Initial Conditions
by shylone
Summary: (Complete, Epilogue 28 AUG) Sensitive dependence on initial conditions. The butterfly effect, the idea that any changes early on are magnified larger and larger over time, to completely change everything. Sephiroth, child SOLDIER, meets someone he has never met before. A friend. That meeting will come to change everything about whoever Sephiroth is destined to become.
1. intro

**[A/N]:** I'm writing a ff7 fic; I'm sure it'll be terrible. For the sake of keeping timelines consistent in universe, POV character (not a SI i _swear_ ) is born 1978, Sephiroth is born 1979. Wutai war will start 1993, but Sephiroth will not be sent to intervene until an impasse arises (in this fic, also coinciding with the trial group for SOLDIER). Also it's weird to think about how Reeve is only like 20 in 1992 uhhh

Synopsis: dumb orphan gets involved in dumb monster fight. sephiroth is there

 **####**

For most of my childhood, 'try your best and you'll succeed' didn't mean very much. I grew up in the slums of Sector 2, living in between Heating Conduit 32-B and a pipe complex with 'BIOHAZARD' stamped everywhere. My parents died of mako poisoning, working in Shinra's division of high-risk workers, those directly exposed to raw, unprocessed mako. An orphan like any other, but I was determined to live better; I knew I could.

So I started working the pipeworks, as a kid I could reach into crannies the adult workers were too large and inflexible to reach. Sometimes the workers brought me food or cigarettes as thanks. I never smoked them, but I traded the packs for other essentials. A cheap knife would serve me well for most of my younger years. "Try your best and you may survive," was what one drifter told me when he sold me a Restore materia for a pack before he died. "Hope it eases the pain."

It turned out using the materia came easily to me. I made the trek to the Sector 3 library just to look up some basic materia theory. I would continue to go there every other day just to read. Books became an easy escape from the desolate life of a homeless, nameless child. I sometimes even started to sleep in library when security couldn't find and kick me out before closing. Little did I know, the library would present an opportunity that would change my life forever.

 **# [ μ ] – εуλ 1992 #**

My stomach hurts as I turn another page. It isn't uncommon for me; the pain is hunger, or a stomachache, or exhaustion, or something else. I don't know; I'm not a doctor, I've just got marginally better at using a Restore materia. Glancing up and around me, my eyes scan the shelves around the table I sit. No one's in this section of the library. Good. I pull out the materia I have strapped to my leg next to the knife I still carry. I figure it must be close to what the books call 'mastery', when the materia is at its full development and spawns another of itself.

I move the small green orb to my belly under my shirt and cast Cure2. The magic washes over my midsection like minty breath, leaving a tingly sensation instead of an empty pain. I re-secured the materia and turn my attention back to MIDGAR SCHEMATIC PLAN SECTOR 0, a book cataloguing diagrams of the planned completed Shinra complex in the center of Midgar. I had discovered that copies of the architectural plans for Midgar were stored way in the back shelf, looking like they hadn't been opened in ten years. They were probably just extra copies of documents no one had remembered to retrieve, but to me, they were much more valuable; they captured my imagination.

Sure, Shinra was the corporate superpower that dominated above the slums, but I couldn't find it in me to throw the same ire I had against the Shinra family against all the other people who could design the systems that all had to work together to make something like the Shinra complex run smoothly. Most could only do their jobs; in fact, I came to realize that Shinra _people_ and Shinra _company_ were two entirely different things. And while I wasn't about to sing Shinra's praises to the people of the slums who definitely didn't want to hear it, I wondered how many could never consider Shinra as anything other than totally horrible.

 _Because no slum-rat reads Shinra technical documents for_ fun _, you idiot._

True. Come to think of it, I wasn't really sure when I'd left the library last. Oh well. I closed the book and returned it to the shelf. The librarian on duty waved me out of the main entrance, obviously relieved they wouldn't have to check for me. Walking out onto the street, my eyes immediately went on alert, scanning passersby for anyone that could be looking to cause trouble. It was a learned instinct for anyone living close to the edge in the slums. If you couldn't spot trouble, you were dead and gutted.

The path back to my hole in the wall took me through the junkyards in the north of Sector 3, hills upon hills of discarded garbage from above the plate. It was amazing what people simply threw away instead of recycled. Perfectly good clothes, dirty and worn, sure; very salvageable appliances like the heater and light I had hooked up to the workers' outlets. Interesting trinkets, like worn out paperback copies of LOVELESS (decent enough), or outmoded Shinra uniforms; the pants of which I currently wore.

As I walked through the junkyard, the sounds of a struggle gradually made their way into hearing range. I wasn't too keen on continuing any further until I heats a distinctive cry, clearly not human. _They're fighting monsters_. Internally, I debated the merits of helping. Of course, it would be the moral thing to do, but also I'm a fourteen year old kid with only a knife and a healing materia. What could I even hope to gain in the long run?

Eventually I settled on at least checking the situation out before running like hell. Turning a few more corners as the trash grew into a canyon, steeper and steeper on either side of me, I found a group of Shinra infantry struggling to fight a group of small green wyverns. Many of the squad lay prone on the ground or in the trash, most of the remaining men forming a circle with guns pointed in all directions. A short distance away was the true show, though. A young swordsman immediately drew my attention, movement graceful, natural, fluid. Taking out wyvern after wyvern with ease. He had neither blood nor guts on his uniform, his silver hair completely pristine. I got the impression he was ready to face the whole lot by himself.

It was only then that I realized I was being surrounded too, there were the flying lizards on all sides as high as the trash went, never ending. _Fuck._ My eyes scanned the (dead?) bodies looking for anything to help, scooping up a sword and _Jackpot!_ a materia bracer. Strapping it in quickly, I felt the presence of what I thought were Time and Bolt materia. I immediately cast Haste on myself and reassessed the battle that was taking place around me in slow motion.

I'm sure somewhere deep down under the adrenaline and terror I was just the tiniest bit excited that I had picked up a materia I'd only read about, understood what it was immediately, and cast the spell I wanted to as well. _Not bad._ But for now I needed to figure out how to not die. So. The group of riflemen were currently under siege by the beasts' ice attacks, freezing one after another. Since the Silver Swordguy _wasn't_ frozen yet and actually seemed the most competent, I made an informed choice to help him.

Sidling up next to him with my sword in my left hand and bracer on my right arm, I began to fight the onslaught with the only ally had. Well, not so much _with_ him as _near_ him, he only spared me a glance just to raise an eyebrow at me, and I cast Haste on him as well to bring us both into sync. I noticed that he was left handed as we found a brief Haste-accelerated respite.

"Who are you, exactly?" he asked, bringing his sword up in an arc behind him, slashing through a wyvern without even looking. "It is very dangerous, there is an epidemic outbreak of deenglow here."

"I noticed. I came to help you. You going to fight a thousand deenglow by yourself?" Our respite over, we turned our swords back at the creatures. In truth, I treated the sword as simply a knife with reach, when my form was probably atrocious; luckily an individual deenglow was frail enough to fall from a single stab. I wasn't even left handed, I just needed my sword hand and casting hand to not be _the same hand._

"That was foolish of you. The swarm is much larger than predicted. You are also a civilian, with no formal training in these matters."

 _True, but_ \- "I can fight a monster just fine. I just thought you might need an ounce of help fighting all these. I gestured with the sword to accentuate the point, gutting two more in the process. "Plus, your materia guy died pretty quickly. Need one of them for help."

I tried casting Bolt, but I immediately felt like falling over as something much more powerful was channeling from the bracer through my hand. It _vaporized_ the nearest one, remaining guts flying everywhere in slow motion. _Bolt3. Uhh…_ I blinked, hard, and haphazardly blocked an ice attack from my left. "I'm Asher, by the way. Of Sector 2 Pipeworks.

I could feel my counterpart nod. "I am Major Sephiroth of Shinra Infantry Unit 7B." He grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me down to the ground and slashed upward in a wide arc, killing a half dozen more. _His sword must be even longer than the one I picked up._ "Could you please search the men's bodies for a curative materia? My focus is beginning to erode slightly after the four hundredth monster. In any case, these wyverns are resistant to electric attacks anyway. Support me and stay alive. Understood?"

I nodded and reached down my pants to pull out the Restore. Sephiroth's eyebrow raised but he nodded once I began replacing the Bolt in my bracer. And we went to work, Sephiroth clearing wave after wave like a demon while I stood behind him maintaining the Haste while occasionally casting Cure to keep him 100%. Several ice attacks eventually made it through and froze Sephiroth's right arm, and my left arm and leg. The rest of the battle was fought with me on the ground, in total maybe half an hour. It felt like days.

 **####**

Sephiroth had never fought a battle that long before. One deenglow was almost trivial to kill. When Shinra had assigned him and this squad to exterminate this, supposedly the largest nest below the plate, in a junkyard, it seemed almost banal. But destroying the nest and eggs with C4 triggered the mother of all swarms to descend upon the woefully unprepared squad.

Sephiroth hadn't foreseen the incident ending at all well after that. At one point, he found it difficult to say whether even he would emerge unscathed. He imagined a tabloid headline: _Shinra Supersoldier vs 2000 Deenglow, Who Would Win?!_ Overwhelming numbers were on the monsters' side; the riflemens' attempt to form a defensive circle was completely futile, as their corpses could attest.

But there was one other besides himself who had survived, the key to slaying the rest as easily as he had, this Asher boy. He looked about the physique of a typical orphan below plate: severely underweight with the barest amount of lean muscle, unkempt brown hair, bloodshot dark blue eyes that continued to dart around even as he lay prone on the ground. They were about the same age, Sephiroth supposed. His pants and boots had been Shinra-issue at some point, and the the torn shirt was a faded ugly yellow. Interestingly, the boy had a knife strapped to his left leg, a detail most people didn't have the enhanced senses to notice.

As Sephiroth scoured the bodies for a Heal materia, he thought how the boy fought. Not a swordfighter, certainly, bit then again where in the slums would he learn? He held his own well enough, but Sephiroth truly appreciated was Asher's instinct to stay. For most of the fight, Sephiroth's support put faith in his abilities and was always in the most convenient or safe relative position to himself. He didn't have to go out of his way to protect him, all while he cast useful buffs and heals. Very good for someone without formal training. Which Sephiroth likely thought to be the case; he didn't seem like a gang type nor had the self-control typical of most trained warriors. He found a spare Heal on the corpse of Captain Hillen; strapping its bracer on, he walked back over to the boy.

 **####**

My breathing still hadn't calmed down. I couldn't feel half my body as I watched Sephiroth search the dead bodies for… something. Looking at him now, Sephiroth had to be my age. Or younger. My mind reeled at the absurdity of a Major Sephiroth, as young as I was, being put in charge of the big time monster extermination, all while being _that_ deadly with a sword.

He crouched down next to me, examining my injured body. "Anything else injured that isn't apparent? A medic with proper training and a Sense should really look at you." He didn't wait for a response, casting Esuna to unfreeze my arm and leg, then turned it on himself and thawed his arm. Flexing it, he pointed at my bracer. "May I?" I nodded, grateful for his help. I was fairly certain I couldn't cast another spell, I was so depleted. I groaned as feeling came back to my limbs, only left with an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. Even Sephiroth, as self-assured as I was learning he was, drooped noticeably.

Coming off of an adrenaline high, the urban sounds of Midgar gradually filtered back into my hearing as Sephiroth and I stared at each other. He flinched first. "Ah, thank you. Asher." Sephiroth's gaze dropped to the ground. _Embarrassed?_ My mind raced to come up with a reason why _he_ should be the one acting this way. His pride must have been hurt somehow, was the only conclusion I could come to.

"Hey, thanks. You're a really amazing swordfighter, you know that, right? I'm really grateful." Sephiroth turned to me, seemingly at a loss for words, mouth slightly open.

"Why did you intervene? Why me, and not the squadron?" _Self-worth issues, maybe? Oh boy._

"Well," I said evenly, "that circle was full of panicked gunmen. It could've broken down at any moment, and I wouldn't have known how to help them. I heard the noise and rushed in to help; before I knew it we were surrounded. It seemed like the best option, at the moment. Split-second decision, I guess." Sephiroth nodded at that answer.

"It seems that choice was crucial to our survival here. We should not have prevailed, but your survival instinct is peerless among infantrymen I have worked with." He glanced back at the massacre. "Unfortunately for them." I pushed myself into a sitting position, Sephiroth still sitting on his knees as if he were Wutaian.

The bodies were everywhere, some piled on the path, some of those who tried to escape up the trash. Exposed flesh stank. About thirty in all. I wanted to remove the images and smell from my mind. I forced myself to look at Sephiroth. "So what happens now?"

Sephiroth stood. "I suppose I report back to my commanding officer. The mission was a success, although a great many lives were lost." He walked to where his sword lay on the ground and sheathed it at his side. Glancing at my arm, he asked "Is there anyone who can look at this for you?" I shook my head and stood; instantly fatigue slammed into my head and almost collapsed me. I didn't fall over instead feeling Sephiroth's strong grip on my back. "Where do you live, exactly? You said you were of the pipeworks, but…"

"I live in the pipeworks. I'm a _slum rat orphan._ " I said through gritted teeth. That had definitely come out harsher than I'd meant it to, but I could barely think straight anyways. I sighed and started to lean on him a little.

"I don't have anyone to look over me. I live alone." There was a short silence before the response.

"I can have someone in Shinra look you over. He definitely felt me tense up at that, because a follow-up cane quickly. "I will make sure no harm comes to you." He turned to face me, holding my shoulder at a distance. "We have fought together, however briefly. That means something." He looked at me coolly, and I sighed.

"Okay. Thank you, sir." A small smile formed on his lips.

"Please, call me Sephiroth."

 **####**

 **[a/n]: oh boy a chapter thanks for reading update soonish**


	2. shinra

**[CH2: Shin-ra Electric Power Company]**

 **[A/N]: oh boy big feels kill me. this will remain gen but i want to hug seph okay.**

* * *

Before today, I had never ridden the train up above the plate. Sometimes I rode _on top_ of the train in between below-plate sectors, but above plate was Forbidden to those below. Unless you had 175 gil or a Shinra train pass like Sephiroth had.

Of course, I _knew_ where the train was headed, having seen the layout in the archive books several times. It was a little awkward standing at the train platform waiting for the Blue Line to arrive and take us above plate, where we'd have to change onto the Green Line to get to Sector 0, Shinra HQ.

Sephiroth was perfectly at ease in his infantry uniform, sword at his side and bag of salvaged goods at his back. I also carried a bag full of bracers, materia, potions, and other accessories, and another sword at my side. I was fairly certain the bad was worth more than everything I had ever touched, combined. We were certainly a sight to passers by, a thirteen and fourteen year old carrying far more weapons and equipment than anyone, especially adolescents, should be carrying. The subject of ages had come up earlier; Sephiroth had wondered about me, and I him. He didn't seem to be the type to engage in small talk for no reason, and so not much else was said on the way here. When I asked how he'd advanced so far at so young, he'd simply said "Special circumstances." and left it at that.

 _Blue Line - bound for Upper Sector 4, arriving in 90 seconds._

"Ah, Sephiroth?" We only stood a few feet apart; he didn't turn his head to respond.

"Hm?"

"What exactly _are_ your intentions for me?"

Sephiroth huffed. "I suppose that is the question I would ask in your position. I'm afraid I am unsure. My full impression of you is still pending, I'm afraid."

I rolled my eyes. "What thirteen year old talks like that?"

"What _fourteen_ year old would ask that kind of direct question?" We glared at each other. Sephiroth's stern mask broke again to let a momentary fond smile through. I let out a small chuckle.

"It's just that, I've _known_ many people in my life, but they were all adults. Plumbers, electricians, bartenders, librarians.

"Soldiers, executives, Turks, scientists," Sephiroth continued.

I nodded. "No one my own age."

 _Blue Line arriving._ The train hissed to stop in front of us. Many people got off, quitting time for those above plate to go below, very few were doing to reverse. So Sephiroth and I found ourselves alone in a train car. To my surprise, he chose to continue the dialogue before I had the chance to.

"I share the sentiment." A pause. "You said you have no one to go back to. Anything at all you're leaving behind?" I turned my thoughts back the hole in the wall I called home.

"No. I've rarely lived in one place for more than a few months at a time. The only things I really think of as _mine_ are my knife and Restore." I tapped my leg.

Sephiroth nodded. "The knife, are you a skilled combatant?"

 _Skilled comb…? Really?_

"Well, I've fought off a drunk rapist, some pickpockets, a few gang members, people like that. And I'm alive. No permanent damage thanks to my Restore, though. I've survived this long alone, I'll put it that way." Sephiroth hummed.

"Most in the infantry have no combat experience whatsoever. I'm sure you'd do well there." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sephiroth, you want me to join the _army?_ I'm not old enough."

"The age limit is fifteen; many lie about their ages though. As long as you pass the physical and psychological exam, Shinra will take you." He turned to face me. "You wouldn't be sleeping on the street. You'd have food and a proper bed."

"I… I don't know. I've never thought about it. I've never thought myself to be an army grunt."

"Hm. Maybe if you prove yourself, you could escape that fate." _What the hell does that mean?_ But the thought of Shinra as salvation- it never really occurred to me, but the more I thought about it, the better it seemed. Sure Shinra was corrupt and top-heavy and had their fingers in _everything_ (they built the plate after all), but… It was something to think about.

Dull red light flooded the compartment as the train rose above the plate. The sun was setting, a deep red, and I couldn't help but stare, even as skyscrapers filtered across it in the foreground. I continued to stare until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to witness a strange expression from Sephiroth, concern.

"Are you all right?" He didn't say anything, waiting for an answer.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I'm fine. I just… having seen the sun for…" I truly didn't know. Living below plate meant living _below plate_. You forgot the sun; it had little meaning. Sephiroth didn't remove his hand, but didn't move it at all. It didn't seem like he knew what to do.

 _He's a thirteen year old Special Circumstances what the hell does that mean well I wouldn't expect him to- but he did command that unit that died, at least I think so? I dunno._ I closed my eyes and focused on the rattling of the train, the not -quite passive grip he maintained on me.

"Materia specialist." I opened my eyes, only to find Sephiroth's. I hadn't bothered to notice, but they were bright green. _Glowing._ They were slitted, like a snake's eyes. Sephiroth was _Not Normal;_ if I had to guess, he was some artificial product of Shinra. I realized I was staring and looked away, trying to not let embarrassment show on my face.

"Sorry, what?"

"If I recall, you picked up a materia from one of the men and cast Bolt3 without coming visibly fatigued. Even I can't always do that." Again, there was that edge to his voice, not exactly like his pride was hurt this time, but perhaps because I was interesting to him because I could supposedly do what he couldn't. I had a hard time believing he had limits, even at a young age.

"I've never used a Bolt before, but I have used the Restore more times than I can count. I've also used a Sense and elemental materia on occasion, but never a nearly mastered Bolt." I shrugged. "I've read a lot about materia and the theory behind its use, though." I felt a little ridiculous explaining this to Sephiroth, but he seemed to find it interesting.

"And you had this intuitive sense about the materia when you picked it up?" I nodded.

"Isn't that how it works, like the materia can almost talk to you?" Sephiroth tilted his head and seemed to be thinking, hard. His brow creased visibly. He _really_ didn't seem that young, in conversation or attitude. Sephiroth's hairless face and adolescent voice were giveaways, though.

"Few can use materia as easily as you seem to. You were an immense help to me just now. You also seem to be pleasant in company and conversation, at least more than I am used to. I would like to ask for your service, and to consider me a…" Sephiroth bit his lip.

"...friend. You want to be _my_ friend?" I reached up a remove his hand to hold with both of mine. Sephiroth wouldn't meet my gaze.

"I realize it is selfish to ask this of you…" I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It's not selfish to want a friend. Do you not have anyone else?" My heart reached out to a fellow loner, and broke a little when he barely shook his head no. _Ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this to me_. It was official.

"It's not selfish to want a friend," I repeated. "I'm here for you."

Sephiroth chose to say nothing, only to squeeze my hand back.

 _The next station is Shinra Civilian Concourse. This is a last stop._ The train began to slow.

"We are staying onboard."

I looked up him. "What do you mean? Isn't this is a last stop?"

"It is. However there is a more efficient and less… public entrance to be used." Quietly, the doors opened to reveal a large terminal. Most people were getting _on_ trains, but a few tiredly made their way toward… the…

Before I could get a good look at the Shinra building proper, the top of a tunnel blocked the way. The train slowly made its way through the darkness occasionally punctuated with red emergency lights.

"Your hand is soft, Sephiroth." Sephiroth, perhaps not realizing that he continued to hold my hand long after what might be considered appropriate, let go softly.

"You are so unlike everyone I am acquainted with." He said it with such tenderness, I wondered if someone had gone and killed Sephiroth in the dark. He turned to face me again, which I saw because his eyes were _glowing._ Green, like artificial chemical lighting often used deep in the pipeworks, far from a proper substation. Once again, I felt like I could only stay, if only for Sephiroth. I tried to put my feelings into words.

"As an orphan… homeless… alone… meaningless, nothing in my life mattered. I never felt like I was working _toward_ something, that I ever was doing just what _I_ wanted, you know. And now that you've gone and changed my life, I want to be the person that _you_ need, just like you've done for me. And I know that's a silly thing to ask-" A hand clapped over my mouth. Sephiroth studied me as the train rolled to a stop in the darkness. With those glowing green snake's eyes.

"Then we are in agreement." He removed the hand. "I'm sure you understand what will happen should you betray my trust." I gulped; this was it, last chance to back out.

"Are you too quick to trust me?" I hadn't meant to say that. Somehow I could feel Sephiroth smile in the dark.

"Perhaps, but if you prove to be anything other than an excellent lieutenant, then I'll deal with you myself."

"However, I hope you will prove to be an excellent… friend, as well." A contented pause followed. "Come, we must vacate this train before it sets back into motion.

####

Sephiroth produced a Shinra access card which overrode the train doors and let us out onto a service walkway. Following him a short distance down, we came to a door marked _Service Hall 12_. His card opened that door, too.

The interior hall looked a lot more like a corporate hall; matte walls and ceiling, white strip lighting, carpeted floors that we immediately dirtied, dragged out blood and monster guts-covered boots over. Eventually we came to a correspondent Service _Elevator_ 12 (which Seph's card _also_ opened) Inside was possibly the largest array of buttons I had ever seen, marked all the way from B14 to 66 in sixteen rows of five. Sephiroth inserted his card into a slot on the side and the sets of buttons lit up all at once like an enormously convoluted traffic light.

"Where are we going?" I gestured at the panel. "There are a lot of places this elevator can go."

Sephiroth nodded. "This particular service lift is versatile. Almost every normal-security floor is accessible by it." He pressed the 66 button. "I report to Colonel Hammond, or Heidegger directly, although in this case the diplomatic option might be best.

I nodded. "Yeah. It is hard to make 'everyone dies' sound good."

"Agreed. I believe the blow can be softened if the news only makes it to Heidegger through paperwork. Hammond will rightly be angry, but will ultimately understand."

"Sounds like a good commander."

Sephiroth sighed. "He is more familiar with relevant social graces then I have ever expected to be." The lift _dinged_ upon reaching Floor 35. The outer door on this floor was not a sliding halves like a normal elevator, but a normal unmarked wooden door that Sephiroth pushed through, seemingly without a second thought.

Floor 35 seemed to be a semi-open floor plan full of offices and cubicles. Most people were in business formal suits and ties, absorbed in their computers. They didn't notice the duo with inordinate amounts of equipment just strolling across their space. We walked right across the cubicle grid and straight up to a door like any other. Sephiroth knocked at the door, labed COLONEL HAMMOND.

"Enter."

Sephiroth turned towards me. "Stay out here." And with that, he disappeared into the office. Immediately, I pressed my ear to the door to listen in.

"Major, what in Ramuh's name are you _thinking_ walking in here with all that? Shinra security could've arrested you. Why haven't you reported in at the mission center?"

"I felt it prudent to come quickly and deliver my report directly to you."

"Well I better get a damn good explanation for it! Major, what happened?"

"The mission objective was completed as specified, however the losses were… catastrophic."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I am the only survivor." I could _hear_ the colonel settle back into his chair. It was a long moment before he spoke again, softly yet firmly.

"How is that possible?"

"Intelligence reports vastly underrated the number of monsters in the nest. I maintain there were approximately 2500 monsters in all. Without my enhancements, I believe the swarm would have easily killed me and turned to plague the whole population under the plate. No containment would have been possible." The colonel sighed.

"Why not radio for help?"

"The radio was destroyed, its operator pinned the device under his corpse, unable to be retrieved. It was quickly overtaken by the swarm."

"Son, if what you're telling me is true, then Shinra and Midgar owe you a debt of gratitude. However-"

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find worker in a dark blue suit looking down at me. He was decidedly _not_ from Midgar, looking very decidedly western, far western. Wutai. Wutaian immigration was perhaps lowered than any other under the plate; I really didn't know what to expect from this encounter.

"What is your name?"

Not wanting to take chances, I asked "Who's asking?" boldly, blindly.

"A Turk is asking." _Fuck, fuck._ My mind raced to uncover the relevant information. Turks were Shinra's covert elite, tasked with loads of secret missions. I had witnessed a Turk break up riots, gangs, drug rings and more just by walking into the place, taking care of things, and walk out. At least, I think so. Their anonymity is their greatest asset. _I gotta sound legit without lying. Okay._

"Sir, I am Lieutenant Asher. My squad leader is in there talking to the colonel right now."

"Mm." The Turk seemed not amused. "You know you're not allowed… all this, on this level." _This_ being a bag that could potentially detonate the whole building, including the bracer i had on, and the sword at my hip.

"Yeah but my commanding officer wanted to report ASAP to Colonel Hammond."

"In his office?" I nodded. The Turk knocked on the door, which opened to reveal a large, bald, serious-faced man in military uniform instead of Sephiroth.

"Tseng."

"Colonel." Hammond nodded.

"Pardon my rudeness, but has this most recent incident become a Turk matter?"

Tseng's, the Turk's, eyebrow rose. "To which 'incident' are you referring?"

Hammond shook his head. "Never mind, what can I do for you?"

"Tseng." That was Seph.

"Major Sephiroth. You cannot simply bring weapons into a civilian part of Shinra tower. You gave surveillance quite a scare emerging from _a service shaft_ with bags and weapons attached to you backs."

Sephiroth shrugged. "It was the most direct route."

Tseng sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do you understand what you've done wrong here?"

"Of course. I simply know that any punishment you may choose to assign me is unenforceable, ultimately. Everything's fine."

"Far be it for me to question the judgement of a child. Very well. Try not to do it again."

"I have, and will continue to do it if I believe it to be necessary."

The colonel turned and gaped at Sephiroth. "Major, stand down. Tseng, do you have anything else to say?"

"No, I suppose I don't." And he turned and left.

Hammond glanced outside at me. "The major says you were there at the incident." I nodded and followed him back into the office. The colonel sat behind a desk as Sephiroth and I took up two small chairs in front, Sephiroth looking composed as always. I was nervous as hell.

"Major Sephiroth has told me the basics of what happened, but I'd like to hear it from you."

So I told him about my circumstances in the slum, how I came across the monster swarm, how I fought with Sephiroth, some of the brief aftermath. Nothing about what happened on the train.

"And is that accurate, Major?" Hammond asked Seph.

"Yes, sir."

"Major, you know Heidegger won't trust you with another squad, at least until the end of quarter rolls around. What do you intend to do until then?"

"I intend to complete the workload of 7B."

"By yourself?" Hammond said in disbelief.

"I intend to train Asher as my lieutenant. He will enter and pass the army entrance exams, then I wish to have him placed in special assignment under me until I say otherwise."

"You wish? You get an entire squad killed, what makes you think I should even consider such a request?"

"Weren't you just saying that Sephiroth should be thanked for what he did?"

"We." Sephiroth murmured.

Hammond hesitated for a second before replying. "My personal belief is that you both made the best out of a bad situation. Hell, if you aren't exaggerating the numbers, and I doubt the major is, then the both of you are downright amazing. However, on paper, the major had his entire squad die under him. I don't see how I can approve anything he requests with that over him."

"Just have it be unofficial, for now. We'll figure it out," I said confidently, probably much more confidently than I felt.

Sephiroth chose then to speak. "Colonel, I came to you first because I believe that you can help me through this better than anyone."

Hammond sighed and lay back in his chair. "I can. It won't be easy, but… I can do it."

"Thank you," both Sephiroth and I replied. Hammond looked at Sephiroth fondly. "I think no matter what I do, you'll grow up to be one of Shinra's best, but for now I guess I can make your journey just the littlest bit easier. Dismissed."

We got up and left, this time taking a normal elevator down to Equipment Service to return all the gear, then back to the elevator. It was only then that I began to feel how tired I truly was. It couldn't have been later than eight, though.

Sephiroth slid in his access card and pressed 12.

"Where are we going?" I asked him. He had a wistful look on his face.

"To rest. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that today has been especially straining for me." I nodded. The elevator door opened to a carpeted hall of doors. Walking down to 1208, Sephiroth carded the door and opened it, holding it open for me from the inside. A bathroom close to the door and two beds, a side table in between, and two dressers opposite. A chair and table sat in a far corner.

It looked like it had never been lived in.

"Asher, when did you last take a shower?"

My voice was small. "I have no fucking idea."

"Perhaps it would best for you to shower first then." No argument from me.

A shower. An honest-to-gods _shower._ With hot water. And soap. And shampoo. I didn't even know how to use shampoo (Luckily, there are instructions on the bottle.) After my skin shriveled up from exposure and stepping out, my skin felt raw from scrubbing. It felt… good. _Guess this is what clean is._ The bathroom had a large assortment of hair brushes and combs, more than I would've expected.

The biggest shock was realizing my old clothes were gone. In their place on a lowered toilet seat were proper socks, drawstring sweatpants, and a sleeveless tee with the Shinra logo on it. Putting them on felt clean too, and stepping out, I felt the best I had in a long time.

Sephiroth was reading a book in the chair. Most of his uniform was gone, including his shirt. The first thought I had as Sephiroth met my gaze should not have been _holy fuck that's not a thirteen-year old's body_. I felt like a skinny rat in comparison.

"Good, you are done." With that, Sephiroth disappeared into the bathroom. I settled down on the bed closer to the door. A real fucking bed, too. Could this day get any better? I got up and ventured over to pick up the book Sephiroth had been reading. _The Art of War, by Sun Tzu_. A military strategy book, written by a Wutaian? Interesting.

I was reading some of the book when Sephiroth emerged from the bathroom, running a towel through his silver hair.

"Do you like the book?" he asked, as I put the book down- SHIVA FUCK. I covered my face with the book.

"Sephiroth."

"Hm?"

"You're _naked._ " There was a moment before Sephiroth seemed to realize the problem.

"My apologies. I've never had company like this before. One moment." As I heard Sephiroth open his dresser to get some fucking _pants_ I tried to scrub from my mind the fact that he's silver _down there_. I refocused myself pointedly on _Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before-_ Sephiroth put his hand on my shoulder.

"I apologize for causing you discomfort. Like I said before, I am unused to this level of… closeness with anyone else. I am very inexperienced in any aspect of friendship. Certainly no one else has been in this room with me before now."

"It's fine," I sighed, putting the book down, "I overreacted a bit. I think I'm getting a handle on what to expect, anyways. It's just… all very much. A lot for one day." Sephiroth sat on the bed opposite me.

"Yes, I admit I am more enthusiastic about this than anything I can remember. You said before that I shouldn't be trusting you so quickly. Both of us are still young. We have everything to gain from this experience, even if it ends for the worse." _He says it like a old man, holy Ramuh._ "As long as we don't compromise ourselves and act in…" He paused, seemingly lost for words.

"Good faith?"

"Yes, as long as we act in good faith, then we can be assured the other is genuine." Something still nagged at me.

"You've never had any friends before, right, you said? What was your life, before Shinra? To join the army, how did that happen?"

"My life has always been Shinra. I was produced upstairs in the Science Lab and raised by scientists, including my father, Hojo. I have never known anything else." The way he said it made it sound like a throwaway detail, not the defining elements of his life.

"Well, I'd like to think you'd be able to eventually grow beyond that and become your own person, ya know?"

"Mm." Sephiroth laid on top of the covers, head resting on a pillow not moved. "Are you enjoying the book?"

"Yeah, it's... interesting. Really tired though, I would like to sleep if you don't mind." Sephiroth nodded.

"Very well." He reached to turn out the bedside lamp. "Good night, Asher." I could already feel myself slipping into

"Good night, Sephiroth."

* * *

 **[A/N]: this is more than I thought I'd write holy shit**


	3. exposure

**[A/N]: plan on updating about once a week. Thanks for reading.**

* * *

I didn't really have a plan anymore. I never had a plan in the first place, either, so it's funny that I say that. I guess what I mean is that I thought I was going to have a plan coming into Shinra, but nope. Sephiroth worked _all the time_ , and since I wanted to keep up with him, I decided to throw myself in along with it, plan be damned. If this was going to be my new life, I was going to make it _mine._

####

"Your blood shows an elevation in mako, which concerns me. Have you ever been exposed to any mako-powered equipment before?" The doctor held a clipboard as she addressed me, in a hospital gown. I was in there for a health inspection, both because Sephiroth wanted someone more qualified to check over me, and I needed a baseline medical file if I was to be admitted into Shinra's military.

"I've lived near and around a mako substation in Sector 2, and I've been exposed indirectly a couple times." The doctor scribbled something down.

"Hm. You know mako is toxic right? Destroys cellular processes and stuff?" I nodded. Mako was very corrosive, could melt through pipes if they weren't properly treated. On more than one occasion a crew had to be called in to fix one small leak. Sometimes I helped.

"Yeah, I'm careful. Sometimes I get muscle pain, you know? But I'd think that's just because I don't eat right all the time." Doctor looked up from her notes. I wasn't sure what to say to her considering I was an orphan, street rat, blah blah. Yeah I don't eat, but if I get into the army, I could eat as much plain garbage as I wanted to. I decided just to state it simply to her. The doctor's eyebrows rose.

"That's not surprising, then. You're a growing boy, you should eat more." _No shit._ I'd never really thought about my body type in a long time; I never had any other option. But now I could work on getting stronger, becoming a more healthy, more self-caring person. Like all those magazines keep talking about, but for real.

####

Sephiroth looked over my shoulder as I filled out registration forms at a desk in the general registration wing on Floor 3. Sephiroth wanted to move me out of required things like boot camp and qualification tests so that he could train me himself. I couldn't decide whether or not Sephiroth was being considerate or possessive, so I settled for continuing to fill out a Personnel Request Type-3 form, in addition to General Registration Forms 1-4 and about a dozen other documents with equally wordy names.

"You're working through the paperwork rather _quickly._ " Sephiroth seemed uncomfortable but was forcing himself to look.

"You don't like paperwork." It wasn't a question.

"Do... you?" Sephiroth seemed genuinely distressed at the notion, like the paperwork was going to infect me with a horrible disease or something.

"I mean, not particularly, it's just work, you know? Forms and stuff. Everyone just has to keep track of everything somehow, and Shinra _is_ a big place." I handed him the pen and pointed to a spot on the paper. "You need to sign here."

"Right…" Sephiroth quickly signed in perfect cursive _Sephiroth_ , no last name. I realized something.

"We both don't have a last name. I've never known my parents, but Professor Hojo is your father. Why don't you take his name?" Sephiroth tensed up immediately; I immediately flashed back to that desperate fight where we'd first met: he hadn't been that tense since then. Hojo was proving to a topic to avoid wherever possible.

"I am his son, but…" Sephiroth's tension shifted to contemplation. Looking at him, I could see his eyes dart back and forth before he closed them and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'll consider the question next time…"

"Next time you what?"

"Meet with him. Hojo and I have an appointment later this week." I gave him an odd look.

"You make it sound like he can't make time to see his son." Sephiroth was visibly uncomfortable _Another first_ , but I decided to risk pushing a bit more.

"What about your mother?"

"My mother is Jenova," Sephiroth replied, seemingly automatically. _Not worrying at all._ Sephiroth assumed all the body language cues of "I don't want to talk anymore," no eye contact, looking down at the floor, backing away from the chair I sat at. I decided to swing to conversation back to a gimme so Sephiroth wouldn't remember this moment badly.

"Hey, Sephiroth, do you have paperwork you need to do?" Sephiroth glanced up.

"Going back four months, yes." _Gotcha._ I got up out of my chair and put my hand on his shoulder, putting on my best encouraging grin.

"How about I go submit these forms and we go take of all that for you?" His eyes widened.

"That would most certainly be appreciated."

####

"Attention!" All the boys immediately disengaged from their idle chatter and stood at attention. Sephiroth stood in front with me at his side. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be used to a uniform, but it was certainly _cleaner_ than anything I had worn before.

"We're on scan duty today, men." A cheer went up from the squad. Sephiroth put his hand up and they fell silent. "I will take the first half of the squad around the outer track, Lieutenant Asher will take the other half around the inner track." They nodded assent. I had begun to learn that Sephiroth had a reputation in the army. No one understood him, no one knee him, but they knew he could kick anyone's ass no matter how old he was, so he basically got respect by default.

The way Sephiroth commanded attention was something special. I remembered the first time I saw, in complete control of himself in the heat of battle. In public, in front of others, Sephiroth always projected that kind of aura. It was exhilarating, to say the least. Nothing like the awkward, personal Seph I came to know in private.

'Scan duty' was one of the easier assignment in Shinra culture. Basically, you walk a full circle around the city as a patrol. This takes eight hours. It's boring and not too complicated but it's time to talk. Shinra's libraries have more than I'd ever thought possible, and in my off time I'd often just read it all. Sephiroth would always be willing to indulge me in conversation in whatever topic i could come up with, sometimes he'd just listen quietly, sometimes he'd have interesting opinions or insights I hadn't. It was a part of our friendship I had control over, at least.

Because I was getting run into the ground on the other end.

####

I always woke to the sound of Sephiroth showering at six-thirty. He showered in mornings, I at nights. We would wordlessly dress and make our way down to Floor 8, Officers Mess. I would make idle conversation with him over the gruel. If we didn't have a duty assignment or a mission, which was typically Sunday or one other day during the week, then Sephiroth and I would walk over to the Training Center. Sephiroth would take a katana, and I a standard issue Shinra broadsword.

There was an open-air combat practice area in the middle of an indoor track that didn't feel as confined as the practice rooms which we would often use. Normally it was meant to be used to practice small scale troop movements or host group instructional sessions, but Sephiroth would be able to give the teachers one look and we'd have the space to ourselves.

Sephiroth had insisted that if I was to serve directly under him, I had too have proper combat technique. So, on those free days, Sephiroth broke down everything I could possibly know about combat and sword fighting. It seemed to be almost therapeutic for him, like it assured him that _he_ had an as good a grasp on the material and theory as he did, and that he could teach it to someone else.

On those days, I would train for four hours, break for lunch, another four hours. He would often test me by fighting me himself, not seriously, but enough to communicate an intended lesson or technique. As we went along, Sephiroth learned to push me to the brink of exhaustion, relenting just enough to make sure I wouldn't pass out. Often times I had to apply several Cure spells, just so we could walk to dinner. Learning from Sephiroth was more stressful and difficult than any duty assignment or extermination mission.

Over time, Sephiroth began to transition from neutral comments about my form to earnest comments about my progress. Sephiroth would begin to engage me in his own topics on conversation on occasion, which I would reply to with a smile. He wouldn't ever fundamentally change from that composed, formal child forced to grow up too early. Rarely would he talk about himself or his feelings, as much as I tried every so often to ask him.

And a few times a month, he'd go in for 'appointments' with Hojo. Every time, he'd go up to the Science Department for whole days at a time, usually leaving me to lead a duty mission. When he would come back, it was as if he had never changed from the boy I talked to in the junkyard. But the Sephiroth I had come to know would always come back. It worried me, but he assured me that everything was normal and fine and I 'shouldn't inquire further'. Yeah, right. But I couldn't exactly question it either.

####

Sephiroth had just been promoted to Colonel. The next day we had intended to celebrate his promotion with some of his never-used vacation days, but when I woke up I found Sephiroth's empty and made with a note neatly folded on the pillow.

 _My father has requested my presence early this morning. I should not be long. Go to meals without me if you must. -S_

What did Sephiroth do up there? I began to get anxious but willed myself to be calm. _It's fine, he does this all the time._

I was repeating the line to myself even as I left dinner. I couldn't stop thinking about what could possibly be taking him so long. I paced out to a balcony, looking out at Midgar. It was a little windy out tonight, and you couldn't see any stars. You never could, but just this once I wanted to. Something comforting.

My entire life revolved around Sephiroth in one way or another. Total dependence wasn't something I'd ever imagined myself tolerating, but somehow I'd never noticed it under. _I sleep in the same room as my immediate superior. We do everything together._ I found myself questioning my entire relationship to Sephiroth. _Oh my gods, I'm a fucking Honeybee. Fucking whore._ I couldn't even bring my sensible self to chastise the part of my brain that said those words. _Here you go, wedging yourself into someone's life and staying there, like a splinter. You don't_ want _anything, do you?_ No. I had my own life, I wanted to… _You've never wanted anything. You're a starving slum rat and that's all you'll ever be._ I shoved down the destructive thoughts and crouched down by the railing.

 _I am not that. I just want to be here. Anything's better than the slum. A life is better than no life. The things I do_ matter _here, to someone. At least to him._

Fuck off, I have my own life. I can do what I want. I clutched my head in my hands. Standing up, I brushed off my uniform and made for the elevator. _Sephiroth this, Sephiroth that. You_ want _him._

Shut up, I told my brain. Sephiroth is the only friend I've made. I think it's the same for him. Now I am _not_ going to let that toxic though process continue. I _do_ have my own life, and it's what _I_ choose. But right now Sephiroth needs _my_ help. And that isn't wishful thinking on my part. I'm the _only_ one who can help him. I punched 66 with enough force to rattle the elevator.

####

Floor 66, the top floor marked on this elevator, hosted most of the offices of Shinra executives. Higher floors, including the Science Department and president's office and living quarters had to be accessed specially through a security gate on Floor 66, leading to another Special elevator.

There was a security checkpoint immediately after stepping out of the elevator, consisting of three helmeted army men.

"I have orders to report to Colonel Sephiroth at this time." The one closest to me nodded at my ID badge.

"You don't have clearance to be up here. Badge needs to have purple stripe on it like this." He held up his own badge.

"I am under Colonel Sephiroth's direct orders. I am his XO." The first part was a lie, but I hoped name dropping Sephiroth would be enough. One of the other soldiers said something quietly to the first.

"The colonel is indisposed at the moment. Please come back later."

"But-"

"We have the authority the remove you if you continue to be difficult, he said, tapping the gun on his belt. _Shit._ Reluctantly, I turned around to the elevator and called it. Who should step out but a familiar Wutai man in a suit.

"Tseng," He nodded at me and made to move past me.

"Lieutenant."

"Wait. Wait- _máfan nǐ!"_ Out of desperation, I tried one of the few bits of Wutaian I knew. Tseng slowly turned around with a serious look on his face.

"Don't do that, Lieutenant."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, " _[ I need your help, please. ]"_ Tseng made no reaction.

"Don't speak Wutai to me." A look of interest crossed his face. "Your grammar is strange, but your inflection is very good. Have you heard it spoken aloud?" I shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, but I also read a Wutai language book, well, a Shinra technical paper attempting to dissect the language."

Tseng hummed. "Suppose I could help. What would I do for you?"

"Make sure Colonel Sephiroth is alright. Could you find out what's keeping him?" A strange look crossed Tseng's face.

"You two spend a lot of time together, even live together. He is your immediate superior. Has he never told you?"

I shook my head no.

"Then I can't tell you either. But I will check in on him."

"I'll go down to the lounge on 27 then." Tseng nodded.

"Very well. Good evening." Tseng turned and made his way to the security checkpoint. Guess I was back to the elevator.

####

I sat tapping my foot in a very comfortable chair in the employee lounge on Floor 27 when Tseng silently sat in the chair across from me. He had a look on his face that I couldn't exactly place. I tried not to let my worry show to him.

"You are concerned for him." It wasn't a question. _Shit._

"Yes. Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?" I was challenging him to reveal anything that would shed some light onto what I was missing.

"Sephiroth's case has always been unusual." Tseng looked like he was considering something. "Yours is, as well, but in a different way. Your association with Sephiroth often puts the Turks in a difficult position." _Information_ , I realized.

"Sephiroth must be important to Shinra somehow." No reaction out of Tseng. "But the Turks are left out somehow. You're not on the same page, even when you should be, I would think. Then what's the problem?" Again, no reaction out of Tseng. I wondered if this was a test, intentionally or not. There was a reason Tseng was sitting here with him, after all. I thought very hard about what I knew about Shinra politics, Sephiroth, and what Tseng had just said. The more I thought about it, one inescapable answer rose to the forefront of my mind.

"Hojo. Hojo's the problem, isn't he? He has a vested interest in keeping information about Sephiroth a secret. It keeps him where he his, somehow. Right?" I was grasping a bit, and I knew I probably only had part of the picture. But Tseng let show a small smile.

"I think I'd ask you to become a Turk if the circumstances were different." I raised an eyebrow. I knew exactly why he'd think that, but I didn't want to become a spy, not in that way.

"I don't think I'd be a good fit, no offense." Tseng nodded.

"None taken.

"What is Hojo doing to Sephiroth up there?" It was a direct question, another educated guess, and I was rewarded with a slight stiffening out of Tseng.

"I am not at liberty to- Hm." Tseng was again deep in thought. "You stirred up quite the frenzy, when Sephiroth decided to keep you." It was my turn to stiffen.

"I chose to stay. Maybe the reason the Turks don't know jack about Sephiroth is because no one took the time to be his friend. Or is that just impossible for you to understand?" I had raised my voice a little, unintentionally. Several others in the lounge turned to our quiet-no-longer conversation before returning to idle chatter. Tseng looked wary.

"You _do_ care about him."

"Yes, _Tseng_ , I care about the _person_ , _Sephiroth_ , not the commander or the soldier or the experiment, the person. Do you understand me?" Tseng back to the pensive look, _yet again._

"The Turks believe that his semi monthly appointments in the Science Department are for the treatments needed to enhance him. Somehow the treatment involves mako." _Mako?_ I had never thought about it, but the green glow of Sephiroth's eyes was similar to the glow of raw mako. But where mako glowed sickenly, toxic, nauseatingly, his eyes glowed brilliantly, ethereally. For his body to be so mako-rich to cause the eyes to glow, Sephiroth should be dead ten times over. And how would mako, a toxic substance, produce an enhanced body? Hojo found some way, I supposed. Tseng stood.

"That is all I can tell you. Good evening." And he left me there, thinking about mako and green, glowing eyes.


	4. affliction

**[a/n]: I had real life get in the way. Work mostly didn't give me any free time. But I'm here. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

I had no one to report to in the morning. Sephiroth's note still lay on his pillow. I sat in bed reading Sephiroth's copy of The Art of War. I reached for the healing materia on the bedside as yet another splitting headache overtook me. My head pounded so hard I almost didn't notice someone knocking at the door.

I opened the door to someone I had never met before. A man in blond with glasses and a blazer. And gloves. Very unusual, indeed. He made to offer me a hand.

"Greetings, Lieutenant Asher. May I come in?" I thought about shutting the door in his face before becoming curious about his motives. Why was he here and what did he want?" I opened the door and motioned inside. Lazard sat down in the chair and I on my bed.

"My name is Lazard Deusericus. I am a secretary in the Department of Public Safety." _Ah. He must want to know something._ 'Public Safety' was the departmental code name for Shinra's private military. I wondered if I should even let him keep talking.

"What do you want?" I really wanted cut right to the point. Lazard brought his hands together before speaking.

"One of my many responsibilities is the management of many special cases within Shinra's military. Including Sephiroth." I nodded.

"By extension, of course, I also manage you. Your registry paper were unusually… correct for a boy entering the army, and yet, according to your file, you are from under plate?"

"Why do you want to know about that?" I was more than a little nervous having another official watching me.

"I don't technically need a reason for someone in my position, but to tell you the truth, I just wanted to ask if you're okay." The question completely threw me off balance, if the headache hadn't done so already. Why _that_ question? I realized I had said that last part out loud when Lazard's shifted sharply. "A boy from the slums, completely off Shinra's radar, gets scooped by Hojo's pet project, and declared his Lieutenant from then on? Very strange looking on from the sidelines. I just want to make sure _you_ are okay."

"I'm fine." I swallowed. "Everything great. Really, this is the best my life has ever been. Who are you to say otherwise?" I didn't mean it to sound so accusatory.

"Alright. Where is Sephiroth? I will admit I've wanted to talk to you since you arrived, but I came down because Sephiroth has not filed a formal report in 36 hours. Sephiroth always files a short report, very short in fact, but one nonetheless every morning and every evening. The only exception to this before was the night you showed up. He's not scheduled for any long range missions, and he hasn't left Shinra, at least I don't believe he has. The Turks always refuse my requests for information on matters concerning Sephiroth. So you are my only option."

After a moment of consideration, I nodded to the note on the opposite bed. Lazard walked over and picked it up, reading it intensely. He set it down then turned back to me. "He has not returned."

I shook my head no. "And I tried to get into the Science Department to check up on him. I couldn't get through." Lazard stood.

"Hojo left on official Shinra business for Wutai last night. If Sephiroth is still in the Science Department and has not returned, he may be there indefinitely." Lazard walked to the door. "Come. I can get us into the Science Department. Let's get Sephiroth.

####

I got thrown another curveball question on my way up the elevator with Lazard.

"When is your birthday?" I turned to him.

"What?" What fucking kind of question is that?" Lazard gave me a strange look.

"Asher, do you know how long you've been at Shinra?"

I suppose I'd never really thought about it recently, but I'd only just gotten here, what was the point in thinking about that. Right?

"I don't know, several weeks?"

"One hundred thirteen days. Just under four months. I know that because Sephiroth notes it on his report. This is his report from last Sunday. Lazard pulled a scrap on paper out and passed it to me. It couldn't' have been more than half a page.

 **SEPHIROTH, MAJOR**

 **22 NOVEMBER 1992**

 **Evening Report**

 **Active Assignments - Personal Training of Lieutenant Asher continues as normal. This was his thirty-third session in the 110 days since I began to train him. I am confident I am approaching diminishing returns with regard to improving his mechanical skills. I intend to graduate to more abstract methods of improvement.**

 **Commendations / Reprimands - Lieutenant Asher is able to carry out all basic duty assignments with exemplary efficiency. Also remains an effective XO for all mission assignments given.**

I was a bit taken aback with reading Sephiroth's comments about _me_. I wondered why Lazard was telling me. I clutched the paper in my hand.

"Why did you show me this?" I handed the paper back to him. Lazard fixed me with an intent look.

"Don't you dare let anyone tell you you don't deserve to be here. Hell, if only for keeping Sephiroth in check. Before you arrived, he would often be prone to damaging equipment, property, and others." Lazard stared up at the floor indicator gradually increasing. _35… 36…_ "But you seem to have changed that somehow. I haven't had any memos regarding Sephiroth for a long while now. Keep being you and everything will be fine." He nodded. "You don't have a birthday." It seemed like Lazard knew the answer. I clenched my fist and turned away.

"Why does my birthday matter? It's just a date." There was a short silence.

"When I lived in the slums, I would convince myself my birthday was the winter solstice, whenever above and below the plate would give gifts to each other. My birthday's been the 21st of December ever since. You got something like that?" I thought about it some.

"The first of December is when Midgar switches to full heating mode for the winter. The pipes in lived in would burn from the liters of mako-heated boiling water running through them. It would be warmer than it ever got in the summer. I guess that's a date I like." Lazard raised an eyebrow.

"The first is in a week." I shrugged.

"I guess it is." We sat in silence until the elevator finally hummed its way to the top. Once again, I found myself at the security checkpoint manned by three guards. But this time, I had a secret weapon. Lazard strode right up to the table.

"I am Secretary Deusericus on official business for Public Safety. This is my escort." Lazard gestured to me.

"Name," the guard said blandly.

"Lieutenant Asher."

"Full name," he went on.

"That is my full name." The guard looked up from his entry sheet.

"Shinra employee ID, then."

"028-9214," I recited. My head throbbed with the recall. I pushed it away, I couldn't afford to let myself be distracted right now. The guard waved us through and Lazard and I proceeded to the secure elevator and. beyond the range of my previous experiences. I didn't know what to expect going forward.

The Shinra Science Department turned out to be a series of white hallways. They were so much alike I wondered how Lazard knew where he was going. "It is likely that Sephiroth is currently housed somewhere in Biolab 4 - Hojo's personal wing. I can't imagine he's anywhere else." We came to another door, one with a giant '4' emblazoned on the right half. Lazard went to a keypad and punched in a few numbers. The keypad flashed red and wailed softly. "Damn." Lazard turned to me. "That passcode worked the last time I saw a lab tech use it." I nodded.

"They must change codes regularly. Is there no other way in?"

" _Not unless you want blasted against a wall."_ A voice down the hall. Two men in suits stood, one of them Tseng. The other was a tall, severe man with his hand holding a gun close to his body. _But not at us,_ I noticed.

"I hoped the Turks would be so kind as to let us do this, but I guess that would be naive," Lazard spat behind me.

"Oh Lazard, calm yourself. We cannot allow you into Hojo's private lab. You are not cleared for what's in there."

"So Sephiroth is in there? I've read enough Science Department reports to know what goes on. What Sephiroth is. I may as well be cleared."

"I am not at liberty to discuss the content and activities of Biolab 4. What you think you know is irrelevant. We will not let you get in. Don't think manipulating this boy will do anything for your case either." What?

"Lazard isn't manipulating me. I want to make sure Sephiroth is safe. He disappeared and last I know he was here."

Tseng's Turk friend looked bemused. "Really? Why would you think he would be here? There are many places he could be."

I clenched my fists. "He told me himself."

The man grinned. "That would be a breach in protocol, my boy. Sephiroth wasn't made to break rules like that so easily." Something seized in my heart at that.

"How he was _made_ he no bearing on the type of person he is _now._ He and I are _friends_ ; he would tell me where he was going. I have the note in our room to prove it."

The man tilted his head and nodded to Lazard. "How did you manage that anyway, Lazard? Getting this boy close to one of Hojo's projects like that? What kind of control were you hoping to achieve with the boy?"

Lazard bared his teeth. "I may be ambitious, but I would never stoop to such a _Turk_ tactic for control. You're out of your mind with that accusation."

I followed up. "No one's controlling anyone! I just want to know he's alright! Is that such a difficult concept?!" My voice broke in the last sentence. The man was silent. Tseng chose this moment to step forward.

"Sir, if I may." The man glared at Tseng. "I wish to vouch for Asher. I believe he is in earnest. I also believe that he will allow us to interrogate him in the adjacent corridor to verify his claims." The man glared at me. I nodded and began to walk toward the men, leaving Lazard exasperated but rooted to his spot by the door. The three of us rounded the corner and the man crossed his arms.

"I am Veld, leader of the Turks. Do you understand?" I swallowed and nodded. Veld continued.

"Answer these questions as immediately and honestly as possible. We can tell if you lie. Do you understand?" I nodded.

"Name."

"Asher."

"Real name."

"It is."

"Why did your parents name you Asher."

"I received the name in an orphanage, sit. Never knew parents."

"Elaborate."

"Burned things with a fire materia."

"Which orphanage?"

"Angel's Rest, Sector 4 below plate."

"When did you first meet Lazard?"

"Just now, when he came to see me in my room."

"Sephiroth's room." I looked him in the eye.

"Our room."

"Any previous attempt to reach Sephiroth?"

"Yes, but the checkpoint didn't let me through."

"Then what?" I realized the question might be a trap, but decided to be truthful. "Tseng showed up, I asked him to help."

"In Wutaian?"

"Yes."

"How's that?" I shrugged."

"There are Wutai immigrants in the slums, sir. They make great chicken."

"Hm. Yes. Why does Sephiroth interest you?"

"He's my friend."

"Try again." I stiffened.

"He's my first real friend, sir, I mean that. In the slums, I knew quite a few people, but none of them were my friends. The feeling of being at ease is… unreal when you've been on edge your whole life, you know. You're a Turk, right?" Veld seemed to be digesting my answer.

"Why do you interest Sephiroth."

"The same reason, I believe."

"Explain."

"Sephiroth needs a friend. From what I know about his life, a true friend _is_ what he needs. And he needs me _now._ Let me into the lab." I stared down Veld with as much determination and desperation as I could muster.

"Tseng says you would make a good Turk, and I'm inclined to agree. But if I believe you, then you need to stay right where you are. I don't believe Sephiroth isn't a person, but he's a product of Hojo, and nothing that man has his hands in should ever be trusted, especially when they're supposed to be an unstoppable super soldier. Last question, what are your goals for the future?"

I thought for a moment. "I suppose I just want to see where this life takes me since it's so much better than my old one. I'd like to be there for Sephiroth wherever possible. Like you said, where I am now is best for everyone anyway." Veld nodded, shoulders sagging.

"What I am about to do is a violation of my given orders. But, it is for the greater good of Sephiroth, a person who gives us no quarter for concern." Veld turned and walked back, me and Tseng following.

"This is off-the-record. The Turks want to know what goes on in there just as much as you and Lazard do. Lazard, by the way, is being escorted downstairs by other Turks." Veld smiled sadly at me. "I suppose that means you're working with the Turks now, anyway." Veld walked up to the keypad and punched in a code. It hummed and glowed green. The door hissed open quietly, darkness yawning within.

The labs made my headache return in full force. I tried to keep myself from noticing any details as I continued ahead of the Turks in blind search of Sephiroth. I didn't pay any mind to the obsessiveness of it until I was over Sephiroth's unconscious body strapped to a table, a dozen different tubes carrying glowing substances into his body, his face contorted in pain. Real pain like I had never seen. Always, his face had been serene or at worst, impassively blank. He was screaming. I worked frantically to revive him, working control panels until I couldn't and I was on the ground vomiting and my head felt like it was going to explode and I realized it wasn't him screaming. Turks were there with guns pointed at me but Sephiroth was there, glowing green that made my eyes sear dripping onto the floor. I felt so warm as Sephiroth picked me up. The table was so cold but Sephiroth was there.

 _Sephiroth, Sephiroth's…, Sephiroth. Sephiroth. Sephiroth._

* * *

 **[a/n]: definitely didn't plan on ending it that way but what can i do**


	5. commitment

**[a/n]: this is totally not a dream sequence btw, I think this is going to be the last chapter of "setup" before I start rolling as normal. (Maybe.) I hope you like this chapter, give feedback if you want! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Sephiroth sat in the hospital room staring at Asher's unconscious form. Again he wished he could have been there for him sooner. Asher had been responding extremely well to training and was shaping up to be a capable warrior.

When Hojo had sent for him that morning, he had known it was likely time for another of Hojo's dehumanizing examinations. Hojo had needed for another round of enhancement injections, much more painful and in higher dose than anything he could remember. The results he could feel almost vibrate his skull. He could feel every breath Asher took, hear every step on the floor above, read the small text on the pill bottle across the room. His strength had, unbelievably, grown exponentially since the last week. He could barely keep from crushing his chair in worry. Worry was another nee emotion that he had little experience with. Normally it was coupled with fear, often fear of Hojo's tests. But this time, Sephiroth worried _about_ a person. Very uncomfortable indeed.

Dehumanizing. It was the word Asher used to describe the way some people above plate, particularly Shinra, treated those under. Which implied that he paid Sephiroth the same amount of respect as any other commanding officer. Most Shinra grunts treated with tolerance only out of fear of what he might have done to them, being one of the Science Department's unconventional experiments. Asher didn't seem to share that sentiment. Sephiroth had kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. But it never did, Asher would continue to engage him in various activities and modes of conversation, most of which he would shut down. But slowly he found himself opening up about himself and gaining the self confidence to initiate conversation himself at times.

But Asher had mako poisoning. Very badly. The symptoms onset extremely quickly, enough that they weren't even noticeable until a few days, he had to believe. _Would he hide this from me? What would be the point?_ Sephiroth tried to think of any other explanation before Lazard walked in. Lazard visited every twelve hours, just to check in.

"Sephiroth, I know I asked this last time. Have you slept?"

"No." Lazard sighed.

"You've been awake over seventy-two hours now. You need sleep."

"I won't sleep until I know his condition is improving." Lazard sighed, again, loudly.

"I've been talking with Hojo about the situation." Sephiroth's chest tightened.

"Why?"

"He's going to help." Sephiroth's mouth was _agape._

"Why?" he repeated.

"Because you haven't left this room, Sephiroth! And I convinced him it would be worth his while. I am sure he'll explain when he gets here." Sephiroth said nothing. Daring to hope might be foolhardy. There had to be a catch with Hojo. Instead he stared at Asher's unconscious form.

A lean street animal; Sephiroth had slowly been coaxing him into a better diet, to put on weight. In the cafeteria, he rarely seemed to consider nutrition or portion size. His shaggy brown hair was the polar opposite to Sephiroth's own. It was one of the few things he didn't want to change about him, if only to keep the image, the feeling, of being _not Shinra._ He was otherwise unremarkable. He would probably grow up to be a similar height to Sephiroth. Taller? Shorter? Sephiroth could not imagine not growing up to be the tallest in the room.

While he was obviously neglecting his duties, Sephiroth felt that his staying here constituted the duty of a 'good friend'. He certainly continued to worry, and if Hojo was the one to help then so be it. Speaking of Hojo-

"You should not be distracted so easily, boy." Hojo smacked him on the head with part of a briefing packet. "Lazard here has suggested something very interesting. The boy seems to have mako poisoning, correct?"

Sephiroth nodded. "Yes. Some treatment must be attempted in order for him to regain consciousness."

Hojo unfurled the packet and read. "His blood mako content is 0.17%, well above lethal. I predict he will be dead within three days. His case does, however, present an opportunity _most_ unique." Hojo walked over to a machine containing x-ray photos of Asher. "His body contains a number of mako tumors, one of which has ruptured, releasing its content into his bloodstream at a predictable, controlled rate. I would be able to observe his progression, and determine how best to treat it."

Sephiroth stood from his chair. "Use my blood. Father, you gave me the ability to incorporate mako into my own biology; you could give it to him, too."

"Hm. All my attempts to recreate you, Sephiroth, have failed. You were perfect, ideal. But this boy is also the most ideal test subject I've had the chance to work on in… years." Hojo turned to his creation. "But why is he so important to you? To spend three days here, to break out of my lab?"

Sephiroth considered the question. He'd been dancing around it for a while, and decided it would be counterproductive to avoid it any further.

It was interesting; the first encounter, in a moment of emotional vulnerability, Sephiroth had voiced his frustration to another, one he knew would dissect the meaning for psychological flaws or use it against him. Someone who might genuinely _understand._ A friend, as Asher put it. And they hadn't known each other very long, Asher fulfilled several needs Sephiroth didn't even know he had. Sephiroth expected Asher to be yet another lie by the universe, a false hope, but Asher never gave Sephiroth any reason to doubt him. The sincerity of it was what no one else at Shinra could give him.

When Sephiroth started to train Asher, he expected the other boy to give easily. But he didn't, even when he may have collapsed with exhaustion. He learned as fast as anyone may have expected to, and Sephiroth found that he enjoyed teaching. Maybe not just anyone, maybe not just anything, but Sephiroth loved sword fighting. And to watch someone with no experience enthusiastically stumble through, trying to find their own identity and skill within the art, figuring out what worked and what didn't, proved to be just as exciting as learned swords himself.

He had a true second in command. True, they had not worked on any _significant_ assignment since their first meeting, however, to have one constant face among the legions that changed every assignment was comforting. Sephiroth had never expected to need to be comforted. A younger Sephiroth might have demanded subordination without compromise, but Asher, unknowingly or not, straddled the fine line between a respectful subordinate and a critical ally. Sephiroth appreciated being engaged in _normal conversation,_ something almost foreign to him before. That was what was ar the heart of Asher to him, Sephiroth decided.

Something different, something he couldn't experience from Shinra. Something that he couldn't have received anywhere but where he did. Unique things were special. Sephiroth was unique, and Shinra exploited it. And likewise, Asher was unique to Sephiroth, and so he must continue to be exploited.

"He is the person closest to me. As little as he may seem to you, Father, I need you to save him." Hojo grunted.

"If there is anything able to be recovered, I can do it. Now go to sleep, boy. You cannot function so well with so little rest. You are relieved until further notice." Sephiroth walked solemnly past Hojo, nodding at Lazard, and continuing on to his room. Sephiroth fell asleep immediately, and what greeted him in his dreams was not what he expected.

 **####**

Sephiroth stood below plate in the mist of a ventilation pipe. Passersby milled about in the street in front of him. Glancing down, he found himself in a ragged white shirt and faded pants. There was a scarred gash in his left hand that throbbed painfully. It was covered loosely by a white cloth that wasn't tied off very well. It hurt a lot. He waved down passersby until one would talk to him.

"Do you know where I could get an infection treated?" Sephiroth pointed yo his bandaged hand.

"The Blessed Angel's Clinic is half a block up that way." The man pointed with a bony finger. "Hey, a bunch of kids work there, so I'm you can get someone to look at it for you."

Sephiroth nodded and walked up the street. The dream, he noted, contained surprising detail in spite of how little experience he had below plate. All his time below plate was spent in missions, which rarely lent time to mingling. But the civilians were all uniquely textured; Sephiroth could smell half a dozen baked goods stores as he made his way up the block.

The Blessed Angel's Clinic seemed to be a below plate charity clinic, which was bursting with potential patients. Healthcare was difficult to come by; a charity risked giving away too much. Sephiroth walked right in and up to a desk with a young girl, barely 16 or 17, manning it.

"I am here for an appointment. I have an infected hand." She nodded and handed him a ticket. 62. Sephiroth glanced at large group seated throughout the rest of the lobby and decided to not bother. "I'd like to see Doctor…" Sephiroth's mind came up blank. Who would he know here?" The girl got a funny look on her face.

"Are you the patient that needed help filling out his paperwork from yesterday?" Sephiroth nodded. "Well, we had one of our assistants look over your request. He can process it." A boy entered the lobby. He wore a lab coat which reminded Sephiroth disturbingly like one out of the Science Department. Which, it probably _was_ one that originally found its home in Shinra, but had been thrown out and reclaimed by those below plate.

It was Asher, a bit younger. He couldn't have been more than two years younger than Sephiroth knew him now. Asher motioned for Sephiroth to follow, and he did, without considering the _why_. It was probably because it was a dream, Sephiroth wanted to see where it would go. Asher led Sephiroth into an examination room and sat him down, beginning the examine his hand, unwrapping the bandages.

"Name?" Asher wasn't looking at him, rather, at his injured hand.

"Sephiroth."

"That's an unusual name. Like it, though." Sephiroth put a hand on Asher's shoulder, drawing his attention away.

"Asher, it's me." Asher began to look uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I don't know you. I think I would remember someone like offense, of course." Asher turned his attention back to the infected hand. Sephiroth wondered if Asher's mind was attempting to protect itself against the poisoning somehow. In that case, this hospital must be from Asher's memory somehow.

Asher never talked about what his life was like before. Sephiroth never asked, he supposed, and Asher never brought it up. Supposedly he had lived in a pipeworks complex in Sector 2, but then where did this place fit in? Sephiroth wondered what kind of awareness he could muster from this dream-Asher.

"May I ask you a question?" Asher began to clean the wound and Sephiroth forced himself not to react.

"Certainly, what about?"

"Do you have any experience in dream-walking?" Asher raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"You mean lucid dreaming? Controlling my own sleep? I know a little about it. Why?"

"Can you describe what you did today before I showed up? The sequence of events?" Asher rolled his eyes.

"Well, I woke up at five and…" Asher faltered and removed his hand, studying them for a moment. He glanced at Sephiroth.

"I fail to see why I should tell you. How did you get this cut anyway?" He returned to tending to Sephiroth's hand.

"I do not know. Retaining permanent damage like this is unusual for me. I also do not recall where this cut took place. I thought it might be symbolic somehow. What do you think?"

"Symbolic?" Asher snorted. "How could a cut be symbolic? It's not too bad, you're lucky you didn't lose any major tendons. I think you'll be able to keep your fine motor control at some point, too. For now, I recommend no use for 5 weeks, alright?" Asher began to rewrap the hand.

"Why become a doctor?" Sephiroth asked the obvious question.

"Because everyone has the thing they want to with their lives. I'm here to help people. So many below the plate are unfortunate and downcast. I'm here to make their lives a little easier. I'm also pretty good with a Cure materia, although you couldn't get approval just for a cut, sorry." Sephiroth nodded.

"You have pains often. In you abdomen and left shoulder. And right thigh." Asher froze.

"How do you know that?" Sephiroth pulled his hand back.

"I would guess that you've been exposed to mako for most of your life, in small doses. The cure materia you carry; whenever the pain would get too intense, you would heal it away. That would allow an inordinate buildup into severe mako tumors in your body. It's not healthy." Green mist began to pool on the floor behind Asher, who began to look very uncomfortable.

"There… there would be symptoms before the onset of poisoning, unless… you were exposed all at once." Sephiroth reached out to grab at Asher's wrist. His skin was extremely cold to the touch.

"You're being treated for it right now. You're unconscious in Hojo's lab." Asher was shaking under Sephiroth's hold.

"There… there's no treatment for severe mako poisoning. Beyond a certain point, the body just disintegrates…" Asher dropped to the floor on his heels, holding his head in his hands, visibly shivering. Sephiroth was unsure of how to proceed. Instead, Asher's confused state reminded him of something.

"Asher, remember your breathing exercises. Come, now. In. Out." Slowly Asher began to calm down, shaking a bit less. "Do you remember your katas? The first, or any?" Asher looked up at Sephiroth, confused and silent, until he nodded.

All at once the scene shifted. They were both in the Shinra training center. Sephiroth stood to the side of the mat as Asher went through a kata with a practice sword, the first Sephiroth ever taught him. They wore fatigues and any trace of the previous scene was erased. And so it went, Asher began to calm as he focused on performed each kata in turn, until he was finished. Finally, Asher turned to look at Sephiroth.

"Sir."

"At ease, lieutenant." Asher's sword disappeared from his hands.

"Sephiroth, what happened? I remember… I was trying to break into the lab, to find out what happened to you. Are you all right?" Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes. I was in for a heavy round of injections, unfortunately. I did not know I would be kept for long or I would have told you."

"Do the injections help you? What does Hojo do to you?"

"The injections are necessary for the development of my physiology, and will continue to be until I reach maturity. This particular round was important, this is my first round accounting for adolescence; the enhancements take advantage of my developing body." Asher's brow furrowed.

"It looked like you were in pain." Sephiroth cringed and held his arms.

"I was. Hojo's methods are… uncomfortable. Which is why I should make every effort to keep you asleep. If, indeed, I am really somehow communicating to you while we are both unconscious." Asher thought for a second before a look of terror crossed his face.

"You mean, Hojo experimenting on me?! On my body, while I'm out?! Sephiroth, what the fuck?!" Asher began to shuffle uncomfortably, then walk toward a wall as a doorway suddenly appeared in his path. Sephiroth went after him.

"It was the only way to save your life. You never told me you had mako tumors."

I didn't know!" Asher yelled back at him. Sephiroth followed Asher into a room full of bookshelves. It was very dark; luckily Sephiroth's night vision worked even in dreams. Asher sat with his back to a shelf in the far corner. Asher was crying quietly as Sephiroth approached. He didn't know what to do, normally if Asher were any other of his men, he might call their attention or demand they stop. But Sephiroth felt increasingly uneasy with either option, none of those was the right move.

"Asher." There was a bit of sniffling before he responded.

"Yeah?"

"I once made a promise of myself that I wouldn't let Hojo interfere in my life any more than necessary. He has hurt you, which is unacceptable to me. I cannot simply defy him, however when your procedure is done, I promise I will help you through the consequences. I will request leave that we can dedicate for this purpose." Sephiroth was surprised when the next sound he heard was laughter.

"Maybe we can celebrate your promotion, then, too."

"My promotion?"

"Yes, you idiot, you got promoted to Colonel."

"I know that. You wanted to celebrate that?" More laughter.

"Sephiroth, you're the youngest colonel in Shinra history. What's _not_ to celebrate? You're amazing, Sephiroth."

"You don't need to praise me, your dedication speaks for itself. Thank you." Sephiroth surprised himself when he got down on his knees and hugged Asher. He couldn't remember any time in his life when he had given such a gesture of physical affection. It felt nice. It felt nicer when Asher leaned into the hug, burying his face into Sephiroth's uniform, now damp with tears.

* * *

 **[a/n]: yes.**


	6. initialisation & retrospective

**[a/n]: this is something short without much plot but i hope you like it anyway i had fun with it**

* * *

One.

I am a different person now. More complete than before. My purpose is to help, and to serve. My eyes glow gold; they shock me a little every night when I go brush my teeth. My name is Asher. A namesake of fire, of magic. I do not burn things out of some desire for destruction. Fire can heal, fire can illuminate, fire can cook a damn good meal. I do not remember being strong, only quick-witted and fast. But I feel less frail, more solid than I used to. I can feel the mako trembling within me. I do not know what to think about that. However it will help, I will accept.

Two.

My other is Sephiroth. He is taller than I am. His hair is longer and straighter than mine as well. His eyes, a bright green. I don't know what his name means, if anything. His purpose is to lead, and to fight. To that end he has mastered every form of combat. He especially enjoys swordplay, and finds time to teach me the finer points of the art. He is, with encouragement, slowly learning to cook. It is a difficult process for him, but the look on his face when a breakthrough occurs is rare and true and perfect. True challenge is something I wish to bestow upon him as often as I am able.

Three.

Something more sinister is happening behind Sephiroth and my injections. Far too many things about Sephiroth he does not know himself, or are otherwise classified. I learn to not ask questions, to present a fake exterior, the model soldier. Like Sephiroth, I learn. It is a very long time before I fully appreciate these character details. Like the Turks, also. They form the nexus of all imperceptible things in Shinra. Their reach all encompassing, their ultimate loyalty maddening. I am missing too many puzzle pieces to even begin to construct the truth. A truth, I know to exist.

Four.

I sense something on the horizon. A conflict approaches. I can feel it in the way President Shinra sighs far more than usual, I can see the noticeable absence of Turk patrol, their interest occupied elsewhere. SOLDIER has been created to facilitate the creation of more super-soldiers by Hojo in the name of special defence. Lazard seized his opportunity to move up and maneuvered himself to be in charge of SOLDIER when it established. Sephiroth itches to fight, to experience the real, as it were. I hope we are ready.

Five.

My name is Asher. I am fifteen years old. I am a commissioned officer is the Shinra Company army. My immediate superior is Colonel Sephiroth, fourteen years old. At no point do any of our subordinates question this. Most are kids off the street, ages 15 to 22. Those older are either dead, indentured, or rot below plate. Sephiroth is a strict, demanding commander who is always clear in his instruction. He is appreciated by many of his grunts for this and other reasons. No one questions anything about him because he is Sephiroth, a name which is beginning to gain a reputation within Shinra's common ranks and not just select staff.

Six.

I've never thought myself a fighter. I understand the necessity of fighting; Shiva knows I've had to defend myself in the slums often enough. And I love Sephiroth's lessons, far different from learning myself through careful reading and scrutiny. He's unlike the few other teachers I've had. In the pipeworks, the workers often explained the inner workings of Midgar dispassionately, years of exhaustion visible in their face and their speech. And for my time in the hospital, nurses always taught the essential, always with a sense of urgency that I _understand_ enough, quickly enough. Passionate may not be the exact word to describe Sephiroth when he discusses swordplay, but certainty intuits his craft in a way plumbers nor nurses did. And I love that. It helps that I knew essentially nothing before; Sephiroth need make no assumptions about me. Sephiroth doesn't hold it against me so much as see an opportunity to build a sword fighter exactly how he'd want to. I am here to be his own experiment, in a sense.

Seven.

I know Sephiroth wants something, deep down. He may not even realize it himself, but there is something missing. We are both young, and I do not expect us to be truly mature, but Sephiroth thinks otherwise. It is one of those issues I know I cannot change his mind, so I don't try. But sometimes, when he looks at me, or he is distracted by something we are doing, that missing feeling goes away. It is the most gratifying moment I have ever felt, and a personal victory for me. I don't tell Sephiroth this, obviously. He is normally so dispassionate about such things. He says feelings don't matter to him when they so obviously do. I wonder if it's manipulative to do this. Maybe this ia what Tseng means when he says I'd be a good Turk.

Eight.

I feel at home within Shinra. I wake up every morning to see Sephiroth. We ready for the day in peaceful silence. We walk familiarly through Shinra halls to the officers' mess and ignore the stares from men many years older than us as we discuss the day's plans. Going out on patrol, or extermination of monsters becomes an ordinary, almost relaxing thing. The training hall becomes the place I go to relieve the stress my body has built up. The clean smell of disinfectant was one I had never smelled before arriving in Shinra, but became one I strongly associated with everything I had come to appreciate about my new life.

Nine.

My body was changing. Puberty is one thing, but Hojo's injections were doing something else. The world around me vibrates with detail, as if an artist were meticulously crafting every split second of my experience. I could find myself remembering the text of every book I read from the Shinra archives. My mind, which often had been plagued with tiredness or unclarity, was now free. It was the change I was less prepared for than my body. I wondered if this was how Sephiroth had always seen things. He said that sometimes it was maddening to see such detail but inappropriate to call attention to it. We had a discussion then on the sociology of manners and code-switching I had read from a book weeks earlier. It was wonderful.

Ten.

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Maybe it's that thing I sense coming, maybe it's something else. In the meantime, I am working to find a larger identity for myself within Shinra. As much as I want to make myself available for Sephiroth's service. I don't simply want to be reduced to 'Sephiroth's lieutenant', and nothing more. I am often working in analyses for the Science and Weapon Development departments with some success. I hope I can prove useful in other areas too. I know this can't last forever, but I naively hope that it will. In the meantime, I will pursue progress without compromise.


	7. minutiae

**[a/n]: i've been busy with the start of the fall classes coming up, I felt like I needed to get something out at least, thanks for reading this small bit while I find time to write more emotionally overwrought and longer chapters**

* * *

Tseng is often assigned to observe Sephiroth and Asher in the open. The pair are maturing as well as Tseng can figure, which will be needed should Shinra seriously commit them to a conflict. Tseng knows President Shinra and Hojo are eager to test the new toys on the battlefield as soon as possible, and Tseng thinks they're ready. It's his professional opinion, but personally he wonders what would happen if they grew up normally.

Tseng knows it's a waste of time to think about passing such a value judgement off on both of their circumstances, especially Sephiroth's, but can't help wondering what they might be doing had Shinra not infiltrated their lives. The two of them were now only just reaching cadet age, their peers in command were often six or eight years older than them. In any case, they are ready, whether that carries some greater meaning or not.

 **####**

It came as no surprise to me that Sephiroth disliked meetings as much as he disliked paperwork. It was rigid formalism and conformity to other systems which irritated Sephiroth, even if he saw the necessity of it.

Me, I was loving it, coming into my own as program designer along with Lazard. Lazard took the lead in presenting the original idea for SOLDIER to Shinra's board of directors. President Shinra seemed delighted by the idea of having super-soldiers under his command, the opportunistic bastard. Hojo endorsed the idea, of course. Being able to experiment on potentially unlimited personnel seemed to appeal to him. No one could have seen that coming. The main opposition was Heidegger, the guy in charge of the Security Department, a euphemism for the army. He wanted more direct control, "It's my men your enhancing!" but Lazard and Hojo formed a rare alliance against him to preserve their own aspects of control. President Shinra sided with them. Veld, leader of Administrative Research (the guys who were most definitely not black ops) had no objections. Neither did Scarlet of Weapons Development nor Palmer of Space Exploration. SOLDIER was a go.

We got given Floor 49 to work with, a floor formerly converted to storage by Space Exploration. Sephiroth seemed bored to all hell as we descended in the elevator.

"Aren't you excited to see the space we've got? The whole floor?" Sephiroth yawned before responding.

"My apologies, but that meeting was honestly one of the most boring of my life. I can't listen to them talk about protocol and budget for an hour on end without tuning it out. Forgive me, but I'd like to leave that completely to Lazard."

Sephiroth looked desperately like he wanted to run down to the training and hit things with a sword or anything besides this kind of work. We had been in meetings and paperwork all day. I knew how to keep him.

"Sephiroth, if just stay a little longer, we'll go out to that Wutai restaurant in Sector 1 you liked. Just stay with me a little longer, okay?"

Sephiroth grimaced. "I'm afraid I'll get cabin fever if I have to look at another requisition form or formal report today. Please, Asher."

"No paperwork. We're just looking at our new floor. No signing anything; I promise you wont even read anything."

Sephiroth and I hadn't gone on many missions since I had received my enhancement, instead focusing in establishing the new SOLDIER department with Lazard. Funny how quickly Sephiroth began to chafe at the edges. Sephiroth nodded simply.

"I'm holding you to that, Lieutenant. We rarely called each other by our titles in private, so it was meant as a tease. Amazing. The elevator dinged 49.

The door opened to a dusty hallway lit with only every third light. Emergency power; made sense if no one actually used the floor normally. The floor's halls were wide enough to easily allow traffic both ways. Several large open rooms could easily be converted into training areas, but were currently filled with boxes. I unlocked the door to a conference room and looked inside. Sure enough, it was one just like the one we'd just been in with the Shinra executives, but much dustier. Needed to be cleaned, for sure. Another closet contained racks of softly humming computers. I wasn't sure if I'd even be able to hear them if not for enhanced hearing. They were mostly unlabeled, simply numbered, although one had a scrap of paper taped to its front with "PROJECTIVE CORE MUXER" written on it. Interesting.

"What do you think all these computers are for, Sephiroth?" Sephiroth briefly glanced the racks up and down before coming to his conclusion.

"I don't know. I'm afraid my experience with computers is rather limited."

"Same here. I'm hoping to learn more as I go, though.

"You always do." And with that, we left the closet and made our way towards a Big Door. I say a Big Door because it was the kind of entrance so obviously important that it deserved the emphasis.

The door automatically opened like a double sliding door upon our proximity, and in we walked. A single young man sat in the antechamber adjacent to a completely pitch black room, separated by a glass wall and a second Big Door. He sat in front of a series of status displays at one of the terminals tapping away.

Turning around, he was a grinning blonde with an unlit cigarette sticking out of his mouth.

"What can I do for you two?" Surprisingly, Sephiroth was the one who spoke up.

"We are here to inspect the floor. Our department will be taking over from yours, the…"

"Space Exploration," The man finished. "Yeah, heard about yah. Hopefully I'll have all my simulations done before y'all fully take over, ya know?"

I pointed to the console. "What does this do exactly? What are all the computers for?" The young man nodded.

"Yah. This here is the most powerful computer array outside of the Shinra central network switch down on Floor 6. These computers are linked to some kinda materia matrix that projects light and force into that room there. Gimme a sec." He tapped out a few commands and the room beyond the glass lit up. A simple model of a rocket appeared within surrounded by whitespace. "Scarlet and the weapons development team wanted a better way to efficiently design and test new models, but simulating physics with computers… is hard. So, the team came together and thought- Well, why don't we simulate real physics with real physics. Well, close enough. Damn things got as many bugs as I do smokes. Glad for you to take her off my hands. Wanna take a look?" He pushed a button and the airlock door opened.

Walking into the white room was a little surreal. I couldn't be sure I was actually touching the ground, since the whole space was so uniformly white. The rocket floated above the floor, not very complicated geometrically, like a low-res arcade cabinet, but presence felt real nonetheless. You could reach out and touch it, and it pushed back, like a real object. Freaky. Sephiroth couldn't seem to stop staring.

"Amazing. How can this look so very… present?!" Sephiroth ran his hand along the hull of the rocket.

The engineer's voice came over a speaker from the control room. "Don't ask me; I didn't design it. I made a few things less complicated for myself, but you'll have to read the design documents on your own. If either of you are interested, I can have them sent to either of y'alls' rooms." I turned and nodded vigorously at him.

"Yes, please!"

* * *

 **[a/n]: thank**


	8. SOLDIER

**[a/n] school is busy, also i haven't had a lot of inspiration for this fic but I want to keep writing it! I still have my planned macro in my head but idk I guess I just need a bit of a break. Throw the schedule out the window, but I'll try to update as often as possible. I'm not dead unless I haven't posted in like 2 months I guess. Thank for keeping up!**

 **in this fic: no actual plot but some anecdotes and also emotional scene with life lessons oh boy**

* * *

Mission Report 001

February 2, 1993

SOLDIER. A new company of men that aims to break the mold with regards to a typical infantry. Its focus on enhancing the talent of individual members is an unprecedented kindness in Shinra's history. The opportunities for personal achievement and acts of heroism are unique among Shinra's fighting forces. Any man worth his salt would do well in the elite ranks of SOLDIER.

 **####**

I turned the short mission report around in my hands, thinking about it as I sat on the couch. Lazard sat at his desk, powering through some paperwork silently. A similar pile of paperwork sat on the table in front of me. I continued to stare at the short paragraph.

"001 seems a bit, i don't know, overenthusiastic? For a mission statement, I mean."

Lazard shrugged. "Well, of course it's spun to Shinra's benefit. One thing you'll have to learn if you haven't already is that Shinra controls information. They control the conversation and the attitudes on any side. Shinra wants to push SOLDIER as hard as they possibly can."

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes them so confident, then? Or must they just present the illusion of confidence to sway people?"

Lazard put his pen down as glanced over at me. "I didn't pull the SOLDIER name out of thin air. SOLDIER, in one form or another, has existed for almost twenty years. It's always been one of Hojo's more ambitious projects, the enhancement of the human form. All the previous tries weren't exactly successes, and so Shinra quietly buried them and rewrote history so the people would forget. And they did. Shinra is only so confident now because Hojo convinced the President that SOLDIER has matured. Hojo seems to feel that, working on you, he has perfected his methods to the point that he can generalize them to entire sets of qualified individuals. And yes, projecting confidence where doubt may lie does look good to the people. I expect you will learn that as a military commander as well."

I nodded and thought of Sephiroth.

 **####**

Getting used to our enhancements was the hardest part for all of the new recruits to SOLDIER. I myself had broken three staplers in the past two weeks while doing paperwork. I've been growing again. Sephiroth has just passed six feet, and I'm five foot ten. I was five foot four when I met Seph. Both our vision ratings are below 20/5, so low, it's never been recorded in a (publicly available) Shinra medical file. Sometimes we go to weightlifting and silence the career officers as a fourteen year old with a silver ponytail bench presses three hundred fifty pounds. Easy, dude.

There's twenty-seven of us, now. Most are young officers who are ideal leaders where Sephiroth and I aren't quite yet. All of them respect Sephiroth, though. He teaches men eight years older than himself something new every day, and can kick all their asses blindfolded. Corporate culture quickly develops a bit of a fascination with SOLDIER as the existence of the department permeates to the whole company.

 **####**

Somewhere along the line, Lazard realized that neither Sephiroth nor I technically had "formal education". Sephiroth, having grown up around scientists and been taught everything essential straight from birth, found it unnecessary to "enter schooling", as he put it. For me, as my enhancements continued to be administered, my recall became better and better. I had never stopped reading, either. If I wasn't doing something with Sephiroth, or working on the virtual reality room, my pet project, I was likely reading any relevant material to the interest of the day. I absorbed whole sections of Shinra's literary archive without sacrificing a single detail. It both scared and excited me.

What could be done with the ability to reference such large amounts of information, like a computer, but with a human mind at the helm? Sephiroth and I were eventually convinced to enter remedial courses to fill in the gaps and provide additional legitimacy to our commissions, which were becoming official as more joined SOLDIER and as more formal structure started to establish itself. We blazed through officer's courses in barely a semester, graduating the youngest ever with honors. Needless to say, we were barreling headlong towards improvement at a nearly terminal velocity. Shinra must have been more than eager to throw as at something a little more challenging than security investigations, police work, or monster exterminations. I've stopped counting the days. I may have always worked for Shinra. I don't know. Maybe that's the point, the deception. The false sense of nationalism for Shinra Electric Power Company.

 **####**

I'm standing in front of Sephiroth's door with the Wutaian food, ready to knock. Earlier today, while I was working with some engineers to redesign yet another inadequate component for the VR room, Sephiroth had an emotional outburst. I didn't know the details, but I was shocked when Lazard told me, but he told me that he "had the situation under control, I had anticipated this potentiality." I just had to be the one to make sure Sephiroth was all right. I didn't know what to expect; Sephiroth only, if ever, communicated emotionally in subtle ways. And while I _was_ the best person in Shinra to talk to him like this, it didn't mean I wasn't nervous.

I knocked at the door, two pairs of two knocks. Shinra decided to put us in guest rooms (the ones for formal ambassadors and other important people from far, far away) on the 58th floor. But that meant that we lived in separate rooms from each other from the first time since I had arrived at Shinra. A bit odd, but nothing seemed to have changed between us. Still, it meant that Sephiroth's room was now _his_ space and not _our_ space. I wasn't sure what that meant in the greater context of our relationship, but then again Sephiroth wasn't one to discuss this type of thing in detail with me, so I was largely left in the dark about it.

As I continued to deliberate my options, the door opened to reveal a tired-looking Sephiroth clad in boxers and the sleep shirt with the cartoon dragon I had got him at some point so he would stop sleeping naked.

"Hello," he said in calm and even voice, despite his appearance.

"Ah," I paused, "may I come in? I brought food." Sephiroth glanced at the containers, then at me.

"That would be appropriate." He moved to open the door further and let me in. I followed suit. Sephiroth's space was identical to mine, something I imagine a hotel room might be like. Fancy lamps, an overly large bed, walk-in closet, painting on the wall of the Shinra building. Small desk and chair, couch with table, full bathroom, all the same. A standard Shinra-issue sword leaned against a wall in its scabbard. A couple materia sat in a bracer on the table. A stack of folders, Shinra documents, sat on the desk. Sephiroth sat on the bed cross-legged while I handed him his food. I sat across from him, and we broke our chopsticks down the middle to start eating in silence. It was a minute before Sephiroth said anything.

"Lazard sent you. To talk about the incident, today." I looked at Sephiroth, who was refusing to meet my gaze.

"Lazard told me something happened, but it's taken care of. He didn't tell me _what_ happened. I came because I was concerned.

"You didn't have to." Sephiroth mumbled.

"I wanted to."

"You felt obligated to." Sephiroth countered.

"I'm _your friend,_ " I said, exasperated. "Stop trying to rationalize away my behavior as duty. I'll be here for you."

"But why?" Sephiroth's voice cracked a little as he stared a hole into his chicken. "Why are you my friend?"

"Sephiroth…" I was a little lost for words at that. I tried to figure out what was going through his head. "Seph, what happened today?"

"The colonel… the shaved head one. Brannson."

"What about him?" I reached out an arm to Seph's shoulder.

"He's gone. Lazard got him reprimanded and fired."

"What happened?"

Sephiroth looked up at me, his eyes glowing brighter than usual.

"Asher, I am unused to expressing emotion this way. I apologize. My emotional immaturity is a weakness my father ignored when raising me. I have… tried to supplement my limited knowledge with reading material but-"

I shook Sephiroth my the shoulder. "Just say it."

He shook his head. "I apologize. I should not have distressed you. I should have better control over myself."

"Bullshit." I glared at him. Sephiroth stared back in surprise. "If there's a problem, we're not leaving here until we fix it. I don't know what's gotten into you, but it's not the Sephiroth I've come to know. You may complain at times, and have our moments, but holy Shiva Sephiroth! We're kids! Also, we're comrades. If you need to learn one fucking thing, it's that you don't need to do shit alone. You may very well be the best, most skilled SOLDIER to ever exist, but you'll still need other people. Don't try to carry the whole weight of the thing by yourself just because you feel like you should!"

I sighed. "I can't believe _I_ am the one having this discussion with you. This isn't your fault. The point is, in spite of how great a fighter you are, or how superhuman you may be, you're still human." We sat there in silence for a bit, me still rubbing his shoulder.

Sephiroth placed his hand on top of mine on his shoulder. He still didn't look up at me.

"I suppose that is the problem. I…" Sephiroth closed his eyes, deep in thought.

"I am different things to different people. I can't be everything, like you said. To Hojo, I am a perfect being, the culmination of his life's work. Everything I do and am must be optimal and perfect, and any mistake is not allowed. To the scientists, I am a curiosity; they see me as a very interesting specimen. Some may be sympathetic to me, but they seem to neither have the power nor the will to help me. Shinra sees me as a powerful asset. I am something to be exploited. To the men, I am their leader. Maybe not yet, exactly, but I must be in the future. I must be a person of inspiration and wonder and commanding attention. To be all of those things at once is a... daunting task, to say the least." Sephiroth exhaled slowly through his nose. He was shaking a little under our hands.

"It's alright. No one here is judging you. Keep talking. Let it out." Sephiroth chuckled.

"You sound like one of the nurses in the Science Department, but your presence is reassuring, not agitating. Ever since I have began to work with you, all that time ago, I thought I only wanted a companion. The basic need for personal human interaction. And I got that; you are still the only person I might call a friend. Thank you. Your presence, intentionally or not, has forced me to confront aspects of my character I may never have examined until much later in life. I thank you for that as well. I am afraid I do not know what the next question in this train of thought is. If I am to change for the better, than I suppose I should ask someone else what to do next. Hm?" He glanced back up and I knew what to ask.

"What do you want, Sephiroth?" Sephiroth released his hand; I removed my hand in turn as he clasped his together.

"Thank you. That feels like the correct question. I would have suffered much longer before arriving at that answer. I will think about that." Sephiroth's stomach rumbled.

"I want to eat more of this spicy chicken."

* * *

 **[a/n] review?**


	9. presentation

**[a/n]: back at it again after a 22 day delay. i'm horny on main now, please don't sue me. If you think I should raise the rating please tell me.**

* * *

It was in our weekly meeting with Lazard that he dropped the big bomb on us.

"We are to go to war with Wutai." He said it like it wasn't a big deal. Sephiroth refused to react and kept an appearance of calm, seemingly contemplating the implications of that statement, but of course I had to ask.

"Why, exactly? Are you supposed to be telling us? Because we haven't heard anything that indicates Shinra going to war."

Lazard sighed. "The president told the board of directors this morning. I am telling you two now because the president intends to use SOLDIER as a primary focus of Shinra war propaganda. I believe the next few days will be hectic for you both, but especially for Sephiroth."

Sephiroth nodded. "Why do you say that?"

Lazard smiled sympathetically. "You are to report to Hojo immediately. I assume he has something for you." Sephiroth stiffened and nodded, standing up to leave.

"Good luck," I whispered to him, knowing his enhanced hearing could catch it.

Opening the door, he turned to look at me and nodded. Then he disappeared, sealing the door behind him.

Lazard raised an eyebrow. "What do think Hojo has in store for him?"

"More tests. More enhancements. Maybe something more, if we're going to go fight a real war. Am I needed here; can I go?"

"Actually, I do need you. Shinra intends to put Sephiroth in charge of the campaign."

I blinked at that. "No offense to Sephiroth, but maybe someone with more field experience should lead. I get that Sephiroth is the one people look up to, but I don't know if he's ready to lead a war. What is the war for, by the way? I don't believe Shinra has ever gone to war like this before."

Lazard pushed his glasses up. "You are correct. Shinra has never waged war like this before, no one is qualified to lead it. As for why we are going to war, Wutai refuses to submit to the authority of Shinra. They refuse to have a reactor built in Wutai."

"And President Shinra sees that as something that cannot be tolerated, right? He intends to control the world this way, through power." Great.

"Yes. Although I am sure Shinra propaganda will paint it very differently."

I could see it now. "Wutai rebels refuse allow their government to construct a Shinra reactor within their borders. We are being called in to put down this 'rebellion'."

Both of Lazard's eyebrows rose. "You should a Turk propagandist with those words."

I chuckled. "If only."

* * *

I never thought that preparing for war might be _fun._ Maybe not fun, exactly, but it's more akin to that feeling you get when you cross of the last item on a list of tasks you thought was going to take you forever to finish, and you feel good now that you're done? That kind of feeling. That feeling that you're actually doing something, that your contributions actually matter.

"I'm just really excited, you know, we're finally going to go to war against Wutai. You know, we're actually going to make a difference for the Shinra Corporation; we get to put ourselves out there and really see what we're made of finally instead of pissing about in classes and training sessions seeing what we're only theoretically capable of."

That was a quote from one SOLDIER to a reporter. They decided to replace 'pissing about' with 'practicing'. At one point I had to remind everyone that Shinra would document this preparation for the propaganda pieces that would follow.

One of the most fun things to do was to pick out our new outfits. To really differentiate us from the common soldiers and SOLDIERS on the battlefield.

Sephiroth has picked out a ridiculous looking costume made of leather & straps exposing his bare chest of the world. It turns out one of the things that Hojo wanted to give to Sephiroth was a long katana-like blade that apparently was designed especially for him.

"It's not a katana," Sephiroth corrected. "It's an odachi blade." He ran his hand along the sheath. "This sword feels… right."

As for me, I am having trouble deciding what to wear I find it difficult to pick out a costume that best represents how I did for myself from other soldiers. What I almost want to do is to forgo the sword all together and a simply equip myself with a staff people.

"So do you think the virtual reality system will be up and running in time for us to cover it before you get shipped off to war?" A reporter asked me.

"No, I don't believe so, I'm still working out the bugs and the holographic systems are still in beta more or less."

The Virtual Reality System, as it's being called, represents the greatest culmination of my engineering abilities; it is certainly the most complex technical task I have ever attempted, but I am working with a Shinra's best on the project; I feel completion is inevitable.

I decide on wearing an outfit that would eventually become the SOLDIER trademark uniform: A sleeveless turtleneck and flexible, comfortable pants with minimal armor. I figured that a SOLDIER's own enhancements would be the primary factor in keeping one alive, and that too much armor would be more impediment than help.

Hojo is having the SOLDIERS go through a few individualised treatments to really pump up every last cell in preparation for war. Sure, it hurts like hell to have metal rods pierce my spinal column. Sure, it burns like Irfit for the raw, unfiltered mako to touch me, to flow through me. Sure, it feels strange to be on twelve different intravenous drugs and drift back to my room completely without feeling.

* * *

I'm reading a book about ancient mythology when Sephiroth comes into our room. He's in his new battle outfit, holding his sword and a plastic bag surely full of… something. I try to think of what Sephiroth might have that would necessitate a disposable plastic bag. He leans his new sword up against the wall and sets the bag on the nightstand next to the bed. He stretches and I can hear some of his vertebrae pop one by one. He walks over to the dresser and states simply,

"I'm changing." And then begins to quickly and efficiently rid himself of his new leather clothes and armor bits. After so many times telling him, I know Sephiroth must know that stripping like that in front of another person isn't exactly professional or appropriate, but he seemed to relish in it. I guessed it was because he couldn't be like this with anyone else; I encouraged him to feel comfortable being freely himself around me. So in a way this is my fault, but I'm not complaining. His undergarments come off with a peeling sound and I risk a glance at Sephiroth's naked backside. His hair is growing nicely, I notice. He's stopped cutting it a while ago in what Sephiroth confided in me is a quiet rebellion against Hojo's domineering influence over his life. Sephiroth is an interesting contrast between direct and indirect behavior. Much of his professional life is spent in direct actions. He rarely beats around the bush with people, takes no shit, and is very clear about his expectations and goals.

But in his personal life, he craves the opposite. He can't criticize his own father so directly, but Sephiroth can feel better undermining little things. I know Sephiroth so well at this point that he and I could probably communicate to each other without speaking. And because nonverbal communication is becoming our thing, it creates an even more personal channel between us. Sephiroth _knows_ that the stripping nude thing shouldn't happen, but because I reminded him one too many times he does it to tease me.

And I _know_ it's to tease me, because, like it or not, Sephiroth knows he's maturing into a sexy fucking adult. It's no surprise I find him attractive. I've spent months upon months training with him. We spend hours of every single day together. Holy fucking Shiva Asher this is not the FUCKING time to get a massive boner as Sephiroth pulls up those FUCKING SWEATPANTS OVER HIS ASS LIKE THAT-

"You're staring at me, Asher." I blinked, hard and tried to think of President Shinra, naked. Professor Hojo, naked. Calm DOWN. I opened my eyes again.

"I'm sorry, how did your treatment go?"

"Terribly. The treatment was successful, or course, but I feel that I will never get used to my father's… methods." He rubbed his arms, holes still visible. "I see your injection sites have already healed themselves."

I nodded. "Yeah, but I can still feel them. All my joints are sore as hell. I've been popping joints all evening." Sephiroth sat down at the edge of the bed and placed both hands on my knee. Sephiroth's light touch sent waves directly to places it definitely shouldn't.

"Is this sore?"

"Yes, but it's… fine. You don't need to help me right now." My voice was wavering so much and I was shaking. I _really_ didn't need this right now.

"Because of your erection?" Sephiroth had a genuinely earnest face when I met his eyes. I didn't know how to respond, exactly.

"To put it simply, yeah." Sephiroth's eyes traveled down my body to my crotch.

"Asher, I want you to explain something. Forgive me if this seems rude."

"Sephiroth, your questions are never rude or stupid to me. Ask." I was pretty sure I had melted into the bed at this point; I couldn't move. My book tumbled onto the floor.

"Erections occur when you feel sexual attraction to another."

"Yes." Sephiroth met my eyes again.

"You are attracted to me."

"Yes, Sephiroth."

"It was my disrobing, especially, which triggered it."

"Yeah."

"Part of Hojo's treatment today, he told me, was to accelerate our physical development towards maturity. I imagine hormones are at much higher levels than normal in both of our bodies." He glanced away. I tried to reason through the implications of that.

"So I'm not just extra horny for no reason, then."

"Correct."

"Well, that's a relief, I guess. Your hands on my knee aren't exactly helping, though."

Sephiroth continued to stroke my knee. I hissed as one hand began rubbing circles in my lower thigh.

"Asher, you accept me as I am, without compromise, and I thank you greatly for that. In our friendship, in private, you allow me to do whatever I want, free of consequence. But you don't afford yourself the same privilege. Why not?"

All my brain-thinking blood was down making my dick throb. Fuck, Sephiroth really had me by the knee.

"What?" I said intelligently.

"You restrain yourself too much. In private. You want to be whatever I want you to be. You know I've been domineered by Hojo and Shinra for too long to let you do the same for me. You're the one who revealed that to me, now let me repeat it back at you. You're perfect just the way you are." If I had any blood left to blush with, I would have. "What do you want, my lieutenant?" Fuck, he really knew how to tease me. This development to our relationship was probably a long time coming, but it was no less sudden. I had to try to take the diplomatic route out.

"Sephiroth, I think we should have this conversation when we're not mako-high or whatever you want to call it. When we're clear headed. I think if you touch me any… more that I won't be able to stop myself."

Sephiroth met me with a small smile.

"I don't want you to stop yourself."

"I do, can you respect that?" Sephiroth seemed a little shocked, but withdrew his hands from fondling my leg and sat cross legged on the bed. He seemed disappointed.

"I entered the room ready to ask you to help me, but then I found an opportunity to help you, and…" It was the first time I'd ever seen Sephiroth at a loss for words.

"Hey.. hey." I sat up to get next to Sephiroth on the edge of the bed, putting an arm over his shoulder. "No, it's alright. You shouldn't feel obligated to-"

"I want to."

"Okay. Let's just talk about it later." I reach to pet Sephiroth on the head. "What did you need me for?"

"Ah." Sephiroth got up and walked around to the bag and pulled out some hooks and adhesive strips. "I need your help attaching these to the wall to hang Masamune on."

* * *

 **[a/n] tell me what you think! 3**


	10. the war era

**[a/n] if i'm being honest I just want to get a move on already. It might be a mistake, but i'm abridging the early part of the wutai conflict heavily, mostly to get these characters older, and getting at least Angeal and Genesis into the picture. I've spent way too long idling. If you really wanted to see capital W War, then sorry, but don't worry. Remember that the Wutai conflict will continue up until the start of Crisis Core proper, quite a while in the future, even with this fast forward. I feel like I don't necessarily need to stick to linearity quite as much, but for the sake of most I'll try. I think I'm going to go for even shorter chapters just to try to have regular postings. idk**

* * *

Lieutenant's log. Combat date 001.4.

The Shinra assault fleet is due to make landfall in Wutai by tonight. With us, we bring Shinra Infantry Battalions 03-22, 8000 in all, as well as the crews of the 60 vessels carrying them. Those crews as well as addition support staff add another 3500 men to the fight. Heidegger currently remains in Midgar overseeing additional reinforcements to aid the war effort. A newly promoted General Hammond will oversee the ground assault and beachhead formation on the Wutai coast.

Sephiroth will lead the SOLDIER contingent. Out of the current 38 SOLDIERs, including Sephiroth and myself, 8 were designated 1st Class. 6 are here in Wutai, while the remaining two are to remain at Shinra and help direct SOLDIER recruitment for new '3rd Class' SOLDIERs. Most of the other '2nd Class' were here in Wutai; one is to be assigned to each battalion unless needed for for special assignment at Sephiroth and General Hammond's discretion.

Tseng is here with a few Turks to monitor the situation and help wherever they can. Tseng told me that Veld was tied up in other matters and could not make it out here himself. Before I left, I gave instructions to the science team continuing my work on the Virtual Reality System. In fact, I wrote what amounts to a small book containing everything a technician would need to know about holography. I wrote the book so I could free the space in my mind for new war information: tactics, movements, everything I could remember to help Sephiroth and the war effort.

Hopefully the conflict ends relatively quickly. We bring so much force to bear, it would be a shame to prolong the suffering of war any longer than necessary.

Lieutenant's log, supplemental. Combat date 006.1.

The native Wutai woke us up again tonight, reminding us that they will fight for every centimeter of their country. I have the feeling this is going to be a long a slow engagement.

* * *

Sephiroth laid on his bedroll thinking about his situation. It had been fifteen days since their forces had landed in Wutai, and Shinra still only controlled a two kilometer stretch of beach and 500 meters inland. Pathetic by Shinra standards, infuriating to Heidegger and President Shinra. The Wutaians always laid in wait; they had placed innumerable traps and ambushes throughout the region. They had already tried to relocate their assault completely, but that turned out to be a four-day waste of time as the Wutaians moved faster than Shinra's infantry ever could.

Sephiroth glanced over at a sleeping Lieutenant Asher. He saw him dressed in special tactical gear that Heidegger mandated, hand on his hip where his standard issue sword was sheathed. Asher didn't snore; it was a trait they shared. Sephiroth could still hear the even breathing of sleep that was becoming increasingly rare. Wutai strategy seemed to be to harass Shinra whenever possible, during the night to lose sleep, during the day with short guerilla engagements that would end as soon as Sephiroth showed up. He hadn't even seen proper combat yet. Asher had contributed more, attempting to find as disarm traps and healing those injured by them. Already they had lost several dozen to Wutai methods.

Asher's right shin was bandaged from one such disarming attempt. Even Asher couldn't always outsmart Wutai traps.

* * *

Sephiroth whirled through the Wutai scout force as they attempted to run away, killing left, right, and center. They would not escape. Peripherally, Sephiroth was aware of Asher running quickly to keep up, casting buffs and restoring Sephiroth over and over with his new materia-on-a-stick excuse for a mage staff. Sephiroth had massively overextended, sure, but he desperately needed this release. And when your trusted lieutenant was carrying you this hard, better to just go with it.

Even further back, Shinra troops advanced as fast as they could using trap sweepers developed by the support corps with help from Asher and other's experience with the traps. Wutai could only have so many tricks up their sleeve, and when they ran out, Shinra would win.

Sephiroth followed the last scouts as he was led to a camp of sorts. Here, as soon as he entered the camp, a lot of things happened at once. First, a net snapped up from nowhere, ensnaring Sephiroth and forcing him to drop Masamune. Then Sephiroth heard the thoot of dart guns as several pricks on his skin were felt, followed back a spreading feeling of numbness. Sephiroth couldn't summon the strength to break free. He'd just walked into a terrible trap. One that might cost him his life.

Luckily, he heard a familiar deep breath (more like a heave now) somewhere in the brush. Still at full speed, Asher burst through and threw his sword forward, embedding itself in the chest of the one closest to Masamune on the ground. Quickly snatching up Sephiroth's sword, he slammed the butt of his staff into the ground and gave a kiai so loud he was pretty sure Hammond back on the beach could have heard it. The wind sharply picked up as a momentary tornado intensified beneath Sephiroth, knocking the Wutai troops off their feet. Asher tossed the Masamune up to him, and in one smooth move Sephiroth cleaved his bindings away, landing on the ground next to Asher.

"Thank you." Sephiroth finally heard the strain in his voice as the tranquilizer effects started to take hold.

"Don't… thank me… yet." Asher sounded out of breath after keeping up with him for so long. The Wutaians were already readying another coordinated attack on them both. Sephiroth had to lean on Asher for support; he couldn't feel his arms anymore.

"We have this under control." Sephiroth tried to sound confident. Asher nodded.

"That we do."

* * *

Lieutenant's log. Combat date 191.7

War is a test of human determination and willpower. To break the other's morale means you've won. Neither Wutai nor Shinra will give up. It's all the same mind-numbing push inland. Holding our territory is just as hard as forcing submission from new territory. More and more, I'm spending time in the infirmary healing the injured. A cycle. Sometimes Sephiroth takes me and a few others on special missions, destroy x building, kill x person. The Wutai have nicknamed Sephiroth "The Demon". In my report to Hammond and Heidegger, I estimate that Sephiroth alone has killed 1000 locals. Sounds about right.

I don't know why, but people look to me just as often as they look to Sephiroth for inspiration. When I asked 1st Class Samuels why, he says it's because I'm the opposite of Sephiroth. Where his detached fury and pure overwhelming power are awe-inspiring, my personal connection to SOLDIER and much of the infantry was inspiring in and of itself. What personal connection? Apparently, over time I have personally healing away serious injuries from all deployed SOLDIERs and countless infantrymen. Sarcastically, some nicknamed me "The Angel" in contrast to Sephiroth's Wutai-given moniker.

In any case, I certainly have done a lot of healing. I'd mastered several Full Cure, Heal, and Restore materia in the process. Hammond had me sent Shinra's only Master Magic Materia for flexible use. I'm close to mastering that too. It's a bit scary. I've always known I had an intuition, a skill for magic, but I guess using magic under stressful conditions for extended periods of time really forges a master mage. Sephiroth certainly thinks so; I think he's forgotten that he taught me so much swordwork, he just encourages my magical development. He just wants me to just Haste and spam Regen on him while he should by all rights be dead ten times over. Sephiroth seems so satisfied out here, I love it. I put the painful parts of war out of mind and just concentrate on the here and now. We'll get there eventually.

* * *

 **[a/n] thanks for reading.**


	11. detour

**[a/n]: it's a chapter, that's for sure. I'm just writing whatever comes to mind without regard to focus or continuity.**

* * *

 **Lieutenant's log. Combat date 355.6.**

The SOLDIER unit has succeeded in taking Fort-

* * *

I was interrupted from writing my report by 1st Class Jensen. He was entering the carpeted office of the (former) Fort Commander holding an alcohol container and was quite red in the face. Jensen had an enthusiastic voice with a wide range of tones.

"Oi, Lieutenant. I drunk the whole of this here bottle and I can barely feel a thing. Is Wutaian wine really so weak?" No, Wutai wine was some of the strongest in the world. I put down my pen and took a deep breath.

"No, it's just that your SOLDIER metabolism breaks down alcohol long before it begins to affect the brain in a meaningful way." Jensen raised an eyebrow.

"So we can't get drunk? That explains a lot; I went out with army mates just before we left, and I had to be driver, at the end. My head was perfectly clear, even though I drank just as much as they did. You know?" He tossed me the bottle. I caught it out of the air. "Have some, then."

I ignored the obvious 'no getting drunk on duty'. "I'm still not of age, Jensen. Even in Wutai, if my cultural study is accurate." Jensen shrugged.

"You said it yourself, we can't get drunk. Can still get a bit of a buzz for a few seconds, but that's about it. Go for it. You deserve it." I quirked a small smile at him.

"Why do you say that?" Jensen rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"When I was seventeen I was… scrubbing floors as a cadet, and here you are, keeping pace with the best and brightest, well maybe not the brightest." A smirk from Jensen. "But still! Celebrate! You know, over there with Sephiroth and the others." I tried to put my eyes back to paper.

"I know Sephiroth well enough to say that is isn't so much that he's celebrating as much as all of SOLDIER is celebrating him." Jensen shrugged and had the decency to not make fun.

"Well, can you blame them? The man's a one man army. You know better than anyone, I guess. Hey, can I ask you a question? Don't be offended?" I sighed.

"Sure. Ask whatever you want. You know I'm always here for that. I won't be offended."

"Are you and Sephiroth involved? Or do you have someone back home?"

"I know you have a girl back home. I don't. Neither of those things."

"Oh, come now. You're the only person Sephiroth looks at. I'm not a gossip."

"Then why leave the party to come out here and ask?" It sounded worse than I meant it. Jensen just shrugged again.

"I figured I'd just ask. No one really knows what's up with you two, other than Sephiroth is the deliverance of the gods, and you're the best XO I've ever had. Being half the age I'm used to. You two always sleep in the same tent. You're telling me nothing's happened?" I thought about our year in Wutai so far.

"I mean yes, we sleep in that tent, often times on the same bedroll. I don't think Sephiroth is even looking for a physical relationship right now. He spends day after day, month after month, in combat. You know, he's exhilarated by it. And exhausted by it, eventually. Once our SOLDIER strength stretches to the limit and my heals do no more good. We're there for each other, in comfort. Just by being there, to reassure the other. You know?"

Jensen scratched his neck. "When Buckley and Oswald started 'comforting' each other so often, Section 32 could hear them five tents down. But I do get it. I wish my girl could be here with me. But I don't wanna drag her into this hell, no sir. You and all the other SOLDIER boys, we're all here for each other instead. We all make war is hell worth fighting through."

"Yeah," I mused.

"Tonight's the night I realized she's probably left me." Jensen's head drooped. "We've been deployed a year without leave. Our relationship was great, you know, but not so unique that I'd expect her to wait this long. Definitely not. I realized that just now at the party, and I wanted to talk about it. Sorry."

I made my way over to him and motioned for us to on the floor next to each other. This is something I wanted to handle delicately.

"Don't be. You should always feel safe talking about your problems, even if there will always be those who would take advantage. It was a good idea to talk to me." I had become something of an amateur counselor, add it to the list, ever since I encouraged the contingent of SOLDIER to open up to me privately about problems they had.

"Thanks." He sighed. "I just feel so… tired. Everyone else does. Do you?" I moved my shoulders to pop my back. I got through four pops before i decided to lay down on my back.

"Ugh. Yes. Please. I'd really like some leave after all of this time in the field." Jensen lay down on the floor next to me and groaned.

"This carpet is somehow more comfortable than all our time in the field. I could fucking pass out right here." Jensen yawned, which triggered a similar yawn in me. "Can't you request leave for us. I mean, you're not technically one of the senior officers here because," Jensen poked at my face. "Kid. But Sephiroth made you XO, and no one seems to object to that. I think if someone had to represent us to argue for leave, most of us would agree on you. You talk to Hammond more than anyone. You talk to Lazard more than anyone. I mean, SOLDIERs don't get tired in the same way as everyone else in the infantry. But… it's like…"

"Your bones hurt," I finished.

"Yeah. It doesn't stop. Bodies aren't meant to work this much; I don't care what Science wants to pump into us."

"I mean, I don't want to give a point to Hojo here, but the bone hurting thing isn't even physical."

Jensen tilted his head at me and grinned. "Shut up, Mr. Science Department."

I can't heal it away with materia. It's psychological. Being out here really is damaging for the extended long term." I came to a conclusion in my mind. "I'm going to finish writing my report. I'm going to start arguing for our leave, if only in the reports."

I moved to sit up, but Jensen put a protective arm around me and scooted closer, resting his head on my shoulder. "Mm. Later. This okay?"

"It might be fine if there weren't a group of rowdy SOLDIERs just down the hall ready to discover us."

"Don't care. Tired," he mumbled into my shoulder. I felt him stretch out like a cat and groan. Which was odd, cause Jensen was probably 300 pounds of muscle, unlike some graceful feline.

"You know, I won't be offended if you say you have a thing for me, just tell me." I felt him hum against me.

"Just feels good to hold someone. Think you're the smallest one of us, 'cept Sephiroth. But no one can go near him but you."

"Do I feel like your girlfriend or something?" I asked gently and Jensen chuckled.

"Nah, the shoulders ruin it. Plus… skin is dry. And you smell. Like a guy." He chuckled again, softly.

"I haven't bathed in six days. Since the river. I doubt you've bathed since then, either."

"I don't even remember when I bathed last, dude. Just the post-battle wet wipes dude."

I turned around in his arms to face him. "What, are you the one using all the wipes? I've had to over-budget them so much the last two times." That made Jensen laugh.

"You sound like my mother, right there." He pressed a kiss to my collarbone.

"I am your mother. For all you little shit SOLDIERs who come running for little boo-boos like internal hemorrhaging and Wutai death poison." Jensen let go of me and rolled onto his back.

"Well, you know how to kill the mood. Ah," Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose and hissed. "Sorry, uh… Sir. I apologize if I overstepped your boundaries.

"It's fine. I understand. I get it, I get it." I sat up and looked down on Jensen's pained expression. "I accept your apology." He rubbed his face with his hands and audibly breathed through his nose.

"Anything you'd look forward to going back?"

"I'd honestly like to see how the Virtual Reality system is coming along."

"I heard about that. Heard you were involved somehow."

I shrugged. "I helped to design it."

"Fucking shut up. Seriously? Good for you, dude. I'm sure it'll be great."

I looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I'm sure it will be."

* * *

 **Lieutenant's log. Combat date 355.9.**

The SOLDIER unit has succeeded in taking Fort Aslin. This marks the completion of 29 such SOLDIER operations, all without major incident. In this log, I would like to petition for general leave for the SOLDIER unit on their behalf. We have…

.

.

.


	12. return

Sephiroth stood in the office. Early daylight filtered in through the window as he perused the room. Two of his First Class officers were asleep, Jensen on the floor and Asher in the chair. Asher had excused himself from the festivities the previous night to write a final report, but never came back. Jensen volunteered to go retrieve him, but apparently that failed. Sephiroth would have searched for them himself, but his men assured him it was fine. Normally it would have more of a concern to him, but Sephiroth remembered Asher's own advice, to have fun and to not worry, when appropriate of course.

So Sephiroth let them go, and apparently they both met up in this room. Glancing at the papers in front of his lieutenant, he confirmed the 3-page report had been written as he said. He gathered it in his hands and began to read while the two slept on. The report was a succinct recap of the taking and security of the fort, followed by a re-enumeration of the accomplishments of the SOLDIER unit so far, ending with a recommendation of leave.

Leave. The thought had not crossed Sephiroth's mind. SOLDIERs shouldn't need leave, they are as capable as the day they deploy. Maybe Asher saw something Sephiroth didn't. After all, Sephiroth hadn't been a traditional leader during his time in Wutai. Perhaps he had sometimes delegated too much responsibility to his lieutenant; he never liked paperwork and management, and Asher seemed to excel at it. He was a leader by example, he did things. He took the fight to the enemy, and won.

But maybe not everyone could continue like this. It was Asher's opinion that the SOLDIERs were no different than the infantry, and least at their core. Ordinary men in superpowerful bodies. That opinion ran contrary to what Hojo and his scientists had always told him, but that wouldn't be new coming from Asher. Suddenly Sephiroth's heightened senses took in everything at once. The way Jensen was curled tightly on the floor. The scratches and scars over his arms. The worry, even in sleep, on Asher's face. A white scar up his right shin, a few dimly glowing veins in his hands.

Sephiroth moved to pick Asher up in his arms and begin to carry him out of the room, nudging Jensen with his foot on the way out. Out the door and to the rest of the squad, who fell silent at Sephiroth's entrance. Asher stirred in his sleep and pressed his head deeper into Sephiroth's shoulder. The general tension diffused into uncertainty among the SOLDIERs. What would their Silver Demon say? He looked down at the Lieutenant in his arms and for once, he didn't feel the pull of battle.

"We're going home."

* * *

A week later, we were to be interviewed in front of the world. All recorded beforehand, of course, in front of a live studio audience of Shinra employees. Sephiroth and I stood in the green room together, he in a touched up shiny version of his leather battle suit, and me in my impossibly soft, not faded, spotless First Class uniform. We both had gotten makeup and hair gel to look good under the studio lights. Sephiroth looked visibly irritated as he paced back and forth as I sat in a chair.

"Seph, stop worrying. If you make any mistakes, we can always recut it." He gave me a stink eye.

"I am not suffering from anxiety. I hate how we are being forced to wait." I shrugged and tapped my hand on the chair arm.

"Then meditate. Make conversation with me. Anything to take your mind off of things."

"How many new recruits to SOLDIER do we have this year?"

"So far? 52. A few show great improvement, at least, that's what Schmidt and O'Mara said."

"The SOLDIERs First Class who were never deployed?" Sephiroth sat down on the crate next to my chair.

"Yeah. But they've been on many missions in the city, I think they've pulled their fair share as SOLDIERs; plus they've been a huge help in the training program."

"Mmm." Sephiroth closed his eyes and breathed sharply in through his nose. "I'd like to thank you."

"For what?" Sephiroth face betrayed nothing to me.

"Everything. You have done everything I have ever asked of you, and served me well in the campaign. Your presence of being kept morale alive far longer than I believe I ever could. You make all that awful, awful return-from-the-war paperwork go away. I could not ask for a better lieutenant."

I blushed heavily under the praise.

"I appreciate that."

"I am glad. I am recommending you for promotion to Lieutenant Colonel immediately. I am apparently being made a Major General within Shinra."

"Really? Congratulations. You deserve- Wait, when have a been a major? Promotion order?"

"Doesn't matter at Shinra, as you should well remember," Sephiroth remarked. "I don't really want this promotion, but I will take it. It affords me many luxuries, such as my own penthouse and other special privileges." Sephiroth opened his eyes and looked and me in a strange way.

"You have been sleeping in the VR control room for the past five days. Your assigned room hasn't been touched." I shrugged.

"I want to work on it. It feels so close, especially with all of the modeling data I had collected and the breakthroughs in intuitive algorithm design since-" Sephiroth pressed a finger to my lips.

"I thought the idea was to take time off from Shinra projects while on leave. Your words, your idea." A smirk formed on his face. "Do I need to order you to relax, my lieutenant?"

"It's not like you don't still train constantly in lieu of the war." Sephiroth smiled slightly again.

"I would be willing to entertain idle relaxing if you are. Here's my deal. After this inane taping, I invite you to my quarters and we don't leave until we have both had 'fun'."

I considered the option. "That sounds suspiciously like a sleepover, Seph. Something I've never personally been a part of."

Sephiroth nodded. "I too, have also only encountered the 'sleep over' in a purely academic environment."

Then both of them laughed, Sephiroth much more softly than Asher.

A stage tech came into the green and signaled that we would be going on soon. A television showing the live taping feed (since this wasn't going to be broadcast immediately as Shinra content censors thoroughly check everything) began to play a talk show into for Friday Night Midgar, hosted by some guy neither of them had ever heard of.

"Who's on first?" Sephiroth nudged me.

"I am." I took a deep breath. "I'm the 'ordinary' SOLDIER in contrast to the legendary Sephiroth, is the angle they're going for. Therefore I'm on first."

"You are definitely not an ordinary SOLDIER." I shook my head.

"That's not the point. No one will know the difference. Besides they wanted that dynamic in spite of your insistence on me accompanying you on this show."

"I think I would go insane without someone to talk to in this environment. In any case, I'd like you and I to represent SOLDIER. I trust you not to make a fumble in conversation."

"That's a lot of responsibility." Sephiroth nodded.

"With authority comes responsibility, lieutenant."

Leave it to Sephiroth to say something like that. A stage tech signaled it was time. Before I was able to get up, Sephiroth, grabbed my sleeve.

"What is the host's name? I am afraid it slipped my mind." Right.

"Ah, John, I believe. Ninety percent sure." He nodded.

"Good to know we're both taking this seriously." I nodded back to him.

* * *

"I'm sure everyone is curious about what it's like to be a SOLDIER, since Shinra is so secretive about it."

"It's hard work, but rewarding," I chose to paraphrase the SOLDIER mission statement as I sat in my chair opposite the host's desk. "SOLDIER lets one have opportunities to see the world, prove their worth, find glory. It's not easy either, only the best make it."

The host grinned. "It certainly sounds like it. According to one of your colleagues involved with recruitment, acceptance rates for your first year were seven percent. How would you encourage those who might be on the fence about applying?"

I decided to just be honest, even if my honesty would be interpreted differently to how I meant it. "Shinra is the only place to work, if you want to go far. SOLDIER and Shinra army opportunities aren't just great, they're unique. If you can fulfill any needed role, not just SOLDIER, Shinra will find a place for you." Technically true was the best kind of true in the case of propaganda.

The host clasped his hands together and leaned forward. "And now for our main subject tonight, the mysterious SOLDIER Sephiroth. Here, on Friday Night Midgar, we have an exclusive first interview with the man that strikes fear into those who fight Shinra. Colonel, before we bring General Sephiroth out here, give us an idea. What does Sephiroth mean to you and all the SOLDIERs. Isn't he scary?"

Definitely unintentionally a personal question, I decided to give a response to the second question.

"Only scary to his enemies. To us, he still commands an intense respect among SOLDIERs. He is the single most accomplished infantryman ever, and his career has so much longer to go."

The host and I were dancing around the fact that Sephiroth and I, and some SOLDIERs already, were under 18. Kids. Shinra wouldn't want to frame it that way, even if it was true. The lights dimmed, and the host looked around with exaggerated confusion.

"Hmm? What's happened to the lights?" Canned laughter from the audience that changed to hushed silence as Sephiroth silently stalked out from backstage, Masamune drawn. I could only sense his aura; I had to strain with my enhanced hearing in the silence to hear his light steps. The host yelped and hid behind his desk, dramatically peeking out from behind. Sephiroth walked up to behind my chair and began a short script we'd sort of (not really, we were winging it) hashed out before as a bit for the show.

"SOLDIER, report. What is the situation?" he said softly, but loud enough to be picked up clearly on mic.

"Host has retreated into Fort Desk, sir. Shall we begin a siege of the fort?"

"Of course, we will not accept anything less than unconditional surrender." Sephiroth walked around and held Masamune up at the host. "Hear this. If you do not yield, I will rain death and terror upon your people the likes of which you have never seen." The host held up a small white flag and waved it back and forth.

"I yield, I yield!" Sephiroth nodded and sheathed his sword. The lights came back on and everyone sat down as normal. The audience applauded as the host readied his questions.

"Good evening, John."

"And a good evening to you, General Sephiroth. How are you feeling returning from a year's worth of campaigning in Wutai?"

"I feel very proud of my SOLDIERs and the work we have been able to accomplish together. I could not ask for a better contingent to wage war."

"Of course. The natives of Wutai do call you the 'Demon', what do you think of that."

Sephiroth shrugged. "They are right to fear me. I have killed countless hundreds of them, I may be the single most effective man in Shinra's military."

The host considering a piece of paper in front of him, displaying it to the audience. (It was blank, beside the point) "Some reports indicate the precise number to be at least 600. Could you care to verify this."

"To be honest, I don't keep track. But you could ask my lieutenant, Colonel Asher. He's the one who tracks these things."

"Colonel Asher, do you have a more accurate estimate?" The host and studio seemed to anticipate the answer.

I let the tension build for a few seconds before delivering.

"One thousand, three hundred, fourteen." There was no sound from the audience. The host sat there, stunned.

"More or less," I clarified.

The host snapped out of it first.

"Ah, yes. That's… very impressive."

Sephiroth nodded. "Thank you."

"So, if an aspiring SOLDIER wanted to eventually work with you, what would they have to do?"

"There is a general army entrance exam available every week. The SOLDIER entry exam is available every two months. Both need to be passed in order to enter SOLDIER. A combination test is available for those wanting to enter directly into SOLDIER from the civilian population. As SOLDIER grows, I may not be available for every one of my men, but those I have worked with are fine SOLDIERs in their own right. They form the backbone of SOLDIERs personnel infrastructure. If you truly go above and beyond, there is no reason why we wouldn't work together." (The last part was a lie, at least probably. Sephiroth wasn't any more sociable than he ever was.)

"Of course. Thanks to General Sephiroth, Colonel Asher, and SOLDIER for allowing this exclusive interview. Join us next time, that's our show!"


	13. new life

**[a/n]: ffnet really fucked up my formatting for some parts here but hopefully i made do correctly.**

* * *

Sephiroth awakens on the dot at 6:00 AM to prepare for his day ahead, so I get up at 5:30 AM ahead of him to shower and prearrange coffee, to allow myself to really wake up before Sephiroth. When Sephiroth walks into our kitchenette with just sweatpants on, I hand him his coffee and we have breakfast together in the early morning silence. The sun rises. If there's something pressing to discuss: an important company event, a complex mission profile, or just to talk about something on either of our minds, then we have a soft, sleepy discussion on it. It's one of my favorite kinds of Sephiroth, where he hasn't composed himself at all; his reactions are genuine and nice. It really satisfies me to know that Sephiroth really is comfortable being like that around me, and that life can just be like this without any stress, at least until work starts. Then Sephiroth can be his serious, professional self for the rest of the day. But that early morning, that's my Sephiroth. And that's a great thing.

* * *

I find it very endearing that Lieutenant Asher continues to awaken before me every day to prepare breakfast and coffee. Of course, I can feel and hear him leave the bed, but I have grown to learn that this is something he probably knows. He knows that I know, and continues to do it. Because he wants to do it for me. It's something I rarely experience in my professional relationships, or any other relationships, for that matter. It allows me to enjoy that feeling when you wake up in bed, and it feels perfect; you don't want to get up. But I have mandated that I do get up and 0600 to prepare for the day, and inevitably, that time arrives. I meet Asher and he greets me with such a genuineness that I treasure every day that it happens. His availability is what does it for me, he has anticipated all my needs and we prepare for the day together. Watching the sun rise through Shinra's green mako pollution is a strange experience after so many clear sunrises in Wutai, but it is nice nonetheless. His presence is what I have come to call comforting, something unique to him among all the people I know. I can approach him on any topic and feel confident knowing he will take it seriously and understand my concerns. I appreciate it endlessly.

* * *

[really mangled text message formatting]

 **[seph ❤️]**

 **test**

Well this seems convenient, I suppose. I can see

it becoming a distraction with time, however.

 **are you kidding. It's great! you**

 **have a computer in your pocket!**

I am afraid I do not yet appreciate the PHS

technology as fully as you do. You embrace

new tools more easily than I.

 **1:22 PM**

 **i'm already thinking of integrating it**

 **into the VR system, I can think of so**

 **much to do with it already**

I have not asked how the VR system is coming

recently. You seemed stressed about it, but I did

not know how to breach the subject. I apologize.

 **aw thanks**

 **yeah it's coming fine, just need to**

 **work a few implementation issues**

 **out and should be good i hope.**

You said that the last time we discussed the VR

system.

 **well i'm making sure the code is maintainable**

 **and transferable! a few days of work how will**

 **save me weeks later on. i need to get it all**

 **right at the start!**

 **by the way, what's up?**

Still paperwork. I loathe your absence in helping me.

I know it's my responsibility to do my own

paperwork, but I'd much rather have you do it. You

are much more efficient at paperwork than I.

 **i mean most of that paper is forms. I could**

 **write a bot for the bulk of it after i get**

 **done here. That would save you much more in**

 **the long run.**

Automate paperwork? It's supposed to be done by

Shinra employees. They have to see it.

 **i mean how many times have you looked at a**

 **form and thought a brain dead chocobo could**

 **swipe its feet covered in ink across the page and**

 **get the same result?**

You give those bean counters on floor 12 too much

credit. But yes, I see your point. The work that actually

matters will still go through to me?

 **yeah yeah i do that paperwork too seph i know**

 **what needs to be seen and what doesn't. most**

 **doesn't, lol. we can work it out later.**

Excellent. Thank you.

* * *

Sephiroth was standing on a road which passed underneath a building in Sector 2's under-plate slums. Many unseemly persons strolled about; this was obviously not a place he would have chosen to 'hang out' unless Asher recommended it. Which he did. Sephiroth was incognito in silk sweatpants and a loose shirt. His hair was tied up in a band and tucked into his shirt; he wore a hat and dark sunglasses Asher left him to mask the SOLDIER glow. He felt a little silly.

There were several doors in this underpass, some leading to obviously uncouth establishments that shamelessly advertised "Topless Servers." or "500 gil for 5". There was one door advertising how much money passed through their gambling and casino. Highly illegal, to be sure, but unenforceable under the plate. Sephiroth didn't really feel like making any arrests tonight. Again, to reiterate, not a place Sephiroth would have ever considered visiting. He checked his PHS for any insight.

* * *

 **[LT Col Asher]**

two blocks down, underpass on the left. has

lot's of neon and is hidden away a bit. Perfect

to hide from police etc lol

 **9:32 PM**

 **I don't understand how an arcade**

 **could be down here. Where is it?**

oh yeah the casino. it's way in back, with

the slot machines. sorry. just come have

fun! :D

* * *

Sephiroth blinked at the emoticon. He didn't really understand their utility, but then again, Asher was the technology expert between them. Maybe they did have some greater meaning. Oh well.

A security guard patted him down with a nightstick and let him through after satisfied that he didn't have a weapon on him. In all actuality, Sephiroth was still the deadliest person there, with or without a weapon. The establishment smells strongly of smoke and alcohol. He wondered how Asher ever became familiar with such an establishment. Living under the plate it wasn't necessarily a surprise, but it made Sephiroth feel a little apprehensive about the whole thing.

Moving past some dealer's tables and slot machines, Sephiroth spotted some neon lights at the back that illuminated arcade cabinet and even more elaborate setups Sephiroth had never considered for gaming. He wasn't the type.

A few scattered people were absorbed in their games, Sephiroth saw as he walked through the machines. It didn't seem healthy, but Sephiroth had learned not to judge people arbitrarily for things like that. If this was how they found happiness then so be it. It wasn't his place to intervene.

He was waved down by Asher, similarly incognito, standing at a two-player machine with a platform out front in front of a large screen and speaker setup. The platform held a pair of large crosses made of colored arrows. A horizontal bar was set across the back, which Asher was leaning on.

"Ay, over here!" Asher grinned and hopped off the platform in front of him. "Thanks for coming." Asher seemed very excited beneath the dark glasses he also wore.

"I will admit, I was… curious about what you had in mind for entertainment." Sephiroth said a little awkwardly and Asher shrugged. Sephiroth wasn't expecting a whole lot from under the plate, but if anyone knew where to find worthwhile entertainment there, it would be him.

"It's just a little bit of fun. Honestly, I don't intend to come back here once I get the Virtual Reality System up and running properly, but since I used to come here sometimes back then, I felt like I should bookend that part of my life somehow."

Asher rubbed the back of his head and Sephiroth understood what he meant. Being torn from a life like that, even if it was definitely for the better must have been quite jarring. Asher never got the chance for proper closure to his old life; Sephiroth supposed this was as appropriate as anything. There was one thing he was curious about, however,

"Where did you get these glasses, by the way? I can see clearly out of them, and yet, I cannot see our eyes through them." Asher tapping the rim of his glasses and nodded. He leaned in to talk lowly, obscured by the noise of the arcade machines.

"They're Turk glasses. Polarized lenses. I asked Tseng for two pairs." Asher's strange relationship with Tseng was one Sephiroth never really understood. But he didn't really mind; it made interacting with the Turks that much simpler and easier. Plus Asher, through the Turks, was able to stop many problems before they started. So it all worked out, Sephiroth supposed. Another thing his lieutenant could take care of.

"What do you owe the Turks this time?" Asher tapped his chest dramatically

"Only my eternal soul, as usual." Asher smiled and grabbed Sephiroth by the arm, dragging him onto the platform. "Come on, I'll show you."

The game was relatively straightforward, as Asher described it. It was a game that emphasized coordination and execution on fast reflexes. One used their feet to hit one or more of the four arrows on the platform as arrows on screen scrolled up to intercept four 'receptors' at the top, to the tune of some contemporary pop music. The music largely seemed inane, but the concept of quantifying a coordinated action in such a manner was interesting.

Asher became more enthusiastic in describing exactly how timing was judged, and all the nomenclature and techniques associated with the game. It was good to see his lieutenant so excited about topics he was interested in. Sephiroth could see why such an activity was so exciting. It was like when he first began to teach Asher about sword work, he wanted someone else to understand how he felt about it. And while some rhythm game with your feet probably wasn't as diverse as sword fighting, there was a similar attitude about it that Sephiroth was able to pick up on.

"So, did you want to play?" Sephiroth blinked for a beat before responding.

"I think a demonstration is in order. I would like to watch you play through one song first."

Asher nodded and Sephiroth got off the platform. Placing his glasses and hat on the rim of the screen, Asher grabbed the back bar with both hands and pressed the arrows on the pad to traverse menus and cycle to a song he wanted, one with strong emphasis on rhythmic intensity and synthetic sounds. Sephiroth wasn't fond of music especially, but he supposed a song with such a structure would be ideal for a rhythm game.

The song started up in earnest as Asher stepped on arrows as they lined up with receptors. Sephiroth was quick to recognize some common techniques design, how some patterns emphasized different parts of the song to create a unique feeling of movement related to the song's progression. Sometimes Asher had to rapidly tap a pair of arrows quickly for a trill, some large sounds were represented with large jumps, where he had to jump from one pair of arrows to the other. As the song's intensity increased, so did the patterns.

The song ended in one big emphatic chorus followed by a held note that faded out over time, and Asher turned around to face me.

"Come on, I didn't bring you down here to watch. Come have fun!"

And so he reluctantly joined his lieutenant on the game platform. Asher tapped the bar behind them.

"This is to help you keep yourself stable during the song." Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.

"I have perfect balance and coordination. So do you in fact, as well as every SOLDIER." Asher shrugged and moved his shoulders in circles.

"Maybe not perfect, but very much improved. In fact, that's another reason I wanted to check back in here. To see how much I've really changed."

"Another way to dissociate yourself from your past?" Asher sighed and glanced back at Sephiroth.

"I guess. You want to choose the song?" Sephiroth had no interest in popular music.

"I trust in your judgement," Asher smiled and tapped the down arrow to scroll down to an orchestral track with accompanying vocals.

"Then just tap the arrows to the beat." Sephiroth began to focus on hitting arrows correctly, but as he did, he realized something important. He was enjoying himself. But not because it was something that he liked or found satisfying, but because of who was with him. It was an emotion Sephiroth felt unable to name, but he felt it nonetheless. And he wasn't scared of it.

* * *

 **[a/n]: and that's the end of the arc. join me next time where i actually fucking have other characters in this thing and we approach plot that actually maybe happened in a final fantasy 7 video game lol. thanks for reading!**


	14. act 2

This break in the chapter ordering is mainly to point out the shift away from sole focus on Sephiroth and entirely personal, single relationship snippets. Hopefully I actually realize that change in my writing, but that is the intention. Shifting to an ensemble cast featuring the typical Crisis Core set of characters that everyone is familiar with from reading any other Crisis Core - adjacent fanfiction.

Technically the 'story' of Crisis Core is still in the vague future, this new part of the story takes place in that nebulous 'sometime in Crisis Core' assumption that a lot of fic writers take when they just want to write in the setting of Crisis Core without invoking the plot. Eventually I will probably want to invoke the plot to continue on, but I plan on having some fun in this space.

For the sake of stretching the timeline slightly more, I have already moved characters birthdays as they appear in canon reference material back by a few years. I'm sure no one will be mad at this., I just wanted to make it clear for anyone who wanted to know. I always like to keep timelines straight in my head, even if the timeline is entirely my own. I don't know how many of these characters will actually show up in story, just wanted to cover all my bases ahead of time.

Asher born early 1978 (chosen birthday 21 Dec 1977* [Chapter 4])

Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis born early 1979 (moved back from ~1980)

Zack born 1982 (moved back 2 years from 1984)

Aerith born 7 Feb 1984 (moved back 1 year from 7 Feb 1985)

Cloud born 11 Aug 1984 (moved back 2 years from 11 Aug 1986)

Tifa born 3 May 1984 (moved back 3 years from 3 May 1987)

(idk i'd just like them all to be the same age)

Yuffie born 20 Nov 1988 (moved back 3 years from 20 Nov 1991)

Also, I'm switching to third person strictly from here out, I realized I wanted to write from everyone's perspective so I'll be using third-person limited and omniscient instead of cutting to third-person bits away from a first-person narrative. Hope that clears things up.


	15. the unreality system

**[a/n]: love it when ffnet deletes my formatting. oh well, it isn't that important. Can't put an image in the story like I can on ao3. Oh well. I shouldn't write fic 3am.**

* * *

 **# [ μ ] – εуλ 1996 #**

Asher stood atop a large, flat stone pillar perhaps 50 feet wide; its base descended into the cloud layer below. The sky was cloudless and the sun was nowhere to be seen, and yet there was light. Similar pillars surrounded him and the area, extending into the indefinite distance between the opaque cloud layer and sky. The pillars in the extreme distance were blurry to Asher's SOLDIER eyes.

"How's it look out there?" the voice of Cid Highwind called from nowhere.

"Still sort of blurry." Cid groaned and sighed loudly.

"You better not say it's the damn focusing lenses again, I've checked those fuckers three times, just today!"

Asher didn't think so. Cid and him had been at this problem for months now, trying to iron out the last few problems with the Virtual Reality system.

The launch of the VR room had been great. It won several engineers awards for their work, and Asher a commendation. It was amazingly photorealistic, with thousands of textures gathered from real-life sources, breakthrough holograph rendering technology, materia-driven hitbox implementation, and hard work in optimising the design my SOLDIER First Class Asher. It was immediately implemented as a tool for SOLDIER training of all kinds, as well as the personal use of many higher-ups within Shinra.

But only in confined spaces. Rooms, buildings, caves. Beyond the real physical space of the room, the rendering system could no longer control every point in space, to display a lossless image to the user. If a person moved, then the simulation moved with them, so anything close to the user would be rendered flawlessly. But big open spaces, the draw at long ranges tended to fizzle out and look… wrong somehow.

Asher's duties as XO of SOLDIER got in the way of finding meaningful time to tackle the problem, but finally he put his accumulated leave to use in finally eliminating this damn annoyance once and for all. Cid had dropped in to help when he was free, but Asher had been up for 27 hours now checking the entire length of the setup trying to find what could conceivably be wrong.

"It's not the focusing lenses. Dammit." Asher rubbed his hands into his face.

"Could it be heat somehow vibrating the coils? I know the tiny scales the projection works on could be amplified massively there and back, creating some kinda bad resonance."

"Good idea, we spent three days back at the beginning thinking of that problem, and fixed it. Now primary and secondary drive coils are fed liquid nitrogen. They're as good as they're going to get." Asher was beginning to think they would never find the problem.

Cid grunted and Asher heard paper turning.

"Well, if nothing's with any of the physical components, what're all non-physical ones?"

Non-physical ones? Well…

"All the software I checked. It's running exactly the way it should. The rendering driver uses the literal best resampler to specifically prevent this kind of thing from happening." Asher made to lay down on the smooth stone. It felt like stone, convincingly. It conducted heat away the way clod stone would. Asher shivered as he felt the light wind brush his face. Other huge breakthroughs, marred by some blur at distance. What a joke.

"Well…" Cid drawled out.

"Well what?" Asher was getting frustrated at himself at his point.

"I'll keep looking." Cid seemed as resigned to the impossible annoyance as he was.

Asher pulled out his PHS and opened his VR system administrator app. Saying he was taking the VR room 'offline for maintenance' irritated quite a few people, so he wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer. He would have to resume normal VR activity within 9 hours, there wouldn't be an infinite amount of time to work with….

Wait. Asher sat up and retraced his own train of thought. It reminded him of something, something that sounded like it could help right now. Not infinite, a cutoff. He got to his feet and began walking in the direction he knew the door would be in. Navigating to 'Abort Mission', and pressing it, the clouds and stone pillars around him were restored to the ordinary, polymer-reinforced gray room that was the base form for the VR program.

The door automatically unsealed itself and opened, and Asher excitedly walked out of the chamber and into the control room where Cid swiveled his office chair and raised an eyebrow.

"I have an idea. You're helping me. If this works, I'm getting you a promotion."

* * *

 **[there's supposed to be a picture of a server chat overlay (discord)]**

 **1st Class Asher: [Attached: picture of programming interface] everyone holy FUCK you guys I figured out VR**

 **1st Class Asher: I HAVE BEEN AWAKE THIRTY TWO HOURS**

* * *

Sephiroth almost waded through the legions of SOLDIERs talking to each other, gathered in the anteroom at almost midnight. It was surprising to see so many, but after his lieutenant had sent out a mass announcement for an 'exciting new breakthrough' for the VR training room, everyone managed to show up. The Virtual Reality room was one of the most treasured parts of the Shinra facilities, just below the showers. It was where many found entertainment if they didn't have time to descend into the city or wanted to do something unique that only the VR room could provide.

"If the VR room was so great why isn't so great, why isn't there a VR room 2?" was a common joke among his men decrying the imperfect nature of the system, beloved as it was. Sephiroth didn't understand it and Asher found it difficult to convey to him, telling Sephiroth it was 'just a dumb joke'. It wasn't a joke anymore. VR room 2 had arrived.

The control room door finally opened to a worn-out looking Asher in sweatpants and a blond engineer with really bad five o'clock shadow. The SOLDIERs fell quiet as they waited for him to speak. Asher clapped his hands together and addressed the crowd.

"Now, I know I made a kind of hysterical announcement and-" Asher's jaw unhinged a little as a huge yawn broke out of his body, "-Oh wow, yeah. Point is, I am tired. Alright, so. Virtual Reality. Me and Engineer Highwind have done it. If you want to thank someone, thank Highwind, then me. Like-" Asher glanced at his engineer friend. "To be honest I'm just going to let them in to see, unless you have something else to say?"

The engineer rubbed his chin and stepped forward.

"You bastards love this VR room so much, well, now things are as big as you want. No more fucking confined spaces. Let's go!" Highwind made a sweeping 'follow me' gesture with one hand and Asher stood aside as dozens of SOLDIERs followed him through the control room. Asher seriously looked exhausted, and Sephiroth was slightly concerned with his health.

"When you requested leave for yourself, I thought you might dedicate some time away from Shinra. You didn't tell me you would be working on the VR room. I am worried that this project is taking too much of-"

"It's done." Asher nodded meaningfully.

"I don't understand."

"That's it." Asher held a tired grin. "That's it." Sephiroth didn't immediately understand.

"The VR room-"

"Is complete. Done. No more work." Asher swayed a little where he stood, and Sephiroth moved to put a hand on his shoulder. The VR room had been a persistent distraction for Asher for a long time now. When he focused on a huge project too big for his own good like that, for Asher, all other priorities became secondary. Sephiroth was sure that if he ordered Asher to stop, he would obey, but he also didn't want to take that away from him. Projects like the VR room were not without purpose or practical application, but it was comforting to know that this was one book Asher could close the book on. Asher leaned heavily into Sephiroth's arm and breathed out heavily through his nose.

"Want to go see it?" Asher waved his hand in the direction of the VR room.

"Of course, I am interested just as everyone else is." Sephiroth adjusted Asher so that he could hold him against his side as they walked together into the virtual space.

Passing the threshold, Sephiroth found himself on a white beach that extended into the distance. Waves crashes onto the shore, and a bright sun reflected off the water and the sand, making the whole scene realistically bright. Brightly coloured buildings clustered past the beach, a town used to tourists. There were a lot of subtle differences from when he was last here, and they really made the difference.

"Costa del Sol." Sephiroth felt Asher nod against him.  
"Yeah, thought it would be a good idea. Could test many things at once. Managed to sneak in water diffraction in there."

"For the first, I can say I am truly amazed by what you've done here. Truly."

"Thanks," Asher mumbled against Sephiroth's shoulder.

"What did you change?"

"Oh," Asher separated himself from Sephiroth and spread his hands wide. "There's a whole separate rendering layer that linearly transforms everything to it, then that is what is rendered."

"A trick." Sephiroth shielded his eyes and scanned the horizon, watching several SOLDIERs jumping into the ocean or chasing each other around the beach.

"Well, the whole VR room is a trick. I just had Cid remind me that I shouldn't try to solve impossible problems. I can just use an unintuitive solution. Just because this room tries to simulate reality doesn't mean it had to do it in the exact same way. Sometimes a severe shortcut is the right move. And it was, here. It doesn't need to be really real, just a plausible simulation of real. A human's brain unintentionally fills in the rest. And it works. You believe you're really here, now."

Sephiroth was really impressed. He could believe his lieutenant could create something like this, in fact, his impression was that this was what the final product would look like.

"What about the space? The space in here is smaller on the outside, obviously; one couldn't really fit an entire beach onto the SOLDIER floor."

"I requisitioned the Master Magic materia and a couple Alls. I barely understand how it works. Don't ask.

"Ah." Asher collapsed onto his back in the sand, staring blankly up at Sephiroth.

"Lieutenant, I am ordering you not to get a big ego about this."

"Yeah." Asher nodded as Sephiroth sat down in the sand, cross-legged, next to his lieutenant.

"Would anyone really go to Costa del Sol now? If they can experience it here instead."

Asher snorted. "Of course they would really go." Asher scooped up some sand with one hand and offered it to Sephiroth. "Take it." Sephiroth held out his hands and Asher poured the sand into it.

"Now, what do you see?"

"White sand." Asher reaches and put a hand on top of the sand in Sephiroth's own cupped hands.

"Ideal white sand. Perfect grains. It's not real. It goes away as soon as you step out of that door."

"What you are saying is this simulation is somehow still imperfect, because it's perfect?"

Asher tilted his head in the sand. "No? I'm saying that this simulation still does not capture any of the true fine detail of the world. Not all grains of sand are identical, nor is it as perfect as is presented here. Everything's -" A yawn from Asher. "-not always the expected case. You know?"

Sephiroth realized after the fact he had walked Asher into an unintentional allegory for himself, and that he had probably done so many times in the past. It was a strange time to have such a profound realization about their conversational, and thus, personal relationship, but there they were.

"May I ask you a personal question, Asher?"

"Yes," Asher mumbled. "You always can."

Maybe it was because Asher was tired, or maybe he really was a little frustrated with reaffirming their conversational openness, but Sephiroth cursed himself inside for questioning that security between them.

"Am I really so concerned with my own image that this sand triggers that kind of reaction from me?"

"Sephiroth…" Suddenly he felt guilty as it seemed it was Asher's turn to be concerned. That word was laced with so much tenderness Sephiroth suddenly considered that he was having this conversation in the general vicinity of his SOLDIERs and not in a private setting. The moment held for several seconds before Asher spoke again.

"Sephiroth. I want to remember something. No matter what anyone tells you, you are your own person. I want you to be your own person. But you don't have to apologize for those habits you picked up when you didn't know any better in the labs. All I can ask is that you recognize those flaws and work to better yourself."

Sephiroth nodded and sighed.

"You should rest now. I believe you do have four more days of leave for you to enjoy."

"Yeah, sounds good." Asher stretched out on the sand like a cat, groaning and pressing closer to the simulated ground.

"You should return to your room, ideally sleeping in a bed." Sephiroth stood up and over Asher's form. Asher squinted up at his commanding officer and held out his arms.

"Carry me?" It wasn't exactly an appropriate request, but Sephiroth was willing to grant it this time. Picking up Asher in his arms, he made his way to the exit as several SOLDIERs whistled after them.

"Why are they whistling at us?" Sephiroth asked.

"Not important. It's fine," Asher mumbled against his chest.

Exciting to the control room, Sephiroth turned to Highwind, the engineer on duty. He nodded at Sephiroth.

"Sir."

"Engineer, could you stay and supervise, make sure everyone clears out by 0130? Many of these SOLDIERs have active duty tomorrow."

The man nodded. "Yessir." Sephiroth turned to leave, carrying his lieutenant out with him. As they made their way to the elevator, Asher breathed in sharply and began to speak.

"Before I forget, I'd like to recommend that engineer for promotion immediately. I'd like you to put in a recommendation too, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. If you think he is deserving of such, then I see you reason to disagree." Asher nodded against Sephiroth. As Sephiroth stood in the elevator, his thoughts drifted to the future.

"Any other big projects you'd like to suggest? I'd like to know before you inject one back into your life."

"Nah, I think I need to do more as a SOLDIER."

"You already do a lot." Asher shook his head.

"That's not what I mean. I mean big things."

"The VR room isn't a big thing?" Sephiroth glanced down at Asher.

"I… I don't know. I feel like something's missing."

"What is missing?"

Asher shrugged. "Not sure." A yawn.

"How about you accompany me for a time? You're often lost in your own head, with paperwork or managing SOLDIER or working on projects. Maybe that's why you feel alone."

" I'm not alone. I have you, dumbass." Sephiroth's grip tightened.

"We do not interact like we used to. Before Wutai. In Wutai, I lost myself in violence, and for that I am sorry, but ever since our return, you have buried yourself in projects every change you get. Maybe do something different."

"Mmmm. Maybe. You're hurting me." Sephiroth realized he was gripping too hard and loosened up a little. The elevator door opened and Sephiroth walked down the hall to their room. It was a little tricky to use a keycard while carrying a person, but Sephiroth laid Asher down on the bed not long after.

"Even this bed." Sephiroth suddenly realized something. "The other SOLDIERs, do they believe we are romantically involved?" Sephiroth tried to speak it neutrally, but something crept into his voice that Asher noticed, opening an eye an peeking up at Sephiroth.

"They do."

"Are we?" Sephiroth didn't even know; he had never been in anything other than a professional relationship before Asher, and it was difficult to get a read on what Asher was thinking since Sephiroth's expertise in this area was effectively zero.

"Are we?" Asher repeated the question back at Sephiroth, and his heart seized up a little at the realization that Asher was handing him complete control of the conversation, to take any way he chose. Sephiroth wasn't comfortable with the freedom to choose in this case, the path forward was unclear and the wrong choice could have serious consequences for their relationship.

Sephiroth finally decided that Asher would be happy if Sephiroth were to answer in an honest way and not what someone else might want to hear.

"I don't know. I wouldn't be the person to ask. But I would like to explore that aspect of myself that was previously empty. I would appreciate exploring it with you."

Asher nodded. "Don't overthink it. What would you like to do?"

Oh Shiva, he wasn't making this easy. More afraid of overwhelming himself than anything else."

"Often, people in close relationships are more comfortable with physical intimacy, but ours lacks that."

Asher nodded. "It's hard to approach you about stuff like that without coming off weird, you know?"

Sephiroth nodded back. "You hold some value to modesty where I do not. When we sleep in the same bed, it is in nightshirts and boxers. We do not engage in contact."

Asher's head tilted. "That's just how it's always been. You never initiated anything, and I felt it was presumptive to ask."

"You are attracted to me?" Asher's face contorted and he laughed.

"Yes, Sephiroth, I am attracted to you. You're attractive, and sexy, and all those things. Without trying. You are my best friend, the person I know best in this world. You treat me with so much respect and love I might as well melt on the spot half the time. You could not possibly be more qualified to be the person I could find attractive."

Sephiroth didn't quite know what to say to that.

"Ah."

Asher hauled himself into a sitting position a reached to where Sephiroth was standing and began to unbuckle his uniform. Sephiroth helped him, not knowing where he was going with this.

"Look, I'd love to continue to have this conversation now, but I'm tired, my brain is fried; we are going to sleep. But if you want intimate, then by fucking Hades I can do that. Don't pick up your clothes, we'll get them in the morning. Just throw them to the side, like our shame and dignity. Clothes and shame are no longer guests in this fucking bedroom. Come on, disrobe."

As he said this, he pulled off his own sweatpants and shirt. Sephiroth smelled sweat and Asher's obvious lack of a shower, his hair was still a mess. Tossing his boxers to the side, Asher moved to undo Sephiroth's belt and pulled down the leather pants and underwear in one move.

Patting the bed beside him, Asher flopped back down on his side. His entire naked front half was visible, something Sephiroth had seen perhaps only a few times before. He was unsure how this worked, so Sephiroth simply lay down next to Asher, who curled up next to him, resting his head on Sephiroth's chest and letting a lazy finger rub the ribs on his other side.

"Asher?"

"Hmm."

"Thank you. For understanding."

"Go to sleep, Seph."

* * *

 **[a/n]: thank you for reading**


	16. new kids on the block

**[a/n]: holy shit actual crisis core characters ONLy 35K words into the story?! what magic is this**

* * *

Angeal Hewley was slightly intimidated by the train schedule. Midgar certainly was a busy place, what with all the trains running back and forth, at least. He was sure he would eventually get used to it, but for now it was a complicated mess that he could scarcely understand. He'd been sitting in the train station for a while now, waiting for his friend Genesis to arrive. Together they were arrive at Shinra headquarters and apply to go into the SOLDIER program. It was Genesis' idea, since they already aspiring swordsmen, looking for something more in their lives; SOLDIER seemed like the perfect fit. Especially with both of them inspired by Sephiroth, the hero of Wutai. If nothing else, they had to find out whether or not his story was Shinra propaganda, in whole or in part.

Angeal had been watching the crowds going by, to get a better impression of the people of Midgar, if only to keep himself busy while waiting for Genesis to arrive. Angeal found that the people of Midgar were so used to mass transport like this, they simply did not interact while using it. It seemed like they treated it as a utility and nothing more. Maybe it simply was, but it seemed like losing an opportunity somehow. He didn't know. Maybe it was just Angeal going stir crazy sitting here waiting for Genesis to arrive. Without a PHS, Angeal had no way to contact Genesis directly; he hoped he wouldn't have to go ahead by himself to the Shinra complex.

* * *

Genesis watched the first class SOLDIER finish talking to several workers before turning to leave. Genesis decided to intercept him shortly thereafter.

"Excuse me, ah, sir?" Genesis ran up from behind to next to as they walked down the sidewalk. The SOLDIER didn't stop but slowed down and glanced over at Genesis, expectantly.

"Yes?"

The SOLDIER was more interesting up close. His short brown hair was stuck flat to his head with monster slime, which lightly stained much of his uniform as well. The First Class uniform was otherwise normal, without any personal identifying marks. He carried a small bag and sword at his back. In his right hand he held a long yellow and purple staff with a blue gem and yellow and green halo at its tip. Some kind of mage's staff.

His brown eyes bore the characteristic glow of a SOLDIER, turning what had to have been brown eyes into ones that were almost gold. His stature was slightly disappointing, just a little shorter than him and not much more muscled than him either. The difference was in how he held himself. Genesis' observation was that the young man seemed tired, but on guard still. Not because of Genesis, he thought, but just because he was always like that. Genesis supposed the SOLDIER must have been posted to Wutai, which wasn't unlikely considering he was a First Class. Considering all of that, Genesis decided to press on thinking it was unlikely that anything too bad would happen.

"You're a SOLDIER, right?" Genesis already knew this, but wanted to gauge his reaction to that question. The other man nodded simply.

"Yes, I am. Are you new to Midgar? It's honestly rare for someone to just approach me like this." He looked slightly bashful when he said that. How cute. Genesis reached out his hand in greetings.

"Genesis Rhapsodos. Pleased to make your acquaintance." Asher reached out to take it but then realized his hand was still covered in monster slime. Luckily he was wearing fingerless gloves so they both awkwardly stood there while he took it off and then they shook hands. Only a little bit of monster slime got on him, then.

"Asher," he said pointedly. The name triggered some recognition faculty, but Genesis couldn't pin down exactly what he remembered about that name.

"So what great monster have you just slain?" Asher blinked once, then nodded.

"You mean this slime and blood on was just a small infestation I had to take care of."

Genesis was interested in why. "Why send a First Class to handle something like that?"

Asher shrugged. "Well, a lot of First Class still go on routine missions that aren't to complicated. Mostly because we can handle them entirely by ourselves. I took this one just because. Plus," Asher tapped the staff against the ground. "I can commit a little mastery to these materia for my trouble, so it's all worth it I guess."

"So you're done with the mission?" Asher nodded.

"Yes, and I'm going to go take a shower now, if you'll excuse me." Asher turned to leave, but Genesis increased his pace to keep up with him.

"Wait, you're going back to Shinra, right?"

"Yeah."

Genesis grinned at him. "So am I."

Asher mused over that. "Well, if you're new to Midgar, then you definitely don't know how the trains work. Come on, I'll take you."

"It's a date." Genesis looked for a reaction in the SOLDIER, but he only briefly faltered before continuing as normal.

"Come on, the closest terminal is over here."

* * *

Even over the din of the crowds, Angeal heard Genesis before he saw him. He was walking down the stairs from street level talking the ear off of some guy stained by monster parts, and holding a staff and backpack on his back.

A SOLDIER? Angeal got up and made his way over to the turnstiles that Genesis seemed oblivious to passing. Angeal almost rushed over just as they both passed through.

"Genesis!" His red-haired friend finally broke his conversation and turned back to Angeal. The SOLDIER glanced over at him too with nominal interest.

"Angeal! Glad you could make it! I was just-"

"Gen, I've been waiting here for hours. What have you been up to?"

Genesis gestured to the SOLDIER that everyone else passing through the turnstiles gave a wide berth to. The civilians didn't complain that the three of them were blocking several turnstiles, but the SOLDIER already seemed to notice.

"This is SOLDIER First Class Asher! He's going to give us a tour of Shinra!"

The SOLDIER quickly interjected, "No, I never agreed to that. This is your friend?" Asher said, gesturing to Angeal, to which both of them nodded. The SOLDIER shoved his staff in the crook of his arm and swiped a card through the turnstile, waving Angeal through.

"Come on then, we're blocking people anyway. Let's go." Angeal pushed through with the SOLDIER's train credit and they both descended to the train platform proper. The brown-haired man turned to Angeal and sighed.

"Your friend is going to work for Shinra, I'm guessing?" Angeal wondered just how much Genesis had told the colonel.

"Well," Angeal admitted, "we both are. We're both hoping to join SOLDIER, actually."

"Hell yes we are!" Genesis grinned from the other side of the man. He raised an eyebrow at them both.

"Really? Well, that makes sense, I guess. Angeal, your friend has been asking me about nothing but my job. Really excited about it, too." Angeal nodded.

"We are both very enthusiastic about the opportunity to join SOLDIER through the combined army-SOLDIER entry exam."

"Yeah. I helped design parts of that test, along with Director Lazard and First Class Schmidt. It's very difficult; good luck with that, guys."

"Any hints from our handsome SOLDIER man?" Genesis purred.

"Genesis, please," Angeal sighed deeply as their guy blushed a little.

"Well, not hints, but there's a study guide available in the Shinra public library, and on the company intranet. You'll have to register like any other army cadet with Intake and Human Resources, so go to Floor 14 and 7, respectively. I'm sure someone will tell you that you need to go to other places, but you really don't. Just tell Intake that you plan to take the combined test and they'll give you a special form, just follow all those instructions that I would explain but then I would just be repeating myself. Yeah."

The SOLDIER nodded as the train arrived. People flooded off onto the platform on the other side as the three of them waited.

Angeal thanked the man. "You've been a great help, ah, sir."

Asher shrugged. "I'm off duty now. Plus, you're not under my command."

Genesis grinned at him. "Yet."

"Yet," Asher agreed. "Here's our stop," Asher moved to go through the door before it had opened. Just as he would have crashed into the side of the train, the door opened and Asher made it onto the train. As the train filled up, Angeal and Genesis took seats next to Asher as he stood holding a pole. No one else sat near them, Angeal noticed. Were SOLDIERs feared? Respected this much? Maybe it was just because of the monster smell, which Angeal suspected he was much more used to than the average Midgardian citizen. Actually it was probably a combination of the three, but mostly the smell. He actually did smell. Taking a shower was a good idea.

And so the train moved onward toward the center of the city.

* * *

Sephiroth was reading a report about a prospective merger between two different departments within Shinra. It was his own lieutenant's report, simplified for his convenience. His head hurt reading legalese. So much so that he went down to the Training Center to clear his head every time he felt like he was about to go under reading it. Read a page, practice katas, page, katas, until he was done. Even Asher's "simplified" report was still seven pages. He felt eternally grateful he didn't have to read an unabridged version. Sephiroth mused that he may have gone insane having to read such drivel. It wasn't that he didn't understand it, it was just so boring. Like grey grey featureless goo that tastes like stale bread and smells of burnt plastic. Something horrific like that.

As he sat there reading page five, Sephiroth sensed two approach him. He glanced up to see two Third Classes, a seemingly self-assured redhead and calmer black-haired one. He didn't recognize either of them; they must be relatively new to the program.

"Can I help you?"

"We were told to come find you," said the black-haired one.

"By our sword instructor, he said you were the best." Were they thick? Of course Sephiroth was the best. Everyone in Shinra knew that. Why would a SOLDIER sword instructor send two new Thirds to him of all people?

"I am the best there is. Although I don't fancy myself a teacher right now."

Red-Hair smirked. "Just spar with us. That's got to be better than practicing by yourself, isn't it." Sephiroth had to admit he hadn't seriously sparred with anyone besides Asher in a while, and since they were both busy and since for Asher swordwork wasn't a serious priority for him, much to Sephiroth's disappointment, they only practiced against each other once every two weeks. Fighting two Thirds seemed vastly unfair, however.

"I would warn you that you sword instructor most likely sent you two to me as some form of punishment." The looks on their faces told Sephiroth that his assumption was probably false.

"Not as punishment, no." said the black-hair.

"We kicked all their asses, so the instructor kicked us out. We're too good." said the red-hair.

Hmm. What the hell, why not? Sephiroth got up and drew Masamune. The two Thirds each only had the standard issue broadsword, but Sephiroth remembered not to attack so brutally that he literally shatter their swords twenty seconds into the fight. The two thirds took a ready stance as Sephiroth circled around so that the fight would actually take place roughly in the center of the fighting area rather than on top of a bench.

"My name is Angeal, and this is Genesis," the black-haired one said.

"Which of us is sparring with you first?" the red-hair, Genesis, asked.

"Both. I have no issue fighting both of you at once." Sephiroth watched them glance at each other before readying their stances. After three seconds of silence, the fight began.

They were both much better than Sephiroth initially gave them credit for, and while they together still didn't really pose a threat, their skill rose dramatically in his eyes. They were already better than most of his Second Classes.

Angeal was careful, and thought about his attacks when given the time to do so. Angeal would often react to possible opening in Sephiroth's defense, or to follow up a strike from Genesis. His fighting style was very balanced; Angeal himself rarely seemed to leave holes in his own defense. His form was very good, if not very inventive or dynamic. But it certainly got the job done, it shored up the defense of their tag team attack very well.

Genesis, on the other hand, was a hellstorm. Attack, attack, attack. But not recklessly so. He sought to push every kind of combat pressure onto Sephiroth that he could. Maybe he was safe in the knowledge that Angeal was with him, but when Sephiroth tried to get at what should have been a wide opening, Angeal was there to block it. In this sense, them fighting together was almost like fighting a single individual, with skill and form greater than the sum of its parts.

Which isn't to say Sephiroth struggled, still. The two definitely had a long way to go as individuals, but as a pair, Sephiroth couldn't get a single hit in edgewise. Sephiroth knew he could if he pushed harder, but was worried he might inadvertently hurt one of them if he did. He wanted to beat them with pure skill, not just his raw SOLDIER power. The two fought well enough that the fight went on for five, ten minutes. They seemed to learn each other's swordwork at the same rate, so it continued as a stalemate for some time. Genesis was the one who developed most notably over the course of the fight.

His attacks grew more powerful and deliberate; he kept hitting harder and harder. He stopped seeming to plan his attacks and instead attack viciously on instinct. It was a quality Sephiroth liked, a quality that rarely showed up so easily in his SOLDIERs. Sephiroth rose to the occasion, keeping pace with Genesis' furious assault.

Genesis drove a powerful overhead slash into Sephiroth's block, when the strained blade finally shattered against the far higher quality Masamune. The fight suddenly ended as shrapnel embedded itself in the three of them and the floor, but mostly Sephiroth and Genesis. Genesis was knocked flat on his butt and dropped the hilt of his broken sword as Angeal and Sephiroth stood above him. Sephiroth noticed that Masamune was glowing slightly as he and Angeal sheathed their swords. The three of them didn't really say anything or move as they came down off of the high of fighting. Eventually Genesis spoke up.

"Shiva, Angeal, what just happened?" Sephiroth knew.

"You swung too hard with your sword, Genesis. The standard issue sword isn't designed to handle that kind of force."

"Yeah, I can see that." Genesis pointed to a piece of sword which had embedded itself just above his right eye.

Angeal sat down next to Genesis, breathing in and out regularly, trying to calm down.

"Genesis here really wanted to impress you." Genesis gingerly touched the area around his wound.

"You know, I expected this to hurt more. Shouldn't this be a serious injury?" Sephiroth pulled out his PHS from his pocket and made a call."

* * *

"I still don't understand how you shattered a sword. Swords don't break like that. How hard were you guys fighting?" Asher was removing Genesis' shrapnel first with tweezers and alcohol. Genesis hissed as the alcohol made contact with his exposed wounds, and he glanced at the man working on him. He wasn't expecting that Sephiroth would call Asher, that first SOLDIER they met upon arriving in Midgar, to help treat their wounds. Of course Sephiroth and Asher knew each other, they were both firsts, but they seemed familiar with each other. It showed in how Sephiroth didn't talk to Asher as if he were completely beneath him, just another interchangeable face.

"Is this really necessary? Aren't SOLDIERs' immune systems and healing extremely good? Like even for something like this?"

"Well, yes, but I'd rather do half the work now rather than let you get skin infections in the coming days." Asher pulled out a piece and covered the wound with alcohol-wet wipes. Sephiroth followed up on Asher's response, again interestingly to Genesis and Angeal.

"We would survive, of course, but I've learned that keeping shrapnel in is ill-advised. Genesis noticed Asher snuck a glance at Sephiroth.

"From your time in Wutai?" Angeal sat observing, mostly, having suffered the least impalement by sword fragment.

"From Asher while we were in Wutai, but yes. Asher often healed the regular infantry during the Wutai campaign, and is important to remember that are gifts are not inherent to ordinary people."

Genesis shrugged. "It doesn't feel as life-changing as I thought it would, but I understand. We do have those healing abilities, though. We are blessed to not have to fear for our lives from something as trivial as shrapnel and infections."

Angeal nodded at Sephiroth. "I think I know what you're talking about. We should be no less careful in our actions. The gifts we are given should not be abused."

Asher pulled another fragment and Genesis flinched as Asher cleaned the wound. "I wouldn't take you for the philosophical type, Angeal."

Genesis continued, "You obviously haven't heard talk about ideals and honor enough yet."

Angeal chuckled, "Yes, I suppose they haven't."

* * *

 **[a/n] tbh i have no experience writing angeal and genesis hope I didn't crush your dreams or whatever**


	17. instinct

**[a/n]: I'm trying really hard not to go full horny on main but it just happened I'm sorry, enjoy anyway though.**

* * *

Sephiroth's rather pleasant experience of cuddling with Asher as he slept was interrupted by Asher's PHS alarm. It was Asher's because Sephiroth shut his completely off at night, technically against company policy but what were Shinra going to do about it? While Asher stirred against him Sephiroth reached over and shut off the phone. The digital clock on the nightstand read 3:41 AM.

"Mmmh. It's a call." Asher mumbled into his shoulder.

"Go back to sleep. I won't have them wake us up at this hour." Sephiroth said softly as he stroked Asher's hair.

"Could be important." Asher tensed and shifted to get up, but Sephiroth wouldn't let him get up, wrapping an arm around his waist and keeping Asher on the bad with him.

"I don't care, frankly. They can wait until six to remove you from this room." The PHS rang again and Sephiroth quickly reached over and shut it off. Asher's body protested a bit longer before resuming its normal sleepy and pliant state against him.

"Last time you shut off my phone like that, Seph, we had Tseng show up here, in the room."

"And it was an assassination attempt that the Turks were fully capable of handling and investigating on their own. Go to sleep."

Later, when Tseng did silently show up like only a Turk could, Sephiroth simply gave him a silent evil eye from the bed and Tseng disappeared just as expertly as he arrived.

* * *

Asher wasn't the biggest fan of coffee, but respected its ability to wake him up like nothing else could. At just before six, Asher woke up and stumbled over to the toilet to pee, then out to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Bare-ass naked. It was only his SOLDIER instincts that told him there were two people sitting on his couch.

"Nice ass ya got," Asher immediately zeroed in on a young red-haired Turk lounging on his couch. Tseng sat beside him in Asher's reading chair. Neither of them sat in Sephiroth's chair. Tseng he had seen so much he might as well have seen Asher naked, but this new Turk was, well, new. The way he held himself seemed the opposite of a traditional Turk, so at a glance Asher failed to understand why Tseng had brought him, the ass comment included.

Tseng seemed quick to excuse him. "Reno, I can't be held liable if you get impaled by a SOLDIER in their own apartment. Tread a bit more carefully."

Asher sleepily looked back and forth between them. "If it was Sephiroth naked out here, then Reno would probably be dead." Tseng shrugged.

"It is a good thing I know you always get out of bed first. I am here on urgent business." Asher nodded at Tseng. "I would have answered what I assume was your calls earlier, but Sephiroth shut off my PHS." Asher walked over around a table and sat down in Sephiroth's chair, next to Tseng and across from Reno, who looked halfway between uncomfortable and interested. Fucking hell. Tseng pulled out a file folder from his suit and set it on the table.

"Not to worry. Veld is leading this one. The Turks have set up a perimeter to contain the assassin."

Asher yawned. "Another assassination attempt? Why do you need Sephiroth's help for this?"

Tseng glanced at Reno, who shifted uncomfortably. Asher looked back and forth between them again, trying to figure out why Tseng would bring him along.

"Tseng, no offense to Reno, but why bring him along? Here?"

"Reno is serving as my shadow for now. He shows a lot of promise as a Turk, and he will be useful in this case. Just as you, specifically, not Sephiroth." Tseng looked at Reno again, who seemed to be avoiding looking at Asher.

"You're a street rat, apparently. Ya know, like me."

Tseng opened the file and produced a marked map of Midgar. "The suspect is hiding out below plate. We're fairly certain he won't slip through, but we can't know where he is, exactly. That's where you, and Reno, come in. You will find the suspect."

"Alright," Although urgent, this was fundamentally no different than many other searches he had participated in. "Will we be in civvies or not?"

"Ya," Reno butted in, "We got most of the Turks out of suits right now. Pretty funny, if you ask me," he responded with a dry grin. Asher chuckled, provoking a more genuine smile out of Reno. "Yeah, seems pretty interesting. We leave immediately? Who's picking out the clothing?" Tseng nodded again.

"Yes, immediately. I am leaving it up to you both what to wear," Tseng gathered the materials back into the folder and handed it to Reno. "This is Reno's first field assignment. I'd like a report from you on his performance, Asher."

Reno squinted, "He gets to evaluate me?"

Tseng gave Reno a look. "Yes, Reno, he does." Tseng got up and left through the door, leaving Asher alone with Reno, who still looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Yo, so, where did you live? Below plate?"

"Sector 2 mostly. What about you?"

"Ah, well. All over the place. Wherever I could get by, ya know?"

In the short time Asher had known Reno, he had figured out a few things. Reno seemed at ease with himself, as uncomfortable as he seemed right now. He had the air of a Turk, despite the casual tone and posture, Reno held that elevated awareness that SOLDIERs and Turks had, that indescribable quality that couldn't be faked. At the same time, Reno didn't seem to care, a little too casual, in Asher's taste. But too casual was a bit refreshing in contrast to the seriousness of SOLDIER, Shinra executives, and Sephiroth himself. Even Genesis, who Reno vaguely reminded him of, was for more dramatic where Reno definitely wouldn't be. Asher could have a bit of fun with Reno.

"Got an idea for civilian disguises, Reno?"

Reno blinked. "Was just gonna go down to Turk floor and grab some clothes out of that closet." Asher remembered the 'disguise closet'.

"Let me get some pants," Asher got up and began walking back to the bedroom. He swung his ass a little when he felt Reno's eyes on his back.

Sephiroth was awake, laying on his back in the bed. Asher crossed over to the dresser and pulled out sweatpants, boxers, and loose shirt.

"I have an assignment. Just me."

"Tseng has a new Turk." It wasn't a question.

"I guess. I'm to make sure he's not a piece of shit, I guess."

"He's seen you naked." Sephiroth turned on his side in the bed to face Asher.

"Turks have seen much worse, Seph. Don't worry about it. I couldn't care less."

Sephiroth didn't respond to that. When Asher finished dressing and turned to look at Sephiroth again, he froze.

Sephiroth was still laying on his side. The covers were thrown away to reveal his full body, posing in a nearly pornographic way directly at Asher. The back of one hand rested against his mouth as he gazed over it hungrily, eyes glowing, at Asher. It was a bit of a shock because Sephiroth had never looked at him quite like that before.

"You couldn't care less, hm?" Holy Shiva, the whole tone of Sephiroth's voice had changed. The growl sounded possessive, and almost animalistic. The part of Asher's brain trained not to be affected by paralyzing things like fear or lust found the rational way out.

"I have a… a mission. You know, the job. The Turk is waiting for me, you know."

Sephiroth beckoned Asher forward with one finger.

* * *

It was at this point Sephiroth reached an impasse. Jealousy was what he felt, jealousy that someone else had seen his lieutenant in the nude. He had Asher exactly where he wanted as Asher, shaking, kneeled in front of Sephiroth next to the bed. Sephiroth could feel the hormones cascading off of Asher.

But underneath that was fear, likely fear of the unknown. Asher didn't know what he was intending to do, and neither did he himself. He had no instinct whatsoever for this kind of thing. But whatever he did, he knew Asher would comply. Their implicit trust carried even here, even if Sephiroth violated him in the worst way.

Sephiroth's mind traveled the other similar time, the only time Sephiroth had ever thought he felt what might crudely be called 'horny', immediately after mako treatments several years ago. Another bedroom, the roles reversed. Something in the treatment had activated a long-dormant something within Sephiroth. Something suppressed. His sex drive was suppressed.

The realization hit Sephiroth like a bag of chocobo shit. He had tried to be intimate before, and Asher had tried to help, sometimes. But there was something missing. Some misunderstanding between them that now was painfully obvious. Sephiroth remembered again the one time he had come onto Asher. He had done it without thinking, Asher was looking at him like Sephiroth had made him now, arousal obvious in expression, and, well, erection. Sephiroth had read a lot about human seuxality since then, but was still unsure of how to proceed.

"Sephiroth, you fuck." Asher whispered huskily. "Do you want this or not? Stop thinking so much."

"I will admit, I have read a great deal about sex, but don't feel the need for it. I am sorry that I didn't tell you."

Asher closed his eyes. "Why come on to me like this, then?"

Sephiroth stared right at Asher's closed eyes. "Because I want you here, now, like this in front of me. But isn't that wrong. The control-"

"I think you've learned the wrong lesson from me. I do love how considerate you're being, but we trust each other. We can tell each other to stop. Do you want to stop?"

Sephiroth thought No, but didn't say anything, scared to initiate, to fuck this up. How unlike himself. Sephiroth thought he was truly vulnerable here in a way he had never been before. Concern weaved its way into Asher's expression.

"You sure you want Reno in the other room, listening to this?" An out for Sephiroth; Asher looking to defuse the situation without it being awkward.

"We will discuss this later." Asher nodded and got up, smiling weakly.

"Yes, sir. Be strong at work today, Seph." Asher walked out the room, closing the door behind.

Fuck. Work was the furthest thing from Sephiroth's mind. He had caused the both of them to almost fall completely apart. He really needed to think through what he had just done.

* * *

Reno didn't know what to think of SOLDIER Asher. When Tseng told him this was his chance to prove himself to the Turks, of course he jumped on it. He was dying to really earn his place, to show how good he could be at this job.

With a SOLDIER? Sure, they're much better to work with than infantry men. Better personalities, too, by Reno's experience. SOLDIER were confident enough and competent enough to not be a drag on any high-stakes mission. With a First Class SOLDIER, the General's Lieutenant? Of course, a complete breeze! The other Turks often described Asher as 'a worthwhile coworker in many situations, taking no shit', which in Turk-speak carried a lot of weight.

So Reno was a bit shocked when Tseng sat them down in that living room, and seeing the lieutenant just walk out with his cock out, and then sit down like nothing was strange at all. Reno almost thought this was intentional on the part of Tseng; one of the things Tseng recommendation him to tone down was his lecherous attitude; he often flirted with coworkers. And civilians. Okay, a lot of people, but Reno never felt it got in the way of work. In fact, their reaction to his provocation often helped him figure out important personal details to aid him. Something Tseng never seemed to have considered.

But that interaction in the living room completely flipped Reno's expectations on their head. One of Reno's greatest strengths had been completely fucking blown out by the sheer audacity of this guy. Like he had meetings in the nude all the time? Did he? Who fucking knew? Reno couldn't do much but listen for most of the meeting, until Asher walked away and Reno swore he was shaking that ass on purpose.

Reno tried not to listen to the conversation the lieutenant and the general were having as he probably wasn't so daring yet to listen in on Sephiroth having sex, as amazing a report that would make. It was all a bit too much for one early morning. Luckily things seemed to have aborted when Asher walked back out in basic clothes and walked straight to the door, gesturing for Reno to follow him out of the apartment.

"So, ah-" Reno muttered as they walked down the hall. Asher didn't even have socks or shoes on.

"Reno, there's nothing you can say that will make this more awkward. I really can't be offended, seriously, just ask." Asher cracked his knuckles as they walked to the elevator. Reno considered his options? Was this another test? The Turk analysis of Asher put his mental flexibility quite high, so maybe? But then, maybe Asher just wanted to know what Reno was thinking about so hard. The analysis also pointed out the value of straightforwardness that Asher often displayed. So maybe Reno should answer honestly. Maybe just stop worrying, and don't overthink it, man.

"Was that, normal? That meeting?"

"No, not really. But then again nothing in this line of work is normal after a while. How long you been a Turk?"

"Six months." Reno admitted.

"I've been with Shinra almost five years now. Doesn't feel like it." They made it to the elevator and Asher punched the down button with his fist.

"Ever dated anyone?"

Asher glared at Reno. "Don't push it, Reno. You're not that desperate to get laid, are you?"

"No! I mean, dammit!" Reno turned away as Asher laughed.

* * *

He couldn't just ask his father about it. He had to bring it up in a way that wouldn't feel suspicious. So he said something was bothering him.

"Hmmm." Hojo was examining the readout of a machine Sephiroth was hooked up to. Half a dozen wires and tubes ran into and out of him as Hojo analyzed the finer details of his body, as Sephiroth lay flat on a table, naked.

"So, boy, you say you have been feeling unexplainable sensations? Describe."

"I believe I have been developing physical attraction to others. It is almost like some part of me is suppressing another. It feels uncomfortable."

"You cannot tolerate 'uncomfortable', boy?"

"No, I mean that this is a unique situation I find myself in. I thought it may be indicative of some wider issue that you might identify."

Hojo seemed to consider this as he studied his readouts, talking to himself as he worked.

"You are correct, boy. In that I did influence your development more directly than any normal human ever could. Much of your neurohormonal response loop I completely gutted and redesigned from scratch. Your adolescence was unique, also entirely my design

Most of your steroid complex was enhanced across the board to give you extremely good musculoskeletal development, your bones are twice and dense as normal and your muscle ligaments have fives times the tensile strength, even before mako treatment. Your subordinate, I was able to test many of those more extreme modifications onto him first before you. Your body is more receptive to mako because I introduced natural receptors that work with the mako chemically rather than as a crude substitute energy production, as in most SOLDIERs.

Some superficial things I did away with for you: body and facial hair. Pheromones. Many unnecessary interdependencies between hormones and brain chemistry. Making neuroelectrical response faster."

"What about sexual reproduction?"

"Oh, yes, definitely all there. I made sure to keep that around."

"If it's all functional, then why don't I feel those things?"

Hojo sighed. "Sexuality is an unnecessary distraction, but I kept your reproductive organs virile and ready in case I ever required you to father a child. Just in case.

"Father a child?"

"Of course, my boy, you are genetically unique. Oh the possibilities a child could hold! In any case, I had inhibited your sexual responses, or at least attempted to."

Sephiroth turned his head on the white paper covering the table to look at his father.

"Attempted?" Hojo pushed his glasses up against his head and sighed.

"It seems that your symptoms are founded in something. The inhibition system I designed appears to be breaking down. If you hadn't come to me, you would have begun to show signs of chronic fatigue and nervous failure. It seems I will need to redesign that."

Sephiroth hoped he would fail.

"In the meantime, my boy, I will stop this inhibition process and have you switch over the a chemical prescription. By tomorrow I will have come up with a substitute you must take orally, in a pill. At least until I can repair that part of your design. Do you understand, my boy?"

"Of course, father," Sephiroth said calmly, fully intending not to take any such pills.

* * *

 **[a/n]: hopefully next time i do a real action chapter for the first time in a long time. thanks for reading.**


	18. overload

**[a/n]: several things: one, it's been like two and a half months. two, i had finals, and then really bad writer's block; I didn't know where I wanted to go with the story. three, this is the third iteration of this chapter that I wrote. hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

 **# [ μ ] – εуλ 1997 #**

Genesis glanced up from LOVELESS as Sephiroth continued to pace back and forth in the waiting room. It was a little annoying, the sound of Sephiroth's boots on the floor as he paced, but he couldn't bring himself to tell him to stop. He had a right to be worried. Asher had gone into the high security lab for mako treatment four days ago and didn't come out at the scheduled time. It had become a tradition for them both, and after Genesis and Angeal made friends with them and were promoted, to wait for each other, to have at least one available to help the other out of mako treatments.

The treatments had seemed to get worse, at least for the four of them. Ever since Dr. Hollander had died several months ago, Genesis and Angeal had been reassigned to Hojo's care. Genesis personally found Hojo to be a despicable man, initially refusing to let Hojo test on him. But it eventually became clear that they needed regular mako infusion lest they suffer from fatigue-related symptoms. Genesis could vaguely remember being escorted into the lab on a stretcher at the end of his two-month protest. The treatments began to make each of them sick for over a day afterwards, as their bodies adjusted. Similar treatments were being rolled out for all SOLDIERs in the program, giving them even more obscene strength, speed, and stamina.

The four of them were Hojo's most prized experiments. It was horrible, but they had each begun to resign themselves to it and concentrate more on their work at SOLDIER. It was only a few days out of every month, after all. It wasn't really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. The upsides seemed to far outweigh the downsides. Genesis was becoming more and more precise in battle and out. He couldn't remember the last time he had failed to dunk trash into the can at long range.

In battle, Genesis saw himself as a user of purposeful style, flair where appropriate, but always strike correctly. It boggled the mind of Genesis that each of their mistakes in combat, especially Genesis, had dropped to nothing. Even small imperfections were rarely noticeable. And noticing. Their brains had gotten used to the sensory deluge being fed to them by their 20/2 vision and top percentile hearing so much that their daily experiences were almost normal again. They all struggled with overload from time to time, taking it as it came with help from each other.

Their strength was becoming ridiculous, not that it wasn't before, but even Asher, the weakest physically of the four of them, could bench 600 pounds last week at the training center. Angeal and Sephiroth took turns breaking the record, pushing past 2000 pounds recently. Angeal swung his Buster Sword around in one hand like a butter knife. Sephiroth and Genesis challenged each other to jumping vertically; this week Genesis was ahead of Sephiroth by a foot at 37 feet. They healed quickly, too. Asher hardly ever needed to pull out a Cure when they could each see the flesh knit itself back together in real time. Sephiroth had made progressively deeper cuts into himself out of some horrifying sense of morbid curiosity, and Asher and Angeal had to stop him before he cut a large hole into his stomach. No scars were left behind, leaving the rest of them to wonder what really could kill them at that point.

This experiment was different, however. Usually, their treatments were started in finished in the same day, maybe a _long_ day, maybe an overnight for observation, but never for four days. Angeal was on pickup duty three days ago, and when they told him the experiments would not be done for 'some time', Sephiroth had damn near stormed in there an yanked him out himself. The only thing that stopped him was a bone-chilling scream that Asher released when Sephiroth tried to tear him from the machines he was hooked up to. Sephiroth hadn't gotten any work done in the days since. Angeal and Genesis had to force him out of the Shinra building just to eat something.

The door finally opened to reveal a dazed, gaunt version of the Asher they knew. Barefoot, in sweatpants and a white gown, he walked slowly into the lobby flanked by two doctors. Angeal immediately stood and moved to stop Sephiroth from just assaulting the doctors, but instead he just stood there, perfectly still. Angeal stepped in front of Seph, nodded at the doctors. The one on his left spoke up.

"He's done. He's had his capstone changes."

"Capstone?" Angeal tilted his head and Genesis put his book down, also turning his attention to the doctors. Sephiroth continued not to speak or move.

"They were quite extensive, unfortunately, and took quite a lot longer than we were expecting, but Doctor Hojo feels that this was a great success."

"He looks like shit," Genesis drawled, snapping his book shut and standing with Angeal and the General.

"Apologies, but we wanted to release him into your care as soon as possible."

"Against Hojo's wishes," the other doctor added. "He doesn't even know we're doing this now. We know how many of SOLDIER's highers up feel about extended lab time, and we know he's your friend, and that you'll be able to take care of him."

Asher quietly walked toward Sephiroth and climbed into his arms, closing his eyes and resting against his shoulder. No one said anything until Genesis spoke up.

"Anything we need to know?" The first doctor shook her head.

"The usual. Plenty of fluids, rest, attention. If he isn't back to normal in 72 hours, please bring him back."

Angeal nodded to the doctors. The three of them left with Asher in tow.

* * *

Angeal and Genesis had long since fallen asleep on the other couch together, the television almost mute, playing infomercials in the late night.

Sephiroth sat on the second couch, stroking Asher's cheek in concentration. Asher had only awoken a few times since the lab, once to eat a little, and once to relieve himself. But mostly he seemed exhausted and unwilling to discuss what had happened any further. But now, he was asleep in Sephiroth's lap. The General was thinking about his relationship with Asher.

When Asher hadn't been released on the normal schedule, well, he felt very strongly about that. Emotional outbursts like that had been happening more and more as he stopped taking the medicine Hojo had assigned him. Sephiroth still wasn't sure whether allowing himself these experiences was a good thing, but they forced him to confront some very basic truths of his life.

He watched Asher twitch a little under his touch, eyes closed but still moving rapidly. Nightmares. Asher was having nightmares, and Sephiroth didn't know what to do. He strongly wanted to help, but didn't know how, leaving him to stew in his own thoughts.

Usually Asher had a solution whenever he felt trapped by himself, unable to act. But now Asher was himself trapped, and Sephiroth could not do what Asher always did for him. He glanced across at Genesis and Angeal. Angeal lay embracing Genesis, both looking content as they slept together. Sephiroth thought about that aspect of their relationship, and scrutinized it as finely as possible.

Sephiroth had no aversion to nudity, a consequence of growing up in the labs. Likewise he did not associate nudity with sexuality until later in childhood when Asher came along. Looking back in retrospect, it was painfully obvious how naive his approach to intimacy was. His one forward attempt ended in disaster. So he let Asher lead. But Asher seemed hesitant. The reason why was not clear to Sephiroth until this very moment.

Fear. He could feel it in Asher's nightmares clearly. He was afraid of damaging his relationship with Sephiroth, which might be a fair attitude to hold with anyone else, but Sephiroth couldn't understand why. A previous conversation he had with Genesis resurfaced.

Genesis had warned Sephiroth to not abuse his relationship with Asher, that, however close he and Asher might be, he was still the superior officer. Even know, when that superiority was a little moot, Asher still saw it that way, according to Genesis.

Asher must fear breaking the status quo, fear losing what good he had with Sephiroth. Which was silly, but Asher couldn't possibly have realized that. They both cared a lot about each other. Shouldn't that be enough? Sephiroth had been thinking so hard that he didn't notice Asher's SOLDIER eyes staring up at him. Green met gold. He could feel Asher shaking a little, and the sharp gaze normally seen was replaced with some kind of absence and fear. The same fear Sephiroth felt.

"What's wrong?" was whispered softly.

Asher's mouth moved a little, seemingly unable to find the words.

"The constant, the focus." Asher whispering, his eyes far away.

"What?"

"The constant, the focus. The passage for her."

Sephiroth felt Asher's forehead, which had erupted into a fever. Asher himself began squirming in his grip, but Sephiroth held him steady, which only agitated him more.

"One wing! She's always there. I hear the song."

Sephiroth sat him up and looked him in the eyes.

"Who? Asher, do you hear me? What's wrong?" Asher's panic seemed to peak as his muttering grew louder and louder, he forced himself away from Sephiroth, falling onto a table and breaking it soundly. Angeal and Genesis jolted awake and watched as Asher scrambled away across the floor from a general trying to keep his voice soothing. Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal had a brief conversation before turning back to Asher, pressed up against the wall. His eyes glowed brightly. Angeal spoke first, kneeling down a fair distance from Asher.

"Do you see me?" Asher shivered violently, but eventually nodded.

"May I approach?" Asher shook his head.

"May I ask why?"

"It's not… safe. Your cells will degrade." Asher began to rub his forearms up and down.

"You do recognize me?" Asher's look was wild, but again nodded.

"You're one of the two indirects. The one who inherited her." Angeal glanced back. Genesis shrugged.

"I say he's hallucinating. He was hit pretty hard in the labs." Asher pointed to Genesis.

"You're the other. The other."

Sephiroth shook his head. "It's rarely been this bad. He's never at the same time been this coherent and this delusional. Asher, do you know where you are? Genesis, turn on the lights." Asher slowly looked around the living room as the lights came on. His lack of a response did not comfort the SOLDIERs.

"Differentiability of the system. Bifurcations are discrete, not continuous, and yet they approximate that normal evolution of the system."

Genesis made a face. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Sephiroth turned to face him. "I suppose it makes sense, if only to him."

Genesis rubbed his temples. "A lot of things make sense only to him."

Angeal raised a finger to Asher. "Go on, keep going."

"Deterministic nonlinear phenomena. Tiny changes in the input space can result in massive changes in the output space."

Asher began to scratch something into the floor. Angeal moved to try and stop him, since Asher's fingers had already begun to bleed, but Sephiroth stopped him. In scratches and blood, two wing-like loops began to appear, connected at about a 45 degree angle to each other on one end of each.

"Something changes, and so something else must change. But she wants to change it back. So change must continue. Change."

Sephiroth crouched down slowly and took Asher's hands in his own. He looked up from his drawing with tears in his eyes, shaking horribly.

"Asher, I am here for you. You are safe. Nothing need change. Do you understand me?"

Asher's eyes continued to glow brighter.

"I'm not here. I shouldn't be here. I'm wrong." Sephiroth pulled Asher into a hug, and instantly Genesis and Angeal were there, too.

"You aren't wrong," Sephiroth muttered. "You deserve your place as much as any of us. More even. You're the best comrade I have ever had."

"You're always ready to help," Angeal offered. "I've never known you to turn away from a person in need."

"I always appreciate talking to you," Genesis admitted. "You let me see things in a way I hadn't considered."

Sephiroth sighed into Asher's hair. "The point is, you are here and you are loved. I could never say those words without you, and I'll never let you forget that. Is that clear?"

Asher seemed to manage a nod, and the four kept sitting there until everything calmed down.


	19. waking up

**[a/n]: talking chapter, not much happens but enjoy anyway**

* * *

Asher felt very disoriented when he woke up. For one thing, he wasn't in the labs. For another, he was back in bed. He felt very odd, waking up here after being put under looking at Hojo's devilish grin. All his joints ached like hell, and his body felt numb. Nonetheless his mind had already sharpened in focus, and he wanted to get up. Only to realize he couldn't, there was an arm thrown around his waist. There was light breathing at the back of his neck. Sephiroth was holding him.

It wasn't the worst thing to wake up to, hell, Asher would be lying to himself if he didn't want Sephiroth to do this more often, but the fact that he couldn't remember how he got in this position unnerved him more than anything else. Actually, there was something even more unnerving, Asher slowly realized. Asher closed his eyes and focused. There was a low buzz, not hearing, not feeling, but something resonating on a deeper level. Like what happened when one cast magic from a materia, or feeling flustered after seeing Sephiroth smile for you.

He could _feel_ Sephiroth, not just his body pressed against his back or his breath or his heartbeat oh gods, or even the presence of him, but something not any of those things. Like he knew, on a truer level, that it could only be Sephiroth here in the room. It was difficult to parse until he reached out with the feeling to the rest of the apartment and his heart skipped a beat. He could sense two sleeping out there too. Inexplicably, he couldn't hear, see, or feel them, but nonetheless knew they were there. Angeal and Genesis. Reaching out even further, he realized he could sense other people in the Shinra building, going about their day.

He couldn't stop himself opening his inner eye as far as it could go, until he couldn't feel anything, couldn't see anything, only knowing. It scared him as he could begin to feel his mind lose coherency and fade into metaphysical static. Clawing at the walls of his mind did nothing; there were no walls, no meaning. He snapped back into reality when a hand tightened around him. Asher was back in the bed, shaking and sweating. He felt clammy, cold, and thoroughly disoriented once again. He was shaking violently and felt tears down his face that he couldn't control.

"Asher. Can you hear me?" Sephiroth of course. Unbeknownst to Asher, Sephiroth had been deeply worried, both before and after Asher was released from the labs. Sephiroth felt that whatever had happened to Asher could only be another plot from Hojo to get at either of them, further his own goals, or both. But what Asher said next relieved him. He hadn't heard Asher speak directly _to_ him in nearly a week.

"Yes. I can hear you. Do you know what's happened to me?" Sephiroth did not tense up, even involuntarily, knowing how he answered this question was more important than it first seemed. To anyone else, of course how one handled a victim of disorientation and experimentation was paramount, but Asher especially so. Sephiroth knew Asher valued his own sense of self very highly. Asher really appreciated a sense of continuity in his life, structure, knowing how everything flows into the next thing. During the early Wutai conflict, Asher often looked to Sephiroth for that continuity. Where other infantrymen died, plans and tactics changed at a moment's notice, and various mercurial political motivations were present, none of which did neither Asher nor Sephiroth have a semblance of the full picture, Sephiroth stayed constant. Never changing, never deviating. In return, Asher held Sephiroth's sense of purpose and morality intact. Strictly speaking, Sephiroth was more intelligent than anyone, including Asher, but Asher was better at seeing the big picture, how everything fit together. Including the two of them. Sephiroth could comprehend, but Asher could explain, and then enumerate, discover implications, point things out that Sephiroth could never have considered. Sephiroth found it difficult to imagine what might have become of Asher had he not encountered him during that one extermination mission so very long ago, but Sephiroth could imagine losing himself without friends who knew him to ground him. Like Genesis, Angeal, and most of all Asher. But now Sephiroth had to be here for Asher in his moment of weakness, deciding to be honest and straight-to-the-point.

"You were in the labs for an extended time. You were not fully cognizant when you were released, so you were returned to the apartment to supervise. You've only regained truly regained consciousness now." Sephiroth couldn't see Asher's face, but knew he must be slowly processing this.

"'Truly' regained consciousness? Did anything else happen?"

"You seemed to hallucinate last night. You did not respond or recognize our presence. Genesis, Angeal, and myself made sure you were alright during and afterwards."

Asher thought slowly, body tensing and relaxing. Sephiroth didn't always like this part, when Asher got stuck in his own head. But this time, with unknown Hojo effects at play, perhaps it might be better to let him work out alone. At first, at least.

"Thank you,"

"Of course, Asher." Sephiroth sat up and placed a hand on Asher's shoulder. "I imagine you'll want breakfast now." Asher jerked up, pressing his hands to his temples.

"Yes. I honestly don't think I've eaten in days." Sephiroth met eyes with Asher. Asher raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Sephiroth placed his hands on Asher's cheekbones.

"I just realized your facial hair is gone. I would have expected a shadow or small hairs, but there's nothing. Anywhere. Your facial structure is ever so slightly different now that I consider it." Asher nearly pulled the covers off the bed while getting up, crashing onto the floor as he ran to the bathroom mirror, naked. Sephiroth chuckled to himself.

"Holy FUCK! They total converted me, the FUCKS!" From the bed, Sephiroth got a good look of it himself. Everything, freckles, moles, small scars, body hair of any kind, all gone, like his skin had entirely been replaced. There were other things that Sephiroth noticed had changed. Small imperfections in the musculoskeleture that had never been real problems had all been changed. _Corrected_ , Sephiroth's mind tried to supply, but he suppressed the thought that Hojo had been the one to do this. More than likely, he had been vivisected and had literally everything checked over, the true Hojo five-course special. Something that Sephiroth himself remembered being done to himself just before the onset of puberty, just before he met Asher, interestingly enough. There was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Everything alright in there?" Angeal.

"I don't know, is it?" Sephiroth glanced between the door and the bathroom. Asher walked across the bedroom to the door and opened it, still buck naked. Angeal quickly covered his eyes once he realized.

"Asher, you're indecent."

"I don't care. It's Sephiroth's apartment, it's his decision. Besides, Hojo gave me a fucking total body conversion, we can't _not_ talk about that. Sephiroth, want to take this into the living room?"

"I don't see why not." Sephiroth got up from the bed, wearing only sweatpants and both of them made their way into the living room. Genesis was still asleep on the couch, in front of the broken table.

Angeal, avoiding his gaze, ran to Genesis' side. "You can't just do that! Sephiroth, you shouldn't be encouraging this!"

Asher grabbed Genesis by the shoulder and lightly shook him. "Angeal, everything's fine. No one's going to get hurt just because I'm naked in my own apartment."

Angeal crossed his arms. "Well, I'm uncomfortable. Mainly with how causally you're treating being naked around others."

Sephiroth placed his hand on Angeal's shoulder. "In any case, I feel that it is a topic worth discussing." Angeal eyes narrowed.

"Of course you say so." Genesis yawned and blinked up at the three of them.

"Angeal?"

"Yes?" Angeal couldn't even meet Genesis' gaze, let alone look in that general direction.

"I see a naked lieutenant and half naked general, and a flustered commander. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. They just want to talk to you. All of us are having a talk."

Genesis looked from Angeal to Sephiroth to Asher. "About what? I think I'm pretty good at reading the room, so this isn't about sex, but what else could it about?"

Angeal looked exasperated, "Genesis!", but Asher pulled Genesis into a sitting position and took a few steps back. Angeal and Sephiroth sat down on the opposite couch.

"My entire body's been reworked. In the labs, Hojo probably replaced everything one can replace in a human body.

Genesis blinked. "He can do that?"

Sephiroth nodded. "Evidently, the same procedure I went through long ago has also been applied here."

Angeal nodded. "Now, what could that mean for you? Does Hojo intend to have you fulfill some specific role?"

Asher shrugged. "I don't remember anything between being put under and waking up just now. How did I leave the labs?"

Sephiroth glanced at Asher. "Two of Hojo's subordinates escorted you out into our care last night. They claimed that you needed no further time in the labs. I'm inclined to agree with them."

Genesis' eyebrow shot up. "You believe those bastards in the lab?" and Asher shook his head.

"They have no reason to lie, if I were released incompletely, I would have been abducted back to the labs by now."

Genesis took a deep breath. "Over our dead bodies. Something's definitely off. You were hallucinating last night. Tell him."

Sephiroth took the cue. "You did not seem to recognize any of us, and you referred to Genesis and Angeal as 'indirects'. You also claimed to hear some female entity that you only referred to as 'her'."

Angeal pointed behind Asher. "You scratched that in the floor. You also mentioned something about degrading cells.

Asher turned around and squatted down next to the two connected ovals, examining.

"Hmmm. Sephiroth, could you get a book off the shelf? Dynamical systems theory, red book, blue trim.

Angeal stood up. "Asher, I'm going to get you pants," and walked into the bedroom, emerging with a pair of sweatpants, which Asher put on. Sephiroth brought the book and Asher flipped through until he found an image. Setting it down on the floor next to the scratches let the four of them examine the two side by side.

"They look the same," Genesis observed. "What is it?"

Asher traced the scratches. "An attractor. Specifically, this Lorenz attractor."

Angeal tapped the book. "Asher, you know really only you and sometimes Sephiroth understand this big math. Could you explain?"

Asher gestured with his hands as he spoke. "Well, you can describe a system, a space, like a physical space, with numbers, you know. And then you can describe how that space evolves, changes over time. Sometimes these systems evolve towards certain states or sets of states. This set of states could be a single value, point, or a curve, or something more complicated like this," Asher pointed to each wing-like drawing. "Personally, I have no idea what it could mean."

Genesis glanced between Asher and the drawings. "What does this particular thing represent? What system?"

Asher shrugged. "Wind. Weather. The guy who invented this way of looking at math, he was a meteorologist. I have no idea what it means in this context. Was I saying anything when I was scratching it?"

"We were more worried about you, to be honest," was Angeal's response.

They were quiet for a moment until Sephiroth spoke.

"You talked about change, how everything must change, but the 'she' doesn't want that. The same 'she', I presume you said you heard."

Asher looked up and took a breath. "Okay, so, assuming what I said corresponds to something meaningful, hypothetically, there is some female entity that wants change to stop. Implying that some change is happening." Asher sighed. "No idea."

"You also said you didn't belong. That you shouldn't be here," Genesis added.

"Asher, you do know that you are wanted, right? We like having you here, at Shinra and with us," Angeal said with a serious look.

Asher nodded, confusedly, and blushed. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, you guys. I wonder why I would say that."

Sephiroth grunted, an unusual action for him. Everyone turned to Sephiroth, his face bore a determined expression.

"Although I along with all of us are concerned with Asher's well-being, and the events of the past day are still a mystery, I sense that any further investigation is premature. So, as General and commanding officer of SOLDIER, I hereby order us to breakfast and to return to normal duties as soon as possible. Any objections?"

In silent agreement, the four of them made their way to the breakfast bar to start the day.

* * *

 **[a/n]: thanks for reading**


	20. in theory

**[a/n]: this is a tweaking of a chapter i had posted before and took down. I don't know if I even still like it but I'm reposting it anyway. To be honest I'm trying to find some inspiration for this story because I want to continue writing it. Being overly busy with school probably does not help. This fic isn't cancelled until I say it is and even if it takes two more months, there will be more updates. Appreciate you reading this far, diving deeper and deeper into my fever dream in between computer engineering scenario problems.**

* * *

It was the third day in a row that Genesis came down to Asher's office with an arm full of paperwork in hand. Genesis grinned as he opened the door, excitedly strolling up to the desk and setting it down in front of Asher, who didn't even respond.

Genesis was fully expected Asher to refuse to do it for him, just like yesterday. But this time Genesis had something else up his sleeve. Asher didn't even look up from his computer as he typed away.

"Genesis, I told you, I'm not doing your paperwork for you. I know it's boring, but it's part of the job. You have to take the boring with the exciting."

"I know," Genesis said simply. "I just thought you could help me optimize my workflow. Sephiroth tells me you made him something to get the load off of his chest." Asher stopped typing and bridged his hands together on his desk, looking up and Genesis.

"One, that was a personal favor to Sephiroth. Two, his workload his much higher than yours. What, you've been a First Class for all of three days and this is what breaks you? Paper?"

"Well you're grumpy," Genesis muttered as he glanced at Asher's screen. He was in the middle of writing a statistical report, probably for the Board of Directors. Genesis suddenly understood.

"Ah, I get it. You're going to have to show off in front of President Shinra soon, aren't you?"

Asher nodded. "Mmm hmm. Gonna have to stand in that conference room and espouse the great success of SOLDIER and how big a contribution to the company and its community we make. Real engaging stuff right there." Asher rested his head on a propped up palm after that last statement. Genesis sympathized.

When he had been promoted to First Class not too long ago, he went up to shake the President's hand. Sephiroth and Lazard were there to make sure it didn't have to go on any longer than necessary, but Genesis was able to develop a severe aversion to Shinra's icky presence in that time. He couldn't imagine giving a presentation not just in front of him, but Hojo, and Veld, and the rest of the Directors. Too much.

Luckily, Asher seemed to play right into Genesis' hands. With a sigh, Asher pushed away from the computer and stood up, stretching.

"Have you eaten lunch yet, Genesis?" Asher walked around his desk and grabbed a jacket from where it was hanging on the hall. "I'm buying."

"There's a nice place on 23rd Street, Sector 1. Let's go there." Genesis walked out of the door Asher had politely opened for him.

* * *

The 'nice place' was the nicest place Asher had ever seen. Many circular tables covered in white silk were arranged under soft lighting and quiet classical music. As a child, it would have been exactly the place Asher would have thought of as a stereotypical fancy restaurant for the super rich. Genesis seemed delighted by Asher's reaction.

Asher couldn't stop looking at all the fancy. He felt a little out of place in his working casual clothes. The constant checking around him was a little cute to Genesis, it was one of the few human moments he had gotten out of Asher.

To Genesis, the General and the Lieutenant were always a little superior, at least in impression. For the General, it was obvious, his superhuman abilities were apparent, far beyond even a SOLDIER, everything he seemed to do was effortless. The Lieutenant was similar, but yet couldn't be more an opposite.

Where Sephiroth's movements were always poised and refined like he never had to think about them, Asher's were practiced. Asher always did what was asked of him, no less. He often did jest about his workload, but he never skipped out on anything. Sephiroth, it seemed, couldn't be bothered with the trivia of ordinary work.

Even if Asher seemed tired, always putting his work before himself, he always made himself available for SOLDIER where Sephiroth didn't. Sure, Sephiroth valued and praised the men under his command, he rarely served as anything other than leader or inspiration. The Most Powerful SOLDIER Ever.

Every boring operations timetable or protocol sheet had Asher printed on it somewhere. Famously he had brought the Virtual Reality System into popular use with the power of determination and coffee.

Asher may not have known every SOLDIER by name but in two minutes he could catch up on their entire service record and know where best to place you. Manager extraordinaire.

That manager ordered a medium-rare steak and some kind of fancy potato dish. Somehow with that appetite Asher kept an even thinner frame than Genesis, who prided himself on keeping an even figure; no pound was wasted. A little too skinny, maybe, but that was Asher's call, Genesis supposed, not his.

Asher happily devoured the basket of breadsticks as they arrived. _Warm_ , Asher thought as he picked through. Genesis looked on in fascination.

"Even for SOLDIERs, how can you eat so much?"

Asher glanced up from his seventh breadstick. "I have a high metabolism, even for a SOLDIER. 1st Class recommended intake is 4500 calories a day? I think is what I set out? But I need like, 6500, last I checked. Gotta eat."

"I don't track my calories so closely, but I eat what I need, and no more." Asher nodded to Genesis' answer.

"Would guess, for you, 4200 then," Asher spoke through his ninth breadstick. You should see Sephiroth eat. 7000 calories for homeostasis. Absolutely amazing. Took me years to completely wean him off of protein block supplements. Still need our mineral supplement pill every day, but now Seph actually eats food, ya know?"

Asher blinked at his company. "Sorry. I apologize for interrupting you." And Genesis smiled.

"So polite. I thought you weren't planning on being so accommodating for me."

Asher did a very good job of staying composed. "Well, you certainly seem to want to be friends, and, now that you're First Class, we're going to be working together. Might as well be friends." Asher showed a small smile. "I'm just not going to do your paperwork for you, Genesis."

Genesis examined a fork. " I might understand it if all those forms were more directly related to my duties. Mission reports, I understand. Requisition forms, I understand. Requests for consideration or approval, I still understand. Everything else? I don't know what the fuck a Type-3 actualisation form is! Or half of all the other shit. You have to understand what I mean, right?" Asher just looked at him, seemingly thinking.

"You know, you somehow have even less patience than I did for this," Asher grinned. "I like that. You're hitting very close to the truth with those words."

"What?" For once Genesis didn't have a witty comeback or remark. Asher gazed at him over crossed arms.

"Shinra's a great big clockwork. Some parts of it don't make a damn of sense. But it keeps going. The company is much too complicated for its own good. Everything gets lost in paperwork. Junk in creates junk out; it's all a joke. You just got to do the work. It's not something that can be taught; it's part of the job. Do you understand?"

"No. And I've lost track of this conversation completely if I'm honest, so I'm going to talk about something else." Genesis reached under the table and brought out the manila envelope he had brought with him.

Asher eyed the file. "How is this something else? Looks like more paperwork, which I'm still not doing for you for exactly the reasons I just described."

"No. This is special. I haven't opened this yet, but I have it on a reliable source that this is legitimate. It's your Turk file."

Asher's brow furrowed, and he sat up in the chair, reaching across for the file. Genesis snatched it away.

"Oh no you don't. It took a lot to get this. I'm not just going to let you look at it."

Asher gaped. "Why show it to me? What the fuck is the point? Also, yes, let's discuss very classified information in a public space. What are you thinking, Genesis?"

"Aw, you're cute when you're serious." Asher rolled his eyes, pleading.

"This isn't the time for this. What kind of file is it?"

"The full, unabridged kind." Asher seemed unconvinced.

"A level 5 file? No way you could get that without Turks knowing. There could be Turks here, now, watching."

Genesis gestured around himself. "Where? You see or sense any?"

"Well, no, but-"

"This is real. I take it you've never its content before?"

Asher was a bit excited. "No, of course not. That's highly compartmentalized stuff. No one sees it, not even most Turks. How the fuck did you get it? Why did you get it?"

Genesis thumbed the edge of the file. "I won't lie. I was trying to get Sephiroth's file, to learn more about him. Everyone's always so damn secretive about him all the time. He never talks about himself. Some clarity would have done me good. I settled for your file. I wanted to see how you would react. Amd to learn about you, too."

Asher was already standing up and walking around the table to Genesis. "We can't keep the file here. Let's go."

Genesis pouted. "Can we at least get our food to go?"

And then Genesis and Asher were eating steak to go in Genesis' room. Angeal was being fed steak bites by Genesis' chopsticks.

It was probably the first time Asher had been invited into Genesis and Angeal's apartment, but Angeal didn't seem to mind the intrusion. Genesis and Angeal had that kind bond that made it feel like Asher was intruding on something even when that was the furthest thing from the truth. They were both excellent First Classes, both together and on their own. Asher's eyes never left the envelope and they ate on the couches in the living room.

Angeal had to mediate a bit. "So I see Genesis has been up to no good again."

"No, dear." said Genesis.

"Yes, dear." said Asher, sarcastically, which earned a glare from Genesis and a startled look from Angeal.

"I will admit," Angeal continued, "I have been wondering about where our great leaders come from, especially Sephiroth. And you too," Angeal added.

Asher looked exasperated. "Then fucking ask, like normal people. No need to go out of your way to get sensitive material like that."

Genesis shrugged. "No fun in that. Plus," he said, opening the folder, "Turks have organized this very well. Nothing to accidentally miss here."

"Wonderful," Asher groaned.

Genesis was reclined against Angeal on the couch as Asher had sank all the way down in his chair. Genesis turned another page. Angeal was gazing lazily at a dense table of information. Genesis sighed into his material.

"Is this really all the Turks do all day? Compile information like this?"

"Don't fault them for it," Angeal grumbled beside him. "You know how much paperwork _we_ do."

Angeal and Genesis glanced at each other and laughed; Asher grinned from his spot in the chair. They'd spent several hours going through the big file, more for the sake of it than anything else. It was likely a Turk would show up to claim it back at any moment; this was a unique opportunity to seize.

Genesis pulled out a particular sheet and cleared his throat, his face bursting into such a devilish grin that Asher knew Genesis had found something good.

"A report on the close relationship between Cadet Asher and Lieutenant Sephiroth. Shiva, must be old." Genesis read Asher the report date.

"That must only be a few weeks after I came to Shinra. Holy, that's a long time ago now. Go on, read it." Genesis scanned the page for anything interesting.

"It is this Turk's opinion that Asher exhibits a stabilizing influence on Sephiroth's life at Shinra. Recommend a policy of non-interference in this regard. No malicious intent can be implied from his actions, so this report recommends reclassification from Active Investigation to Person of Interest (Priority). It is this Turk's opinion that Asher would prove cooperative when Turks encounter him on the future." Genesis put the paper down. Angeal had stopped reading his paper to glance over at Asher sympathetically.

"More and more I get the impression that you and Sephiroth just kind of… happened. It worked out that way. It just happened to be that you got along, instead of him killing you or something."

Genesis sat up and scratched his head. "I know Angeal's about to apologize, but I'd like to be the first." It was Asher's turn to sit up, surprised.

"What? What do have to apologize for?"

Genesis and Angeal glanced again at each other, and Genesis rubbed his hands together, not meeting Asher's eyes.

"We misjudged you. I misjudged you, I mean. I thought you'd cheated somehow, you know. Getting to be with him, why was it you, and not someone else? But I realized after reading all this, that I couldn't be that person that you were for Sephiroth. I can't imagine anyone being Sephiroth emotional support soldier. But you do it."

Angeal put a hand on Genesis' shoulder.

"Are you all right, Asher? Really?" Asher was baffled by their statements, jaw hanging open a little.

"Of course I am. Listen to yourselves, you've been reading Turk files for the past hour. Imagine a Turk trying to assess you two's relationship? Think that would reflect well?"

Angeal softened. "I suppose you're right."

Genesis didn't. "Does he abuse you?"

Angeal gasped. "Genesis!"

Asher couldn't believe they were having this conversation. He closed his eyes and counted to ten so he wouldn't slap Genesis across the face for asking that.

"No, Genesis. Okay, Sephiroth is emotionally difficult at times, but I can deal with. Yes, he gets mad. But he never takes it out on me. Yes, he has destroyed part of the Training Facility before. But fuck you, Genesis, for jumping so quickly to _abuse_."

Genesis at least had the common sense to _look_ ashamed.

"Sorry. I had to ask. Just wanted to make sure. I could see you staying in that kind of relationship with him just to keep helping him." Angeal rubbed his shoulder.

"Asher, my relationship with Genesis has never been perfect but we're here, now, in relatively intact shape. If you ever need help with that kind of thing, we're always here."

Asher tried not to roll his eyes, grateful for them caring.

"Thanks, guys."

Genesis sighed. "Okay, sorry for that question, really. But with your most recent episode coming out of the labs and what we've learned from these files and the Turks, you're just as much of an anchor to Sephiroth's sense of humanity and loyalty as any of Hojo's treatments. And Hojo is _definitely_ trying to control you, somehow. We really are that worried about you and Sephiroth."

Angeal nodded along with him. "Just be careful."

Asher breathed out through his nose. "I know. _I know._ And I understand your reaction. Which is why I'm not punching Genesis in the fucking face. The higher-ups in Shinra really care about how Sephiroth behaves. And I influence Sephiroth a lot, obviously. I know they keep things from us. But I'm doing the best I can. Thanks for your help, before, now, and in the future. Really, guys."


	21. consideration

**[a/n] okay to be safe and so I don't get crucified by ffnet this is an edited version of this chapter, slightly less horny. yes i interrupt the flow of the story to say 'this part was too horny for ffnet', and basically i just remove the end bit, but that's the deal i guess; ffnet is too anti-horny. i think i'm still pushing it tbh. to read the full horny go to the ao3 mirror of this story shirasekun - same title. thank.**

* * *

Sephiroth had been thinking a lot about the history he had with Asher, six years of it now. Would they have ever met if not for a chance encounter in the slums? Asher had told him the story, he could not recall what compelled him to join the fray. If Asher hadn't, he would not have revealed himself to be a resourceful fighter and an apt materia user.

Even without Asher's help, Sephiroth would have likely survived the monster onslaught, only enduring some major pain along the way. But Sephiroth always remembered, or at least held a version in his mind of that first adrenaline-filled struggle. It was with Asher he first experienced mortality; the possibility of losing fights was inescapable. Afterwards, Sephiroth knew he had to keep Asher around.

He had never wished to care for anyone before, but seeing Asher nearly dead stirred something in him. The other men he knew fought for themselves, or out of a sense of duty to protect him, and Asher had no such association. Asher had actually nearly killed himself to save him. And Sephiroth, for the first time in his life, felt he had to do right by him.

They had formed a tenuous friendship immediately, out of hope that a true friend could eventually be found in the other, as long as trust endured. Sephiroth found that Asher appreciated him like no one else did, as a friend, a comrade. He rarely knew other infantry men to make a lasting impression, but Asher was always there, Sephiroth made sure of that as well. In his first true use of his command, he took on Asher as apprentice and lieutenant in all things.

Asher learned from him, and Sephiroth from he. Asher learned combat, command, sword work, discipline, and Sephiroth learned recreation, conversation, humor, intuition in return. Sephiroth felt safe asking Asher for help where anyone else may have balked at him, and Asher was able to confide in Sephiroth all his worries and hopes, things Sephiroth never had considered.

Asher becoming a SOLDIER seemed inevitable, Asher was able come much closer in speed and stamina, but always shined in the materia department. Green healing energy became a common feature of their training sessions to wipe away the cuts, breaks, bruises. He would go on to, during the war, become the personal medic to an appreciable fraction of the Shinra infantry, and to Sephiroth. He had certainly felt much calmer in Asher's hands than his father's.

But why? Was it simply the intimacy? Of course that was a factor. And Sephiroth cared a great deal about Asher's safety, of course, just as his lieutenant did in return. He always enjoyed Asher's company, whether in a professional environment, planning and managing, out on missions, slaying monsters and helping civilians, or in their apartment, in any of the domestic situations they found themselves in.

Maybe Sephiroth was overthinking it. Asher had certainly not failed to accuse him of such before. Ever since Sephiroth pointed out the lack of physicality in their relationship, they slept naked together. Asher, although exhausted, had explicitly declared his romantic and sexual attraction to him the night he had finished the Virtual System.

So what was missing? There were no more boundaries to cross, were there? But Sephiroth was again reminded of the one advance Sephiroth had made, so long ago. Was it different now? He was sure Asher would let him do anything he wanted, but Asher refused to initiate, whether out of a bizarre aversion to it or for fear of repulsing him.

Which was ridiculous, honestly. Asher was the person with whom he shared the deepest emotional connection. Sexuality was never something on his mind; unlike any other SOLDIER, he seemed to have no sex drive. Maybe that was the problem. They couldn't meet each other halfway because Sephiroth couldn't even take the first step. Even when he stopped taking his pills, the inhibiting chemical had apparently done its damage. The sexual autonomic responses had gone.

So Sephiroth went and did research. A lot of research, and went and talked to Genesis and Angeal and a few forums online. And some more of all of that just to be sure. A plan was beginning to form in his head, something very interesting. He made a few of Hojo's underlings make him something. Something he hoped would fix his problem.

He and Asher sat next to each other on the couch, watching a historical drama. Asher was pressed against his side, nuzzling into his chest. The presence comforted him, but nothing like it should be. The more he had become aware of how much physical contact truly meant like this, the angrier he had become at Hojo for taking it from him. But he was ready, he believed. Role play practice with Angeal and Genesis couldn't be all wrong, right?

Sephiroth had already snaked his hand around Asher's waist, pliant in his grip. Slowly, he moved the hand up his body, under the shirt, lightly brushing his fingers over the pectoral muscles, and the nipples there. If it were possible, Asher relaxed even more and let out a quiet sigh, his eyes closed. Asher's heart rate sped up quite a bit, but he offered no resistance. Gone was his focus on the television as he tipped his head back and groaned when Sephiroth worked the sensitive areas of the chest more intensely. Their eyes met closely.

"Asher."

"Don't stop."

"I don't want to hurt you." Asher seemed to resist rolling his eyes at that.

"Sephiroth, whatever has compelled you to do this, hold onto that feeling and never ever let go."

"I am sorry I have denied you this for so long." Asher shook his head.

"Never apologize. Don't. Understand?" Sephiroth nodded.

"May I try something?" Asher nodded enthusiastically.

"Sephiroth, try anything. Don't ask. Until I say 'red', you have my full, unabridged consent. I trust you. "Red" is the safeword." Sephiroth had learned about safe words before, but never imagined it would come up immediately. What Asher said filled his heart until it ached. He was almost paralyzed with fear of mistake until Asher reached up and kissed him. It only lasted about two seconds, but then Asher pulled away and SOLDIER-green eyes met.

"Stop worrying. Let yourself fail. Let go. I can take it." His eyes flashed and he took a deep breath in and out. Asher swung a leg over and began to straddle Sephiroth right there on the couch.

But Sephiroth stopped. Asher stopped and tilted his head. They continued to look at each other.

"Asher."

"Yes."

"I love you."

Asher blushed deeply, but never broke eye contact nor moved away.

"You've never said that to me, Seph. I love you, too."

"To be perfectly honest, I understood us to already have such an understanding. But I never considered the value in the words themselves, being said out loud."

Asher nodded and smiled. "Thank you so much, Seph."

"In spite of our compromising position, I would like to say something deeply personal." Asher once again nodded his approval. Sephiroth took a short breath before speaking.

"I have always considered you to be my closest friend; before I met you, I had no such conception of 'friend' as I understand it now. You changed that. Every new dimension of interpersonality I have begun to experience since then has been first realized between us. It has taken me a long time to recognize that I love you, properly. It had become the inescapable result of my rumination on the impact you've had on my life. Thank you for honoring our relationship and more all this time. I know I have been the furthest from a typical childhood friend that I could be, but I hope you feel similarly."

Asher started to tear up.

"Shiva, I've loved you from the moment you gave me a proper home: with you. I can't imagine being anywhere other than right here, Sephiroth."

Then the moment was over; and Asher embraced Sephiroth tightly. Slowly, he returned the hug.

"Asher, I must confess I learned about sexual contact from the internet. You've been with me my entire adolescent life, and I have never had any romantic or sexual partner, not even you. I also asked Genesis and Angeal for help."

"That's fine, Sephiroth. I had a few encounters with the Turk, Reno."

"Sexual encounters?"

"Relatively. I wouldn't have thought you would be offended using him as practice." Asher bore a rare guilty expression, diverting his gaze.

"It's alright," Sephiroth said gently. "You were deprived of sexual contact that I couldn't provide. As long as he didn't harm you."

Asher laugher, a soft little thing with breath through the nose. "No, I would've kicked his ass if he tried anything. Also, a several one-off stands, mainly in Wutai. They keep their mouths shut."

Sephiroth raised a brow. "Oh? I suppose that can be forgiven, too. We have never been 'together', as it were, so cheating could not, by definition, take place."

Asher's palm began to travel up Sephiroth's chest. "Are we lovers now, then?"

"If we agree so, I suppose we are."

Asher smiled. "Then we are. Officially."

Sephiroth smiled slightly. "Then I have something else to tell you. You are aware of the suppression of my sexual autonomic response?"

"Something like that."

"I can reverse it. I have a bottle of pills, I take four at a time. Inhibit the inhibitor. Only temporarily, for about 12-16 hour intervals. Enough for whole nights, I'll have a sex drive again."

Asher seemed to consider that.

"Sephiroth, are you sure about that? What's bothering you, really?"

Sephiroth tilted his head. "I thought that was obvious. How is it that you are both the horny one and the reasonable one?" Asher giggled.

"Never heard you say 'horny' before. And it's because I care about you. You wanting to medicate yourself like this is just a bit of a red flag to me. I don't want you to feel like you have to chemically induce these things."

"I want this. Beyond just for you. For me."

"Because you want to experience it with me?"

Sephiroth grit his teeth. "Asher, it might as well be with you, if anyone." Asher searched Sephiroth's face for a reason, any reason.

"This is about control. I'm an idiot." Asher sighed and sank back. "Sephiroth…"

Asher got off of Sephiroth, choosing instead to sit next to him on the couch.

"Asher, let me do this for you. For us." Sephiroth took Asher's hand in his own.

"Completed consummate love," Asher muttered. Sephiroth nodded.

"Yes, the missing element. Intimacy, commitment, passion. Those three form a complete relationship. The first two of which we have, but the third I cannot give you. I will not let you deny yourself this element of our relationship any longer. I regret being neglectful in-"

Asher covered Sephiroth's mouth and met his eyes. "Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. End of discussion. You understand?"

Sephiroth nodded under his hand. "Okay. Now, we both know each other very well. Incredibly well. Now, you wouldn't have had this kind of problem unless someone hammered it in. Forget what they said. Forget what Hojo says. Really forget. As much as I am really horny for this and as much as you _want_ to be horny for this, we shouldn't do this yet."

Sephiroth stared right into Asher's eyes, searching. "Why not?"

"You're doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. It's good, great, that you recognize that our relationship could improve in a way, and you want to make that better."

Sephiroth nodded. "Yes."

Ashed shook his head no.

"Hojo hurt you. Hurt you by taking something you've never known. You want to say 'Fuck him', and take it right back. Of course you love me, we both know that. But this isn't about that. This is about your need for control."

Sephiroth tilted his head. "How do you mean?"

"You feel the need for control, it's part of your 'natural leader' persona. Don't let that control you."

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow in response. "You feel the need to analyze everything. It's part of your 'natural advisor' persona."

Sephiroth started to chuckle slightly as Asher sighed, laying down on top of Sephiroth's torso.

"If I guess what you were about to say, Asher, my love, will you concede?"

"What was I about to say?" Asher mumbled into Sephiroth's chest.

"You were about to say how I can't trust some chemical that Hojo's subordinate made. That they likely told Hojo about my request and changed it to something else entirely."

"To be honest, I was thinking more about why you were doing those things than the specific implications of your actions."

"Hm. Well, if we are not to have sex tonight, can we at least talk about sex?"

"I've been waiting to talk about sex with you for a long time, Sephiroth. I've had to stare at your naked body all through adolescence."

"So I, turn you on, is that right?"

Asher presser his face deeper into Sephiroth's shoulder. "Yeah."

Sephiroth pet Asher's head. "Is it so embarrassing to admit?"

Asher pulled away suddenly and grinned. "No, it's just really funny to hear you say 'turn you on'."

 **the worst dirty talk joke i have ever written**

Asher violently choked on laughter and had to get off of Seph's lap as he calmed down.

"Holy fuck Seph, where did that come from?"

"It is a popular usage within 'dirty talk', if my research is accurate."

Asher shook his head. "Alright, take everything you learned about dirty talk and chuck it into the garbage. It's so _not_ you."

"What would you suggest?"

Asher cradled his throat and walked to the kitchen.

"Play up your strengths. Physicality, seduction, that kind of deadly warrior attitude you like to have." Asher grabbed a glass and filled it with water. "That same intensity of focus in battle." Asher took a long drink from the glass and made his way back to the couch.

"Verbal seduction is not what I think of when I think of Sephiroth, is the point."

"Should I attempt another avenue of attack, then?"

"I'd rather we wait until I take a proper look at the pills you got. Then we would both properly enjoy it."

Sephiroth shook his head. "That can wait. 'Red' is the safeword, correct?" Now that Sephiroth was making an effort to pay attention, he noticed Asher's cock jump in his pants. Good. Sephiroth began to switch the tone of his voice to his steely anger, but ever so slightly softer, so it couldn't take Asher out of it.

"I don't care if I don't feel anything, you are not leaving my side until you are panting from completion, is that understood?"

Asher's pupils had completely dilated as he stood there, frozen. Sephiroth had to stand up and whisper is his ear.

"Remember, 'red' is my safeword as well. And I order you to let go. Stop worrying and make love to me. That's an order-"

Asher cut Sephiroth by pressing their lips together., They stood there, kissing, trying to feel out what the other liked. Sephiroth couldn't figure out what he liked other than the intense contact, but Asher seemed to like a little bit of tongue. Asher moaned into the kiss and pressed harder, pushing his hands under Sephiroth's shirt.

Asher moved them to the couch and had them each remove their shirts. Asher sat for a moment and took it in, tracing a finger up and down.

"Sephiroth, I really fucking love your body."

"What about it?"

"Just the whole… everything. The aesthetics of it. I wish could feel me worshipping-"

Asher almost moaned the word as he cut himself off. Blinking, he blushed and turned away.

"Ah, uh sorry."

Sephiroth grabbed his partner's chin and forced their eyes to meet.

"Asher, I 'really fucking love' you when you are purely you, like this. Nothing could enthrall me more. Continue, and don't stop. Let nothing be taboo between us unless the other says so."

Asher nodded and went back to tracing every curve on Sephiroth, memorizing it with his hands like his eyes had memorized so long ago.

Sephiroth hand went for his own pants. "Shall I disrobe completely?" Asher could only nod silently in response.

Much like long ago, he knew the motions Asher liked. His partner sighed a little when Sephiroth removed his sweatpants and boxer briefs in one move. Sure, they slept naked together, but Asher had never ravished him like this before, at all. Even neutered, as it were, Sephiroth still felt a profound headiness unlike anything he had felt before, as if a primal instinct was struggling to break through.

 **big horny part for the rest of the chapter**

" Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA. **" - ffnet guidelines**

(so basically they didn't actually have penetrative sex but like it was still sexually explicit in the way FFnet doesn't like most of the way through to the end like 1200 words or so)

(it was a good experience, yay)

(also some really bad humor)

(thanks for reading anyway, the full horny is on ao3 like i said)


	22. observation

**[a/n]: whatever you're expecting, i doubt this is it. i'm going somewhere with this story maybe.**

* * *

Some things began to change as others stay the same.

Sephiroth always awoke before Asher. Ever since they had began to sleep together, Sephiroth had always taken the moments before the start of the day to simply lay in bed and appreciate the company. Asher would always be variously sprawled across the bed, leaning against or on top of Sephiroth. Asher only ever lightly snored or drooled, Sephiroth did neither.

Asher nearly always awoke by seeking contact with Sephiroth before yawning and stretching like a cat. Often times they would both get up just before the alarm would sound and begin their morning routine. Recently, as he reclaimed his own sexuality, Sephiroth had felt the want to kiss Asher awake. And so it was done, Asher softly giggling and lazily kissing back in response.

They showered together now, washing each other clean and smooth. Sephiroth's, previously an extended ordeal of a task, took a third of the time with the both of them working it together. They would eat breakfast and start their day together. Sephiroth nearly always wore his custom leather uniform and Asher a First Class uniform with the collar cut away.

At work, Sephiroth did paperwork he hated and attended meetings he loathed. Asher had automated most of the paper and gotten him out of all but the most essential meetings; he could only imagine going insane from the load otherwise. Reports of the ongoing Wutai conflict continued seemingly without end, eventually SOLDIERs did have to be redeployed, and the cycle continues. Sephiroth continued to confirm or deny various promotions to Second, and began to plan the general SOLDIER training regimen.

Asher helped, while being assigned to help supervise moving SOLDIER mission assignment and communication entirely onto the PHS. The 'Worldwide Network', they were calling it. Sephiroth began to notice that the executive board began to take every chance to use the SOLDIER department for its own purposes, and Sephiroth felt a little frustrated. SOLDIER being pulled so many different directions didn't help the men, and it meant headaches for himself.

Sephiroth grew more agitated as the work increased. Deployments to Wutai, among many other things, required his personal attention. Asher and his automations couldn't stand in the way anymore. Asher himself had become corralled by engineers and the Science Department, leaving very little personal time for the both of them.

* * *

Sephiroth didn't remember what happened. One executive had made an insensitive comment about Asher, that he wasn't the man his fellow SOLDIERs claimed he was. Asher had been forced away onan urgent assignment with a detachment of army grunts. Sephiroth hadn't slept in four days, being utterly swamped with work. Whatever the case, he found himself dripping wet, naked, and strapped to a chair in Father's lab. Straps specifically designed to restrain him. Father wanted something.

"What was the trigger?" Came Father's detached voice. Even with enhanced vision, it was difficult to locate an exact location for the speaker.

"I don't know."

Freezing water. SOLDIERs could resist, even he, but not forever. Not like this.

"It is unbecoming of you to lie to me, boy. What was the trigger?"

"I was exhausted. He provoked me."

More water. Sephiroth began to shiver uncontrollably, something he had never experienced before and could not stop himself from doing.

"Excuses. I arranged it. You needed to be tested. You are becoming much too soft. I have allowed an intolerable weakness for too long now."

Sephiroth said nothing, only continued to shiver in place.

"I understand you have been attempted to subject your biology. That was a mistake. You are as you are. Trying to change that is foolhardy."

"Because of Subject 23? Your… lieutenant?"

"I want to explore… my humanity," Sephiroth managed."

"No." Father said simply. "You do not. This was a mistake. The first of mine. I thought the control element would correct, but I was wrong. Subject 23 has had an increasingly degenerate effect on your person."

"Why allow me emotions, if you stop me from exploring them?" A small indignity of a question.

Father sighed. "Emotion is unfortunately too core to the human template to simply remove. We can only control it, lock it away. Subject 23 was the ultimate measure in achieving that goal. Anything to make it through would simply be piped into it rather than the outside world."

Sephiroth refused to make the connection.

"Asher is not a person. It is another construct designed to make you obey. It has failed horribly. We are here to evaluate what went wrong and what damage this has inflicted."

Sephiroth did not believe that. He was forced to confront the fact that Father might be lying to his face. But why? To test him? There must be some reason. But of course Asher was real, if none of it was real, then? Sephiroth didn't even consider that.

Instead, Sephiroth mentally reset himself, digging deep and finding the mental grounds yet again. This was bullshit, plain and simple. Father couldn't keep him here forever. He didn't have to answer Father's questions.

Sephiroth felt himself begin to let go of the height he held Father to and to reconsider all that Asher had spoke of Hojo. All that Genesis, that Angeal said. All that his fellow SOLDIERs had said. All of it devoid of the assumption that his Father was perfect and never wrong. All of that gone painted Hojo, Father, as evil.

* * *

Over the roar of the helicopter, Asher held the healing materia and concentrated. The Turk's flesh continued to knit itself back as she grit her teeth around a makeshift bite guard.

The trooper sergeant walked over and tapped his helmet. Asher reaches up and turned on his own built in radio which severely drowned out the copter noise and tuned him into the helmet call.

"How she doing, sir?"

"Fine, I'll have her stabilized by the time we get to Midgar. Get back to your seat."

The trooper nodded and was replaced by Tseng, also with helmet. Asher put the materia down for a moment and reached for the medkit, pulling out a few things.

"She did well. What was your opinion of her performance?"

Asher nodded as he worked. "Considering she's alive and she saved two troopers without compromising the mission, fucking fantastic. Pass her."

"Will she be able to resume work soon?"

Asher glanced between Tseng and the bloody mess.

"Get her to a hospital and do all the right things, sure, two weeks or so, definitely. No sooner."

"I was once incapacitated for six weeks, the Turks understand proper healing at least."

"I would hope so. How's Veld? Haven't seen him in a while."

"He's a Turk. You only see him when you need to."

Asher picked some stitching and went to work. "I know being a stiff ass is part of being a Turk, but do you guys have dinners sometimes? Drinks? Hang out like you're not super-spies for once."

"No," Tseng said with not much room for interpretation.

"Fair enough. That's exactly why _I_ could never be a Turk. You're a suit. Literally. I couldn't ever do that."

"You do have the best ratings from Turks that worked with you."

Asher raised an eyebrow. "What, the Turks rate people, by how good they are to work with? Like, RateMySOLDIER?"

"Something like that, as part of your general Turk intelligence report."

"Sure. Makes as much sense as everything else you guys track."

Tseng pointed to his colleague's wound. "Will that scar? She'll hate that."

"Yes, it will scar. Definitely. I hope she'll at least remember that she's still alive when she looks at it, rather than the fact that I couldn't remove a skin problem."

Tseng nodded. "No, it's a good reminder of her own mortality. I myself have a scar over my abdomen for those six weeks."

"Thanks for telling me, Tseng. It was a very necessary detail."

"Turks appreciate that honesty. You never try to talk down to a Turk, or indulge some of their bad habits for the sake of it, or over complicate the mission."

"Yep. Is this compliment train going somewhere? I like you, and the Turks, but that's never stopped you guys from being Turks, you know?"

"Can we put a pin it until you finish stitching up Scythe?"

"Yeah."

* * *

Tseng was flying the copter, and Asher sat in the copilot chair. Just sitting, not copiloting.

"They're driving Seph into the ground, I'm surprised he didn't snap sooner."

"Hojo took him in for questioning."

"Yes." Asher stared out into the grey skies approaching Midgar.

"I assume you are concerned for Sephiroth and angry at Hojo for putting him through that.

"Yes."

"I can't allow you to kill him."

"I think it's good that you automatically jumped to me murdering the bastard."

"We know you've been into Hojo's classified files recently."

"Yes. Some things in those files even the Turks don't know."

"Yes, but know the what kind of content they hold."

"You assume I would let him die that easily."

Tseng nodded. "To clarify, I can't let Hojo come to harm, by President's mandate."

Asher sighed. "Yeah, I know. But what if he died, like secretly? Assassination, can't prove who did it, but he'd be dead."

"That's treason."

"And you can't tell anyone of consequence about it without the end result being the collapse of Shinra, so we're back to square one, aren't we?"

"Do you intend to replace him?" Tseng said neutrally after a while.

"What?" That had taken Asher off guard.

"Hypothetically, if Hojo were removed, someone would need to fill his place, to serve his function as head scientist and manager of SOLDIER biochemical synthesis. Could that be you?"

Asher thought about it. He never though he might be that person.

"Maybe. Ideally no, I'm reluctant to actually step into that job. But I'd like to guide the next one, at least. Tell them how SOLDIER likes to be treated."

Tseng gave Asher a look, like he wanted to approve but couldn't, because Turk Reasons™.

* * *

Tseng sat in Veld's office.

"Would you say this incident is especially different?" Veld asked from behind the desk, flicking through the mission report one finger at a time.

"No." Tseng thought about the conversation. "Asher continues to be critical, even a little treasonous, but he knows his place. He will be open to compromise more than, say, Genesis."

Veld nodded. "Speaking of Genesis, he has asked after Sephiroth twice today. SOLDIER is becoming anxious without its leader."

Veld sighed. "They stand together. Hojo hopes to control Sephiroth, to prod and poke and conform. And maybe that will work. But no one will be happy about it, least of all SOLDIER. Where did Asher go after you landed?"

Tseng adjusted his seat before speaking. "He left quickly. I assume he attempted to reach Sephiroth and failed, and is now conferring with Genesis and Angeal in one of their apartments."

Veld nodded and held up a remote. "Very good, Tseng." Pushing a button, the two of them turned to a surveillance screen that showed the three SOLDIERs First Class talking quickly around a table.

"...not your fault, Asher." It seemed to the Turks that Angeal was playing at mediator.

Asher tapped a finger on the table. "It was a bait. This whole thing is. Hojo doesn't like not controlling things. This is an excuse to keep him in the lab indefinitely. It's fucked."

Genesis shook his head. "There's gotta be a way we can get him out. He has rights!"

Angeal nodded. "I know you both are worried but unfortunately there isn't anything to do. Hojo won't let Seph go."

Genesis raised a finger in suggestion. " _When rules fall away, all that remains is power."_

Asher grumbled. "Loveless, Act 2. You're not wrong, but the question we have to ask ourselves is 'Is it worth destabilizing whole parts of Shinra just to get our way?"

Angeal reached out a hand to Genesis' shoulder. "Sephiroth is one person. Our friend, yes. But he's going to survive whatever procedure Hojo can think of. We could definitely bust in and free Seph for ourselves if we really wanted to. But that's not the issue. There are too many other people in the way. And Hojo put them there, and he's an bastard for that too."

Asher sighed. "Yeah." Asher seemed to stop and think for a moment. "Genesis, I've got an absolutely stupid idea that you'll love."

* * *

New Sephiroth was quite boring. If you told Angeal what would happen if Hojo were actually get his so-called perfect Sephiroth, this night be it. Might as well be an automaton. New Sephiroth even liked paperwork.

New Sephiroth sat in Genesis and Angela's apartment, reading over documenta he had brought over. Angeal was busy 'distracting' him.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Irrelevant question," New Sephiroth commenter briefly.

"Choose one," Angeal urged. Sephiroth put down his papers in exasperation and eyed Angeal. "Black. Like the night and what I see behind my eyes."

"It's green. Like a chemical reaction. You told me when Asher showed us the space VR demo, the one with all the colors Genesis likes. Remember?"

New Sephiroth shook his head.

Angeal pressed on. "What about me? What am I to you?"

"Coworker."

"And Genesis? Asher?"

"Also coworkers."

"Sephiroth, are you really going to sit there and say with a straight face that Asher is your _coworker_?"

"Our private arrangements are none of your business."

"Asher says you sleep with a nightgown now."

"I always have."

Angeal laughed. "Liar. You couldn't give less of a shit if someone saw you naked. It was more functional that way."

new Sephiroth seemed to refuse to look up anymore.

"Look, whatever it is you thought you knew about me, it seems to be misinformation. I would prefer not to be bothered while I work."

Genesis and Asher chose _that_ moment to burst through the door.

Asher sounded out of breath. "Sephiroth! We're here on orders from Hojo!"

Angeal looked past New Sephiroth to a full cart of equipment Asher and Genesis seemed to have cobbled together. Science Department equipment.

Sephiroth glanced up with his omnipresent neutral expression, and regarding the Cart.

"Why wouldn't Hojo simply summon me to the labs if I needed treatment?"

Asher began flipping switches as a hum filled the room. "Long story. It has to do with the psiokenetic interactions between SOLDIERs." Genesis put on a metal glove with protruding wires connected to the Cart mess. "Won't take a second. Genesis just has to touch your head. Remain calm."

Sephiroth nodded. "Understo-" A high amperage electrical sound buzzed went Genesis' gauntlet grasped the top of New Sephiroth's head. Sephiroth immediately slumped in his chair and Angeal just about bolted out of his.

"What the hell?" Genesis and Asher were there to calm him down.

"Apologies, love. It looks worse than it was. We couldn't simply Sleepel him.

Angeal didn't know what to say.

Asher indicated the Cart. "This is a lot of equipment that mimics What Hojo uses to control Seph. Genesis' glove has some materia in it, plus some control shards I pulled from the VR room temporarily. Basically we're going to undo what Hojo did, hopefully."

Angeal check Seph's pulse in the meantime. "How do you know what to do exactly?"

Genesis nodded Cart. "We walked in and took it. Asher and I hacked Hojo's computer and got the information. Apparently it's going to be fairly straightforward, right Asher?"

Asher nodded, checking a monitor in the chaos on the Cart.

"Well, I know what we need to do. Working the gauntlet, is just like working a materia, except we're shaping a mind. A mind specifically engineered to be coerced this way. Basically, the Seph we _is still in there, but locked away._ Actually, everything is. All the bullshit that normal people have that Sephiroth doesn't, we can give back."

Genesis flexed the fingers of the gauntlet. "I just have to follow what our fellow genius says, and we can save him."

Angeal considered it.

"You're giving everything back?"

Asher shook his head. "Most. Some things can stay with civilians. Itching. Excess sweat. Immune systems that kill the host body. Stuff like that." He turned the Angeal proper.

"This is going to take, like, six hours or more.

Angeal sighed.

"I'll go start on dinner."

* * *

Sephiroth woke up with a splitting headache. A massive one, he couldn't hear or feel anything else. But then the cool, fresh feeling of medical materia. Healing him. Sephiroth opened his eyes to Genesis, Angeal, and Asher looking over him, all holding glowing green marbles of materia.

When Asher noticed Sephiroth, their eyes locked. Asher leaned in a bit when he spoke.

"Name. Rank."

"Sephiroth. General. Also SOLDIER First Class."

"Current assignment?"

Sephiroth's mind was fuzzy, he couldn't think very well for some reason.

"I have no active mission. My standing orders are to administer SOLDIER and its use within and beyond Midgar."

"Do you know my name, and rank?" Sephiroth squinted before the name surfaced.

"Asher. Colonel. Chief Technical Officer of SOLDIER, and my primary lieutenant."

"Well, he's not brain dead-" Genesis began to comment before Angeal shut him up. Sephiroth barely even heard.

"How do you feel?" Sephiroth considered that.

"Unwell. Sluggish. I find it difficult to think, and I seem unable to sit up."

"That's alright, we're here to help. Do you feel safe?"

"That's-" Sephiroth had to consider why he faltered, after he had done so.

"No. But I feel safe when I consider the three of you. I do feel safe, if you say everything will be fine."

Asher nodded. "I think that's likely. Everything's going to be fine." Turning to the others, he continued. "His brain is recovering, processing. I'm going to keep talking to him."

"I am recovering." Sephiroth said simply.

Angeal was concerned. "How do you know it worked?"

Asher took Sephiroth's hand. "Seph, do you remember when we met? Think back. Long time ago."

Sephiroth struggled, but he _wanted_ to remember this nice man.

"A nest in the slums," he said dumbly.

"You wanted to help," he remembered.

"Materia man," he remembered the magic orb. Asher squeezed his hand.

"What about after? Emotionally? How did you feel?"

"Sad. You- you helped me: But I didn't know how to help you. I felt something in my heart that I didn't know- was there. And it made me want- a friend. Someone to _know_ , deep down. No one else had been nice like that-" and suddenly Sephiroth was crying- really crying like he never had before.

Genesis started. "Holy gods, he's crying, is he alright?"

Asher kept his eyes fixed. "He's still assimilating a lot. It may be overwhelming at times. Actually, it definitely will be."

"How long?"

Asher nodded. "I'll talk to him a bit more, then put him to bed. He should be mostly fine by tomorrow."

Genesis and Angeal nodded.

* * *

Sephiroth's head pulsed lightly, enough to wake him but maybe not enough to bother him particularly. His head was elevated on several pillows and the rest of his body was under the covers. Sephiroth felt momentarily disoriented and tried to remove his hands from under their cloth prison until his right banged into someone's back.

Sephiroth blinked at his lieutenant asleep in the bed beside him.

 _What happened?_

Sephiroth didn't like the lack of continuity before just now. He didn't know what he did yesterday. Sephiroth struggled to come up with any 'recent memory'. He remembered things, of course, he remembered _everything_ , but couldn't put a relative time on it. All of it was in the long-term past.

 _I am safe._

The reassurance came unexpectedly, like he knew his anxiety was rising. He felt safe, Asher was asleep next to him, nothing could be safer.

 _Right?_

Sephiroth noticed a note on the nightstand titled READ ME.

 _Wrote this for when you wake up, since I'm exhausted and will be in no capacity to explain. This note is for you, to stop worrying. Know the full answers will come in time, but suffice it to say Hojo fucked you up, then Angeal, Genesis and I unfucked you. I pulled us off duty today, don't freak. We'll kill Hojo later. Love you,_

 _Asher._

It was all Seph needed to hear. He laid back down and leaned over to hook an arm under Asher's waist and pull him closer. Asher, sleeping, adjusted to rest his head on Seph's shoulder, sighing quietly.

* * *

 _Sephiroth found himself sitting on a grassy hill covered with white flowers. He was dressed in his battle attire, Masamune was stuck into the ground a few meters away. Sephiroth had the distinct awareness that this was a dream. Yet, he had never dreamed like this before._

" _You are not the same Sephiroth." Asher's voice was disembodied. Sephiroth responded all the same._

" _I should think not. I am different enough such that Hojo would want to reprogram me. I am not his vision anymore."_

" _And what are you?"_

" _Whatever I might want to be." Sephiroth didn't know where that answer came from, but did not resist that part of himself. "I have this part of myself now, that wants to explore my humanity, and for the first time in my life, I think I can."_

" _Asher loves you. Desperately. More than most other times."_

 _Sephiroth didn't understand. "Other times?"_

" _Deenglow swarm has been one of my favorites. Forge a bond quickly at the right time like that, and you can be inseparable."_

 _Sephiroth surmised that this Asher wasn't his, exactly. But then what was he?_

" _Who are you, exactly. You appear to be Asher, but aren't."_

" _How do you feel about me?"_

 _Sephiroth considered. "Curious. I want to understand. I feel the need to understand. I may be close to a greater understanding."_

" _No hostility?"_

" _No?"_

" _Hmmm." The Asher voice chuckled. "I feel it. You are a good Sephiroth. A perfect one might take a thousand more iterations, but the Lifestream doesn't exactly have the energy."_

" _The energy for what?" Sephiroth considered grabbed Masamune and threatening the voice, but instantly reconsidered. He felt the voice tense up a little._

" _I'm sorry. I'm not your Asher, and I don't know you like he does. Just know that you are safe now. He doesn't know it, but I helped your Asher deprogram you. Hojo can't touch you any more. Your link to JENOVA is broken."_

 _Instead of feeling worry at the mention of his mother, Sephiroth instead felt a profound sense of calm. He wondered why that was._

" _Do you need me for something?"_

" _Eventually, perhaps. The battle between JENOVA and the Lifestream continues. And in this far corner of the continuum, one version of me has loved a good Sephiroth. I'd want to keep it that way, but war isn't kind. I may need you. Or, if you decide on your own, seek out Aerith Gainsborough. She will help."_

" _My own Asher… is unaware of any of this."_

 _Sephiroth felt the disembodied voice shake it's head._

" _He is not. He is an instance of me that I can be proud of, but he wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't want to. If you find the fight and decide to join, Asher will be at your side. Until then, this reality will continue to persist. You have my assurance."_

* * *

 **[a/n] ah yes. the meme continues.**


	23. perspective

**[A/N]: hey it's been a year since I started writing this story, imagine that. if you're reading this, congrats, you've made it this far. if you've been reading for a while now, thank you for sticking with me. this story is something to me, that's for sure.**

* * *

 **Elsewhere in the Continuum…**

Cloud Strife was about to fall asleep in the office chair he had been sitting in for the past had already inspected his fusion sword thrice and beaten level 999 of Chocobo Super Puzzle on his PHS in world record time.

Asher was still typing away at the computer. Of course, Cloud _understood why_ Asher had to type so much, but that didn't mean it was any less boring. Asher seemed to sense Cloud's boredom, and Cloud sensed that he sensed that, but neither of them did anything about it since it didn't matter either way if Cloud stay or walked around Shinra Tower for a bit.

After all, Cloud was fourteen as his active iteration right now, but a much more workable twenty-five in this offshoot reality. Cloud was literally dreaming this boredom, more or less. Cloud had given up trying to understand the why or how all this worked, only focusing on the important what: that this was all for destroying JENOVA and ending this fight one and for fucking all. Cloud tried to go over the whole thing from the beginning, closing his eyes and letting keyboard taps help his mind drift.

A very very very very very very long time ago for Cloud, all that shit that happened, happened. Cloud like Sephiroth, joins Shinra, fails SOLDIER test, meets Zack, Nibelheim incident, mako tubes, escape, Zack dies, AVALANCHE, save the world, kill Sephiroth, kill Sephiroth again, but now everyone is sick. Normal.

Then Aerith says the Lifestream think it'll be a good idea to try and go back in time to stop Sephiroth from fucking shit up. Except JENOVA finds out, and hijacks the Time Power to send Sephiroth back too. This is very bad, and Cloud clutched his head and this point. Why time travel? Why couldn't he just die like a normal person?!

Anyways, at some point along young Cloud's life in the new 'reset' timeline, Cloud would remember all that shit that happened in the future, then it would be go time. Stop Sephiroth early. But then later, Sephiroth would remember himself and the timeline would go to shit again. Oh no, let's try again, except now Sephiroth is always along for the ride, he's JENOVA's key to staying intact on the reset, it becomes an arms race between JENOVA and the Lifestream for control of the time reset mechanism.

Until JENOVA is properly disconnected from Sephiroth and _then_ the timeline is reset, then one could go about burning JENOVA alive like momma always intended. The problem was the disconnection part. Any time Sephiroth may have been about to lose, the timeline (and world) get reset. Cloud always remembers first, sometime between seeing Sephiroth on his momma's grainy black and white television and applying for SOLDIER, and Sephiroth between meeting Cloud Strife all the way up to the Nibelheim incident. Theoretically, a big advantage for team Lifestream. But since JENOVA still has access to the 'fuck-you' button a kind of stalemate arises.

Cloud sat up in his chair and behold: Asher's still fucking typing. Cloud sighed and asked a question that had been on his mind ever since he'd been going over history in his head.

"How old am I, like spiritually, at this point?"

Without stopping his typing or even turning around, Asher began to hum at an answer.

"Hm. Well, a normal iteration is anywhere from 3 to 12 years ideally, and there's been, uh, like five hundred loops for you at this point? So like three to five thousand years, real-time? Maybe? It's hard to say."

It was strange, Cloud didn't even feel surprised or scared by the revelation. Whoever he had been all those years ago had given way to a person who overwhelmingly _tired_. Of everything. He'd done the same cycle with the same people dozens of times. He'd seen Zack die a dozen different ways many times each. He had known Genesis and Angeal in perhaps a third of his lives. He couldn't remember the full record, but his last twenty fights with Sephiroth ended an even 10-10. They were growing to know each other so well that fights were becoming perfect information games, whoever made the first mistake.

One such fight lasted three weeks. Apparently Asher had cast over ten thousand curative spells in that time, only for JENOVA to reset when Cloud found an upper hand near sunset on Day 22. Cloud and Asher resolved to spend a good fraction of the next lifetime entirely at Costa del Sol, on vacation.

Their saving grace, their breathing room was the fact that apparently, Sephiroth never remembered himself early, or even close to Cloud. Cloud was always ready for the fight, but Sephiroth almost always jumped right into the carnage.

Oh yeah. Asher. So, resetting oneself forever is a little bleak and sure Aerith was there, kind of, but she was rarely physical, and her reset self acted on its own as if entirely separate unlike Cloud, whose personality and memory essentially overwrote the young Cloud's, leaving the 'original'. One could only talk to "Meta-Aerith" through the Lifestream.

Cloud eventually thought: "Well, why can't I bring someone on the loops with me? I'm tired of doing this by myself."

At first, he'd wanted Zack to be that person. Zack, of all people, deserved a second chance. The problem was, Zack almost never remembered until it was too late. Even telling Zack directly didn't seem to help. The Lifestream forcing an enhanced memory of other loops didn't seem to work very well. With most of his other AVALANCHE friends, it was worse, they would never remember, no matter how much Aerith and the Lifestream tried to coax them into it. Even Vincent, whose affiliation to Chaos implied a chance at a persistent looping memory, didn't work out. After a while, Chaos began to despise the loops and Vincent felt unable to participate, Omega left unfulfilled through every loop. Cloud moved on to Genesis and Angeal, who sometimes remembered when Cloud told them, but it didn't happen always. It was inconsistent enough that Cloud couldn't rely on them for constant help.

It was all very frustrating for Cloud, as the stalemate continued. Both sides could push the reset button if they so chose, so neither side could ever win. If nothing changed, it would have turned into a metaphysical endurance match that could have taken a hundred thousand, a million more cycles and fully eroded Cloud's psyche into fucking dust.

So something had to change. It had to be a person and not a thing, because had souls made of Lifestream that could be next into other loops like Cloud could. Aerith thought it might be better to let a friendship naturally evolve, that trying so hard to find someone might give him to wrong answers. So Cloud came to Midgar as early as possible every loop, and just tried to live wherever he could. Getting the lay of the land. Living in every sector, above and below the plate. Every interesting place. Anything that might be useful. Cloud spent a hundred loops, just trying different things. Cloud became more interested in immersing himself in the various life stories of everyone in Midgar than keeping Sephiroth at bay.

Meeting Asher was very strange. Unlike most other loops, his memory was triggered by injury. He had run off to join SOLDIER at a young age this loop, apparently as soon as he'd seen Sephiroth of TV. He'd strolled right into Midgar only to be slapped upside the head with a fat dose of reality. He'd remembered who Cloud was on the operating table. The smell of anesthetic and mako violently sobered him from small boy into centuries-old loop mind.

The slum doctor was barely an adult, shoulder length brown hair framing unreadable dark blue eyes and a carefully neutral expression. His lab coat was probably old Science Department issue. He held a green curative materia in one hand and was closing the knife wound in Cloud's chest.

Cloud was on his feet in less than an hour. The doctor was reading a clipboard.

"I'm Doctor Asher, what's your name?"

"Cloud. Cloud Strife."

"You new in Midgar, Cloud?"

"No. I just accidentally pissed off the wrong people. Thank you."

Asher nodded. "That's what I do. You're still not well enough to leave, is there anyone I can get you?"

"No. I'm ." Which wasn't true, Cloud had thought, but it wasn't exactly a lie either. Cloud had invented a hundred fake backstories before and he could do it one more time to get in with this guy.

Thinking back on it now, Cloud wondered if Aerith had just decided to expedite the whole thing. Asher turned out to remember even better than Cloud did, consistently and early. And being older than Cloud, he could sometimes trigger Cloud's own memory _even earlier_. Asher's fighting abilities turned out fine, just not on the same _planet_ of skill as Cloud or Sephiroth. So a 2v1 was out of the question. So Asher turned out to be most effective running interference, infiltration of Shinra and stopping Sephiroth from remembering his other self until the last possible moment. Cloud began to breathe easier. They got to have more time to create and implement plans.

But JENOVA always had the ultimate cheat code. Even when Sephiroth didn't remember, sometimes all it took was a chance encounter or a look to trigger him. So Asher often became a kind of intermediary at Shinra, guiding the company from within. Cloud stayed far away, and helped in all ways outside of Midgar.

Asher became a conduit for all the things Cloud didn't want to deal with. Time travel and alternate realities and the mundane direction of Shinra from within over the course of years. Cloud hates those things. And sure, Cloud was up for anything once, but he'd already done everything. Once. The eons of history filed each of their characters down into their most essential self.

Cloud was the defender of Gaia, the soldier fighting for the Lifestream in Aerith's name. Sephiroth was the avatar of JENOVA, a virus bent on the assimilation of an entire planetary manasphere, so it could conquer the galaxy… or something. Aerith continued as the avatar of the Lifestream, protecting it and speaking for it whenever necessary. Asher was a new element, one to drive change towards a viable end state where JENOVA was finally eradicated. Which was what was going on right now. Sort of.

Cloud's eyes drifted over to the typing. He wished he could be excited about anything, anymore. Everything was merely so _tiring_. Even inane things, like Asher's science words that he refused to learn about, out of principle, had become comforting in a way. After so much time learning, Cloud knew almost everything, but he refused to learn it all, just to have the mystery of _not knowing something._ He could feel like Asher was The Smart Science Guy, when in reality they both knew almost everything there was to learn, save Cloud's intentional ignorance, and had centuries to develop their various skills.

Cloud's body and mind just felt dead. It was likely that he'd done that to himself so he wouldn't feel the thousands of years of pain behind him, or something.

"Asher, are you okay? I'm not."

"No. I'm not either. But I'm calm and ready to serve. You?"

"Yeah." Cloud nodded.

"If we win, we'll get our happy ending, okay? I promise. We can have that happy ending as many times as you want, until you feel like dying. The Lifestream will owe us that much."

It was a mantra Asher repeated often. Cloud never felt he had the right to demand anything from the Lifestream, from Aerith, and he was resigned to his fate. Maybe that was part of the point. Asher had to be the one to question that norm. To win, not everything had to be respected always. Cloud stopped having a plan eons ago, but Asher kept coming with new ways of possibly stopping JENOVA once and for all. The Lifestream never quite had thoughts or ideas, it couldn't protect itself that way, not even through Aerith. Asher, and Cloud with him, would drag Gaia kicking and screaming onto the fucking victory pedestal. Asher had the Plan, and Cloud was the Man.

Asher's new plan was to travel to alternate, non-alpha timeline instances that had some dumb science property that let them link some realities together pairwise or something?! And that let them choose a specific reset of the world, where JENOVA Prime was (and nowhere else) , and all the pairs of realities could make a net or structure that 'uprooted' or science-worded JENOVA and maybe making it vulnerable enough to be permanently deleted. And somehow they could travel to these places by special dreams? Kind of? Cloud didn't care, but he was 25 here and 14 in the prime time. Line, with the Uproot-reset incoming soonish. Yes. Also the alternate timelines were going to make some Cloud-copies and Asher-copies to pour in to the rumble tumble bumble in the urban jungle that was Iteration whatever number.

To kill the Real JENOVA, you gotta stop her ability to reset the timeline. Asher big-brains a solution involving changing nearby realities in some way that does this. And they can travel to 'nearby' realities (a separate thing from their reset loops) by dreams or something. To make things even more confusing, Asher had confirmed for him that they weren't even alone, there were a Cloud and Asher native to this reality. Which was an even bigger headache. They just generated bodies of appropriate age on arrival then, Cloud supposed, and Asher confirmed that, too. See, Cloud wasn't so lost after all. The multiverse only got slightly easier to think about after living through it for a few thousand years.

And apparently: hacking into a computer for gods-know how long for will somehow impact reality enough to influence what 'will be' their timeline. Somehow. Something about the Lifestream connecting everything, which was probably not too far off as well. This was only the first alternate reality they would have to visit, after they return to the prime reality where he was currently 14, hiding in the Midgar slums, and Asher 20, head of the Science Department, having deposed Hojo with Cloud's help the year before. 13 year old Cloud still had 5000 year old Cloud's mind, reflexes, experience, and skills. And Hojo couldn't match up to that.

Every year or so in the prime timeline, they'd travel to an alternate reality, set up another thing, and continue that five more times. Then they would defeat Sephiroth in a specific way where they could partially hijack JENOVA's attempt to reset, then enter the next loop with Asher and him as far back as they could remember, where they would systematically destroy JENOVA's connection to the Lifestream and to Sephiroth. By the end of the second loop, JENOVA would be unable to reset and JENOVA could be killed permanently, the loop broken. Then they could rest, finally. The Lifestream would still be very weak after so much effort, so a few 'idle loops' would still have to be executed for it to recover. Cloud hopes he could finally enjoy those as his reward before finally, finally growing old and accepting rest.

Cloud couldn't be sure if Asher wanted the same; Asher was born out of the Lifestream's need and had never lived a relevant life before Cloud and Aerith found him. He had been another slum orphan, living a short life as a doctor, a little clever, a little adept with materia, dead of mako poisoning before age 18. Reborn as a warrior for the Lifestream. Cloud wished he thought of Asher as a friend first and not just an ally, but in all the time they spent together, they never remained true friends, not like Zack or his AVALANCHE buddies. And that was a little sad.

Cloud walked over and took a knee in front of Asher, studying his face. His mouth, set in a line. His eyes, dead, barely amber and reflecting the screen. Immortality had not been kind to him either, Cloud supposed. Asher stopped typing to meet Cloud's gaze.

"Cloud." Asher sighed a little.

"Asher."

"Is there something you wanted?" No heat to the question, just resignation. Cloud didn't want it.

"Is it really just your duty? All this? What's kept you going all this time?" A small smile crept into Asher's eyes.

"Cloud, if we do this, we save the world, everything we've ever known. I can't run out of things to keep me going. We're both old as shit, and when this is all said and done, we can all sit down and have group fucking therapy for a whole thirty years straight. We will sit in a Shinra tower penthouse and drink fruity fucking drinks for as long as we feel like it. You can make up with Sephiroth, learn to love fighting one more time, and have vigorous sex along the way."

Cloud actually blushed, he hadn't done that for as long as he could remember. Then again, Asher hadn't had the personality of anything other than a wood statue for that long either, so it surprised him.

"Asher, why can't you say stuff like that more often? Actually laugh more than once an eon."

"Because we both know we're saving our turn on the emotion until after we win," Asher said with finality.

"And we will win, I'm sure of it."


	24. distractions

**[a/n]:** **i'm feeling the end of this fic soon. i don't think it's worth continuing. might write some oneshot stuff or other things but not connected to a story proper**

* * *

Zack Fair was just a bit distracted, let's say. First Angeal had agreed to be his mentor, and then had invited him to dinner with General Sephiroth and the other Commanders, needless to say, Zack couldn't focus in the exercise room.

"Kunsel, I really can't believe it! The General!" Zack said breathlessly as Kunsel spotted him on a squat rack. Zack pushes back up and settles 600 pounds back on the rack. Kunsel patted him on the shoulder.

"Zack, I think you're done." Zack turned his head in disbelief.

"What? Why?" Zack felt like he could do a thousand more reps, but here Kunsel was being sensible again.

"Your dinner is in an hour and a half, you said? You should go shower and change out of your SOLDIER uniform. You know, make a decent impression. Your muscles will survive ending one workout early. "

"Awww, Kunsel. That's a good idea." Zack scooped up his bag and grinned at Kunsel. "Wish me luck!"

"If you aren't Second Class by the end of the month, Angeal's nuts!" Kunsel called after him.

—

Zack decided not to overthink his clothes and wore a black sleeveless tee with a chocobo cartoon on it, standard issue SOLDIER sweatpants and black shoes. The way Angeal spoke, he just wanted to introduce Zack as his apprentice to his friends in high places, and as long as Zack was cool it would be okay. At least, that was the impression Zack got. He decided not to put on any deodorant and let the freshly washed smell stick with him. He had no idea what Sephiroth would be like in person, but he would soon find out.

Zack entered the elevator and pushed the button for the private SOLDIER floor, the one for First Classes only. He had a key card that Angeal gave him that let him even select the floor in the first place. Zack hoped getting up there would be okay, the only time he had been that high in the tower was for his mako injections in the Science Department. The elevator stopped at the VR floor and opened to reveal Lieutenant Asher. Crap. Zack's mind went into overdrive as Asher took his place next to Zack and glanced at the lit button, then at Zack.

Asher was someone Zack had never met before, but heard of when first entering SOLDIER, like Sephiroth, his mentor, and Genesis Rhapsodos. According to some of the guys in the barracks, Asher was a creation of the Turks, a plant inside SOLDIER designed to get close to Sephiroth and align him to the Turk agenda and away from Hojo. While Shinra publicized how many Sephiroth had slain in the Wutai campaign, it was rumored that Asher had killed just as many, coldly torturing the necessary information out of them. SOLDIER was full of strongmen who only respected experience, but they also respected competence. If Sephiroth needed something done, something beneath him, he got Asher to do it. They made Asher sound like some kind of cold uberTurk that was only in it for control and furthering SOLDIER and Turk's common interest.

But when Zack looked at Asher now, all he saw was tired. Asher was tired. Zack had one inch and 40 pounds on Asher. The one inch from Asher hunching over slightly. Asher was much thinner than Zack originally imagined, he obviously had the SOLDIER physique, but no more. Barely not skinny enough to be underweight, grease on his hands. Mako eyes were dull, supposedly gold eyes were barely copper. Zack was never one to completely trust rumors, so maybe Asher was someone else entirely.

"I'm Zack," He offered his hand to Asher, who took it a bit wearily.

"Hello, SOLDIER. How'd you get that card?" Asher nodded at the card Zack still clutched in hand.

"It was given to me, I was invited to dinner by a First."

Asher blinked for a moment. "By Angeal."

Zack nodded. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Angeal was excited about bringing a new friend to dinner. Said we'd all like them. He's taking you as an… apprentice?"

Zack nodded again. "Wow, right again. Hey, can I ask you something?"

Asher closed his eyes and sighed. "Sorry if I don't feel like it. I've been overworked the past week. I'm really fucked, schedule wise. What did you want to ask?"

Zack took a double take, but then continued. "There are a lot of rumors flying around about all the Firsts, including truth to them?"

"I should ask 'which rumors', but I'd rather not. And that's just a bit insensitive, but yeah, the rumor mills about me and Seph and Gen aren't great. Angeal is really the only good boy. Point is, no rumors are true, but they're all based in something. Get it?"

"I guess." Zack shrugged.

"My advice would just be 'be yourself, relax, and talk to us normally'. I can't tell you how many Thirds are reduced to sycophants in front of Sephiroth or the rest of us. Just don't do that."

"Kay."

"Angeal's making a meatloaf."

"Love meatloaf."

The elevator reached the floor and the door opened. They both walked out.

"Hold the card over the black panel above the door handle, you should hear a click and the light will flash green. It's an arphid."

Asher saluted with two fingers and disappeared inside the right-hand door.

Zack turned to the left door. There was a plaque which read 'A. HEWLEY, G. RHAPSODOS'.

—

Genesis was looking Angeal's guest up and down. Tall, good looking, mako-blue eyes, very excitable. He just stood there smiling while Genesis circled around him.

Genesis was debating accusing Angeal of trying to introduce Zack in _that_ way, but didn't want to ruin the evening one minute in, and so decided against it. Genesis was wearing a blood red shirt buttoned down and pink boxers; he had only just woken up for dinner with the Firsts.

Angeal was standing in the kitchen checking on the meatloaf in sweatpants and a black workout shirt.

"Ange, this boy really is something. Wherever did you find him?"

Angeal chuckled. "I'll let him tell you when we're all sat down to eat." And hopefully Asher will have dragged Sephiroth away from combing his hair for two hours because _it's fine, really_ , _it's just Gen and Ang, they really don't care._ But Genesis wasn't sure what their reaction would be. Sephiroth might not think much of it, and Asher was still stressed from a week of the board of directors riding him about every little thing.

There was a knock twice at the door before Asher opened for Sephiroth and himself. Sephiroth had chosen to wear leather pants and no shoes, and a tight grey t-shirt that Sephiroth probably picked because it was literally the first one. Asher wore a SOLDIER logo white shirt and khakis, and his shoes were discarded by the door.

"You two are terrible," Genesis teased, and Asher stuck his tongue out. Sephiroth went to talk with Angeal in the kitchen, which left Asher with Genesis and Zack.

"Let's go sit down," Genesis motioned.

At the table, Zack tried to sit properly while Genesis reclined a bit and Asher looked like he wanted to collapse asleep on the table.

Genesis kept his eyes on Zack. "Asher, have you seen this one before?"

Asher kept an arm over his eyes as he thought about that.

"Mm. Had some nice compliments for him from some squad leaders."

Genesis leaned in, grinning a little too widely.

"What's your name, sweetie?"

Zack sweated a little before replying.

"Zack Fair, ah, sir."

Zack was already sure that Genesis was trying to figure out what his problem was, or rather, why he was here. wanted to wait for Angeal to come sit down and let him guide the way.

Fortunately, Angeal and Sephiroth made their way over to the table with a large meatloaf, the centerpiece to the dinner. Sephiroth cut everyone a slice and passed them around. Only then did Angeal clear his throat and glance around the table, met by Sephiroth's neutral expression, Genesis interest, and Asher's gaze flicking back and forth between Zack and Angeal.

Angeal gestured with an open palm.

"Everyone, this is SOLDIER Third Zack Fair. I'm going to take him as an apprentice."

Genesis nodded. "Interesting. Is he really so special?"

Angeal side-eyed Genesis. "I wouldn't have made him my apprentice if he wasn't. With more experience, he'll make a very good SOLDIER."

Zack kept quiet as Sephiroth commented. "I have no issue with it. Will this interfere with your other duties?"

Angeal shook his head. "Didn't plan on it. This puts some unallocated time to good use, however."

"But Ange, you spend your free time with me." Genesis leaned against Angeal's shoulder, lightly touching his upper arm.

"And I will. I'll just have slightly less of it." Angeal nodded back.

Sephiroth nodded. "Fair. Are you ready to be trained by Angeal? Angeal brought you to our dinner so that you could hear what SOLDIER's most experienced might have to say."

Zack nodded, but Genesis butted in again.

"So, we're just adding him like that. From now on?"

Angeal rolled his eyes. "Not every dinner. But I'd like him to hear things unfiltered straight from our dinner conversation. Things you don't get in our work environment. It'll help."

Genesis turned dramatically to Zack.

"Fair. Whatever you hear you cannot repeat to anyone else. Or we'll know. Understand?"

Zack gulped. "Yes!"

Asher sighed and put his fork down.

"It's not that we don't trust you. But dinner talk with us tends to go all over the place. I'd agree it would acclimate you to SOLDIER quickly, but it's throwing you in the deep end for sure."

Angeal smiled at Zack. "He can handle it. He knows what he shouldn't repeat."

Genesis grinned. "Well, Fair. Have any questions for us? Ask anything."

Zack thought for a moment. "Uh,"

Genesis waved his hand. "I have a better idea. We each ask a specific question of another of us. That person must answer honestly, and then they ask the next question and so forth."

Sephiroth hummed. "Very well. Genesis, did you steal my hair comb? The red one."

Genesis blanched. "What are you talking about?"

"It's been missing for three days. I'm not angry, I just expect it to be returned. It's a unique Wutai comb that can't be replicated."

"Alright, I borrowed the stupid comb," Genesis admitted with a huff. "It does wonders to my scalp."

Sephiroth nodded sagely. "And to mine."

Genesis smirked and turned to Zack. "Are you a virgin, Zack?"

Angeal shoved Genesis' shoulder and Zack quickly muttered a "No," considering what he would ask.

"What's the worst thing about being promoted?"

"Paperwork," all four responded.

Angeal chuckled. "Asher, you love paperwork."

Asher made a face. "I'm good at paperwork. There's a difference. Anyway, we all answered that. I'll ask Gen: how'd you get Angeal to make us this meatloaf?"

"I let him fuck me into the mattress last night," to which Zack choked. That was not the turn he expected, what the fuck? "What, you said to answer honestly!"

"Maybe not that honestly," Angeal muttered.

"Oh come on, the kid's old enough to hear that, right?"

Zack nodded and smiled. "I am, and that was your question, Genesis."

Genesis realized what he'd done and whined. "That's not a question, Fair."

"Yeah it is," Asher pointed out. "It was any one question."

Zack nodded and asked, "Sephiroth, is it true you can watch grass grow? It was a popular rumor in the barracks."

Sephiroth shook his head no. "My eyesight is not so obscenely perfect.

Genesis jerker his head back towards Zack.

"Wait, lightning round. Fair, barracks rumors. Go."

Zack had been put on the spot, but was able to follow up with a "Well, have you set any students on fire, Genesis?"

Angeal picked up a piece of meatloaf with his fork. "It's his most common motivating threat, but my knowledge, no."

Asher also shook his head. "Anything Genesis burns I eventually hear about. No."

"People say you're a Turk plant," to which Asher scoffed.

"I know they say that. Because I'm SOLDIER's de facto ambassador to the Turks. Cause Veld likes me. But no, I've never been under their orders."

"Do you think you could have been a Turk?" Zack asked back.

Asher sighed. "No. I wouldn't have been qualified."

Genesis pointed with his fork. "You're more qualified than half those damn suits."

"Yeah well, wait." Asher put down his fork. "You don't know."

Genesis rolled his eyes. "Well no shit. You've been joined at Sephiroth's hip for as long as you've been at Shinra, and before that. But you're not one of Hojo's… people. You grew up in Midgar, under the plate."

Angeal sipped his drink. "You don't typically discuss your past, Asher. I learned your birthday the day before when _Sephiroth_ told me. Heh."

"Well, it just never came up." Asher deflected, a slight redness to his face.

"Oh come on, you can't tease us and not follow through!" accused Genesis.

"Alright," Asher raised his hands in surrender.

"I grew up under the plate, no parents, in a charity orphanage. As a kid, I got a hold of a cure materia and was good at it. Good enough that when that orphanage burned down, I could help out sometimes at a below-plate clinic for food scraps. I slept in a mako pumping station at night.

That kind of exposure isn't safe of course, and that led to-"

"Crystal tumor," Angeal guessed.

"Yeah. I couldn't afford to get treated, but one night coming home I stumbled on something that would change my life forever."

Asher glanced over at Sephiroth, who nodded.

"I was twelve years of age, fully deployed as a weapon along with an infantry squad to exterminate a nest of monsters. The men all died, so I had to fight them all alone. I was being worn down, but a child like me appeared. Helped me defeat the threat. I had never met another my age. And when I talked to him, I understood. He quickly became my only, my best friend."

Asher took the conversation back.

"I was a real skinny, mako-tumored slum kid. No muscle, not much but my brain and my materia skill. Plus I was so close to Sephiroth that the Turks wouldn't even talk to me. But eventually I was dying. The tumors, of course. What better way to save me? The SOLDIER treatment lets the body process mako like that way, the tumors just dissolved."

"Wow," Zack mouthed. "That's crazy."

"You definitely carry yourself as if you were smaller," Angeal offhandedly commented.

"I mean, I'm still relatively light for a SOLDIER. I'm like, bottom tenth, easily." Asher laced his fingers together on the table.

Sephiroth put a hand on Asher's shoulder and squeezed gently.

"It was precisely because Asher had no connection to the rest of Shinra that I felt I could attempt to make friends. At least, as I understood the practice back then,"

Asher snickered and cracked a small smile.

"You three should have seen Sephiroth back then. You've come a long way since then."

Sephiroth nodded. "Indeed I have."

Asher turned back to Zack. "So, no, I'm not a Turk."

"I'd like to hear more about your childhood, Asher." Angeal suggested. "You never talk about yourself."

Asher shrugged. "What's to tell. I think my life really started when I met Sephiroth."

Genesis waved his fork in the air. "If you never met Sephiroth, and assuming you didn't die, what might you have done?"

"I might have continued being a doctor. I really liked reading in the library, especially the Shinra documents that were lost and forgotten there. I might have thought about joining Shinra, as a doctor or otherwise."

"The thing about growing up like that is I never really had a choice. The free time I had I spent reading, or helping others. But I've spent a good chunk of my life at Shinra. I can't imagine being anywhere else."

The five fell into a pleasant silence as they returned to eating.

—

When Zack left shortly after, Genesis had a suggestion. A terrible idea. When Genesis told them, Angeal was scandalized, Asher was taken aback, and Sephiroth had quite a few questions. But they all admitted that it sounded thrilling. Angeal took barely half a minute to wear down.

"Genesis, you're just horny," Asher deadpanned.

"Yes, but come on! No one's saying no," Genesis whined. "Besides, it's been so awkward between us all recently, I just thought…"

Angeal sighed. "Gen,"

Genesis turned. "No sex, Ange. I'm not saying that. Fuck no. But come on. It's the ultimate bonding exercise."

Angeal crossed his arms. "All our shame is going in the toilet."

Sephiroth nodded. "I am interested. A mutual shamelessness may strengthen our bond."

Angeal turned exasperated, to Asher. "You know better than anyone that Seph has never had any shame. Gen, is just horny, you're right. Are you really going along with all this?"

Asher shrugged. "I'm up for it, I agree it's extreme but if you aren't comfortable with it we won't do it. Right, Gen?"

"Don't you want to?" Genesis pleaded to Angeal.

"It's just begging to break down into sex."

"I promise I'll only tease. Rule: you can look, and tease, but no more than that."

"Looking should be enough," Angeal grumbled.

"You're no fun. Let's go sit down.," Genesis unbuttoned his shirt and let it fly forgotten across the room.

Angeal and Asher glanced at each other and agreed silently that listening to Genesis' ideas for friendly activities should be taken with far more care in the future.

* * *

 **[a/n]: thanks for reading**


	25. apotheosis

_Why me?_

This Asher was dead. He didn't know where he had been or where he was going. He was one of endless iterations. He understood this. It was his purpose to understand.

So the question is revealed to be entirely rhetorical, in the Lifestream, Aerith also knew that Asher knew, it was his Purpose.

The well-worn paths of temporal recursion could only work so long before the main actors could see the strings they hung from.

Sweet Aerith, in all her wisdom, dead a thousand times over before She decided to impart just a small bit of relevancy onto another, one who played no part until now. Aerith, the Lifestream, and her warrior Cloud, pitted against the infection, JENOVA, and her warrior Sephiroth.

They could remember, and remember they did. Forever they fought. Eventually, they became numb. Everything had been said and done. The inhuman forces clashed, their very human characters losing what little they had left. A JENOVA beachhead threatened alternative reality, so no loss could be allowed. The thing about finding a solution between the disparate realities is that no one can say where it came from.

There is First the set of all Planets that can communicate across timelines.

Then the subset of those Planets that JENOVA landed and developed into a threat.

Then the subset of those Planets where timeline resets were used by the Planet.

Then the subset of those Planets where JENOVA recognized and harbors some influence over this mechanic.

Nearly all these timelines had an Aerith to defend them, a Cloud to fight for them.

To conserve change, only in that subset of Planets where victory over JENOVA in the war for timeline control was not assured otherwise, a change must have developed. The various Lifestreams had the advantage of mutual communication over the JENOVAs, and the answer they arrived at was unusual: retroactively influence events to produce a change. JENOVA did not anticipate one person change.

Time is not linear. The solution arrived as soon as JENOVA created a problem. It will have always been solved. It is why the Lifestream has always existed and JENOVA cannot be allowed to assume that power. It will have not been allowed, in any case.

The sensitive dependence on initial conditions will create all the variety that exists. Any end state can be influenced by imperceptibly tweaking the input state.

The world has saved the world.

One woman can save the world.

One man can save the world.

The world can save one man.

One man can save one man.

Sephiroth won't go to Nibelheim.

He is not them.

Not anymore.


	26. epilogue

**this was a horny clown fiesta.**

 **I originally started this story a year ago just to say, 'well let's just start writing' And so I did, with no planning whatsoever. And well, if you're here after all that, thanks. You've glimpsed some inner part of my soul or something.**

 **this story has no theme. no arc. stuff kinda just happens. Like life I guess. I lived a whole year outside this story. Shit happens. Originally this story had strong self insert energy and it still does, but I used it to better explore myself and the canon around me. So thanks for understanding and coming along for the ride.**

 **I wrote a lot of this on my phone or in my boxers in front of my computer up past 2am. Not everything I wrote was even healthy. Some uncomfortable parts of this story draw on my very real experiences or sleepless fever dreams.**

 **My mental stability has never been great, but I always keep it steady with fixed points throughout my life. Even if the fixed points are entirely made up, they are there. They are more real than so many other things.**

 **am I horny for sephiroth. Yeah. he's probably one of the only guys I'd let dick me down. and you know. ff7 is at least modern enough to let me clean my asshole before hand, which is cool. we don't have to be feral about it.**

 **Asher isn't me, but he's very much a proxy for me. Many attributes of Asher are me, some aren't. ( I never grew up in poverty nor am I an orphan, I'm lucky to have two good parents. ) But Yeah, looking into his head is more or less looking into my head a lot of the time. Which I think is fine.**


End file.
